The ‘Reality’ of School Subjects

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Nearing the end of the school year, so let’s get some laughs.  I mean, there are so many subjects in high school.  They should all be taken seriously . . . Except when you really start to lose your mind and think of these things.  I genuinely have no other explanation for this list I’ve been putting together since March.  It’s just silly.

  • Algebra– Basic math that you will always . . . Yes, I know they added letters.  Stop crying and pass the test.
  • Pre-Calculus– This proves that Calculus isn’t that bad.  Now you’re ready for it.
  • Calculus– WE LIED!  WELCOME TO HELL!
  • Geometry–  For those who need a math course and managed to get out of Calculus.
  • Special Education– Our teachers are fueled by passion, love, and so much coffee that their sweat has more caffeine than Jolt Cola.
  • Phyiscal Education–  Don’t you dare call us gym!
  • World History–  Stop crying while we cram all this ancient knowledge into your head.
  • American History–  Stop crying while we cram this not as ancient knowledge into your head and we’ll get to that war in the next unit.
  • Government–  We know you’re going to forget most of this, but this is the easiest way to get you to willingly register to vote.
  • Economics–  Let’s play with the stock market and see why daddy’s retirement fund isn’t what it should be.
  • Technology–  Getting paid to break shit!  Envy our teachers!
  • Woodshop–  Your teacher’s furniture isn’t going to build itself, kids.
  • Computer–  We know you already hacked the system to look at porn and play violent games, but let’s pretend your teachers know more than you.
  • Teaching Assistants–  We really enjoying teaching, but have a lethal allergy to grading and paperwork.
  • Spanish–  This course just appeared one day along with all teachers and budget.
  • French–  Never a year goes by without a student asking about the kissing technique.
  • Italian–  Taken entirely because the students love the food.
  • ASL–  Never a year goes by without a student doing that one gesture.
  • Biology–  You will forget everything except for Dissection Day.
  • Chemistry–  The only class where students are allowed to play with fire, but it’s usually the teacher that gets the fire department to visit.
  • Earth Science–  We swear you’ll learn about more than rocks.  We have weather too.
  • Physics–  Isaac Newton . . . Thank you for coming.  The final is next week.
  • Home and Careers–  We cook.  There are other things, but this is all that matters to kids.
  • Health–  Putting condoms on vegetables since the 1990’s.
  • English– We will teach you to read and write with such passion that you will NEVER pick up a book again.
  • Creative Writing–  Let the muses flow through you as long as they follow this strict story idea from the Internet.
  • Band–  A few of you are amazing.  The rest of you are just trying to hide your noise behind your neighbors.  Don’t worry.  The acoustics will save you.
  • Chorus–  Working in unity until the MMA match to see who gets the concert solo.
  • Orchestra–  We assure you that ears bleeding is a compliment to violinists.
  • Music Theory–  For the students who love music, have no desire to play, and figure this is an easy A.
  • Driver’s Education–  Our teachers have nerves of steel and a sense that they’ve already lived a fulfilling life.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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12 Responses to The ‘Reality’ of School Subjects

  1. noelleg44 says:

    Loved these. We had one more: HOME Economics where we learned to make misshapen clothing and cook tiny bricks.

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  2. L. Marie says:

    Very clever and fun! I’d like to see what you would do with the classes the children of a friend of mine took. They went to a classical school where they were taught logic and rhetoric.

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  3. I love it. I’m so glad to have those years behind me.

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  4. Jennie says:

    Charles, this was hilarious!

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  5. Love these – particularly Creative Writing! Love the meme, too. We studied Harold Pinter’s ‘An Inspector Calls’ in school and the teacher went into great and lengthy detail about its Deep Inner Meaning, which we all had to learn and regurgitate in the English Lit exam. A year or two later I watched an interview with Pinter and, when asked about the Inner Meaning of’ An Inspector Calls’, he said there was no Inner Meaning. You have to admire the inventiveness of the teachers who come up with these Deep Inner Meanings!

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    • It’s amazing how teachers come up with these inner meanings. I think a lot of them find essays and discussions about it first then they come up with their own ideas. So, the ball starts rolling thanks to fans or academics who want to use the work for a thesis. It can be entertaining to see in action, but frustrating when it’s your own work or something you know was made solely for entertainment.

      Liked by 1 person

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