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Nearing the end of the school year, so let’s get some laughs. I mean, there are so many subjects in high school. They should all be taken seriously . . . Except when you really start to lose your mind and think of these things. I genuinely have no other explanation for this list I’ve been putting together since March. It’s just silly.
- Algebra– Basic math that you will always . . . Yes, I know they added letters. Stop crying and pass the test.
- Pre-Calculus– This proves that Calculus isn’t that bad. Now you’re ready for it.
- Calculus– WE LIED! WELCOME TO HELL!
- Geometry– For those who need a math course and managed to get out of Calculus.
- Special Education– Our teachers are fueled by passion, love, and so much coffee that their sweat has more caffeine than Jolt Cola.
- Phyiscal Education– Don’t you dare call us gym!
- World History– Stop crying while we cram all this ancient knowledge into your head.
- American History– Stop crying while we cram this not as ancient knowledge into your head and we’ll get to that war in the next unit.
- Government– We know you’re going to forget most of this, but this is the easiest way to get you to willingly register to vote.
- Economics– Let’s play with the stock market and see why daddy’s retirement fund isn’t what it should be.
- Technology– Getting paid to break shit! Envy our teachers!
- Woodshop– Your teacher’s furniture isn’t going to build itself, kids.
- Computer– We know you already hacked the system to look at porn and play violent games, but let’s pretend your teachers know more than you.
- Teaching Assistants– We really enjoying teaching, but have a lethal allergy to grading and paperwork.
- Spanish– This course just appeared one day along with all teachers and budget.
- French– Never a year goes by without a student asking about the kissing technique.
- Italian– Taken entirely because the students love the food.
- ASL– Never a year goes by without a student doing that one gesture.
- Biology– You will forget everything except for Dissection Day.
- Chemistry– The only class where students are allowed to play with fire, but it’s usually the teacher that gets the fire department to visit.
- Earth Science– We swear you’ll learn about more than rocks. We have weather too.
- Physics– Isaac Newton . . . Thank you for coming. The final is next week.
- Home and Careers– We cook. There are other things, but this is all that matters to kids.
- Health– Putting condoms on vegetables since the 1990’s.
- English– We will teach you to read and write with such passion that you will NEVER pick up a book again.
- Creative Writing– Let the muses flow through you as long as they follow this strict story idea from the Internet.
- Band– A few of you are amazing. The rest of you are just trying to hide your noise behind your neighbors. Don’t worry. The acoustics will save you.
- Chorus– Working in unity until the MMA match to see who gets the concert solo.
- Orchestra– We assure you that ears bleeding is a compliment to violinists.
- Music Theory– For the students who love music, have no desire to play, and figure this is an easy A.
- Driver’s Education– Our teachers have nerves of steel and a sense that they’ve already lived a fulfilling life.






















