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Nearing the end of the school year, so let’s get some laughs.  I mean, there are so many subjects in high school.  They should all be taken seriously . . . Except when you really start to lose your mind and think of these things.  I genuinely have no other explanation for this list I’ve been putting together since March.  It’s just silly.

• Algebra– Basic math that you will always . . . Yes, I know they added letters.  Stop crying and pass the test.
• Pre-Calculus– This proves that Calculus isn’t that bad.  Now you’re ready for it.
• Calculus– WE LIED!  WELCOME TO HELL!
• Geometry–  For those who need a math course and managed to get out of Calculus.
• Special Education– Our teachers are fueled by passion, love, and so much coffee that their sweat has more caffeine than Jolt Cola.
• Phyiscal Education–  Don’t you dare call us gym!
• World History–  Stop crying while we cram all this ancient knowledge into your head.
• American History–  Stop crying while we cram this not as ancient knowledge into your head and we’ll get to that war in the next unit.
• Government–  We know you’re going to forget most of this, but this is the easiest way to get you to willingly register to vote.
• Economics–  Let’s play with the stock market and see why daddy’s retirement fund isn’t what it should be.
• Technology–  Getting paid to break shit!  Envy our teachers!
• Woodshop–  Your teacher’s furniture isn’t going to build itself, kids.
• Computer–  We know you already hacked the system to look at porn and play violent games, but let’s pretend your teachers know more than you.
• Teaching Assistants–  We really enjoying teaching, but have a lethal allergy to grading and paperwork.
• Spanish–  This course just appeared one day along with all teachers and budget.
• French–  Never a year goes by without a student asking about the kissing technique.
• Italian–  Taken entirely because the students love the food.
• ASL–  Never a year goes by without a student doing that one gesture.
• Biology–  You will forget everything except for Dissection Day.
• Chemistry–  The only class where students are allowed to play with fire, but it’s usually the teacher that gets the fire department to visit.
• Earth Science–  We swear you’ll learn about more than rocks.  We have weather too.
• Physics–  Isaac Newton . . . Thank you for coming.  The final is next week.
• Home and Careers–  We cook.  There are other things, but this is all that matters to kids.
• Health–  Putting condoms on vegetables since the 1990’s.
• English– We will teach you to read and write with such passion that you will NEVER pick up a book again.
• Creative Writing–  Let the muses flow through you as long as they follow this strict story idea from the Internet.
• Band–  A few of you are amazing.  The rest of you are just trying to hide your noise behind your neighbors.  Don’t worry.  The acoustics will save you.
• Chorus–  Working in unity until the MMA match to see who gets the concert solo.
• Orchestra–  We assure you that ears bleeding is a compliment to violinists.
• Music Theory–  For the students who love music, have no desire to play, and figure this is an easy A.
• Driver’s Education–  Our teachers have nerves of steel and a sense that they’ve already lived a fulfilling life.