(This poem is probably something a lot of artists can relate to. You just can’t get away from distractions some days.)
I sit to do my work
Hoping to take steps
Knowing despair will come
As the click of my pen
Attracts the chatty masses
Phone rings off the hook
With none to hear the call
Conversations starting
Before you come in view
Requests to clean a dish
That I never used myself
Lectures of how life works
That I never asked to hear
Sitting down to watch a show
While I sit a couple feet away
Yelling for my aide
To complete a simple task
I rush to all
In hope of getting time
And a little cup of quiet
Which I finally find
Long after my mind is shot
It’s difficult for people to ask for help, especially when it comes to admitting to having some mental issues. We expose a lot by doing so since it requires opening up our heart and mind to others. Unlike physical injuries and diseases, another person can’t see them and understand on some level. It has to be explained. Here are seven tips to helping one talk about their mental illness:
Do not feel shame. More people suffer than you may realize, so you are not alone. Easier said than done.
Do not be afraid to cry. It’s scary to speak about such things. Emotions will run high and crying may be inevitable.
Do not be afraid to ramble. Speaking about your mental health can lead to a lot of self-reflection and nervous rambling. It could be that your mind is trying to process while you explain. This is natural.
Do not be afraid to stop talking if uncomfortable. Everyone has their own limits, so don’t push yourself too far. If you’ve hit a point where you can’t go on, say so to the other person and do what needs to be done to relax.
Do not let yourself be forced into speaking. You talk about your mental health on your own time and terms. You might not be ready, so state that you are not and ask that the person be patient.
Understand that you are not a freak. Mental illness is very common. 1 in 5 Americans experience mental illness every year. More than 50% of the human population will be diagnosed at some point in their life. Keep in mind that many will not get help, so they would not be diagnosed even if they have something. This means that the majority of humanity has some form of mental illness. You are TRULY not alone.
Understand that you are more than your mental illness. Another difficult challenge, but these things can consume your life and identity. Many may look at you solely through that lens. Even if they do, you need to find ways to remind yourself that you are not just a mental illness wrapped in hair and skin. You have dreams, loves, hobbies, memories, and many other things that exist outside of this. Those are essential parts of your identity and exist to help counter the influence of mental illness. Again, easier said than done.
Can’t do a bunch of teasers and leave out Lost from War of Nytefall. This excerpt comes from Eradication, which you can get as a $2.99 eBook or a $12.00 paperback. This specific scene really shows how much chaos Lost can cause even by accident. One of the reasons I enjoyed writing her. Enjoy.
Yeah, we’re going to have another week of mental health posts. I know this is an author blog, but I think touching on these topics is a good thing. People need to speak out about mental health and have discussions about it. I mean, it isn’t like society pushes people to hide their pain and muscle through in a way that creates other issues? That would be silly, unhealthy, and lead to a very damaged population.
So, why does society want us to pretend to be healthy?
I don’t have a real answer for this because everyone will have their own opinion. Some people think this isn’t true and that you can get over mental illness with s simple snap of your fingers. Others believe that each person has the time, resources, support system, and energy to handle mental illness. You have groups that think there are conspiracies to keep the populace damaged for easier control. The list of opinions and perspectives can be vast, so we’re not going to tackle them all. I’m just going to say my peace and hopefully others give their opinions in the comments.
Long ago, I felt that there was something wrong with my mind. This was in high school and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I needed help. I went to therapy and got a small handle on things. It would be about 2.5 decades later that I discovered this was anxiety and it explained a lot of periods of my life. Around this time I also learned that people recognizing an issue and getting help wasn’t common. This is especially true with men who are told to push through pain because they’re not emotional creatures and couldn’t possibly suffer in such a fashion. I’d like to point out that I’ve heard this primarily from much older generations and women. Yes, there are men who say this, but I’ve run into a surprisingly large amount of women who think men either don’t suffer in this way or it doesn’t matter.
As I was handling my anxiety, I was told by many people that I had to keep it hidden unless I wanted to fail. Very few people wanted to hear about my problems or see any signs of them. I was heavily urged to keep everything hidden. I had turned one of my blogging days into an ‘anxiety blog’ days, which I was forced to make private and stop altogether. Why? My divorce had started and people were telling me that publicly talking about my anxiety would cost me my son. It was a constant push for me to swallow the pain and not let it out again. Of course, I went along out of fear and confusion.
Now, I wonder why we do this to people who are suffering. It clearly doesn’t do them any good long-term. They might be okay for a little while, but the pain builds up and comes out eventually. If you keep kicking the can down the road, you’re eventually going to have a sore foot and not be able to get it as far. That means, you’re bound to have to deal with it, which general society seems to discourage. When the dam does burst, you get a chorus of ‘why didn’t you get help earlier’ or ‘stop being dramatic’. Some people are very quick to abandon someone suffering from mental illness. Not a great statement about the sense of community in our society.
For some people, I think a reason for forcing others to not deal with their mental illness and to hide it is fear. They don’t want to see such raw emotion and pain. It makes them uncomfortable, which could force them to look into themselves. Plenty of people grow up to avoid self-reflection and seeing others hurting can trigger that. So, it’s ‘better’ to push emotional numbness and ignoring pain on those around you. Maybe it’s a messed up defense mechanism that they’ve developed for some reason.
Either way, we don’t do any good for ourselves or others by hiding our pain. I don’t mean to start screaming it daily from the rooftops. Yet, one can’t keep it locked up where it cannot be processed. Even if you can’t see a therapist, finding someone to talk to can really help. I mean someone who will listen and not constantly interrupt in order to give suggestions. Many times, a person simply needs to vent and then hear that their feelings are valid. A listening ear and kind words can go a longer way than the way society currently deals with mental health.
So, what do you think about society and the push to hide mental illness?
So, I saw it was ‘Tell a Fairy Tale Day’ and wanted to do something. My first thought was to do a bunch of memes. I was also going to maybe promote an old experiment of mine called The Hopeteller. That was an attempt 1st person storytelling and creating fairy tales. Instead, I’m going to post an old fairy tale I made in 2013. Can’t tell if I edited it, but it was fun to write. It stars Sari who debuted in Allure of the Gypsies. Enjoy!
Just two more days of Winter Break. So, how did things go? It really depends on what aspect of my life we look at. Did things go well as an author? No . . . No, they did not. Did things go well in regards to health? Maybe. Did things go well as a parent? Yes. So, let’s tackle the categories. Mostly because I need to compartmentalize to get my addled brain to focus.
Health
I’m going to dive right into this since I’ve talked about it. Last Saturday was all about the doctor appointments. My anxiety is under more control, but something is still wrong. We don’t really know what though. I go back in 3 months after altering my diet (fewer carbs if possible) and exercising (70 intense minutes or 150 low impact minutes a week). If that doesn’t get under control then I may have to go on Ozempic since I’m right at the borderline for prediabetes. Thankfully, I was already starting to shift my diet to include more fruits and vegetables. Need to do smaller portions too. The hard part is going to be the exercise, but we’ll see what happens.
All of that still doesn’t explain what keeps happening to me. It’s why I got only two chapter sections done last weekend, which was a Herculean task. My head was spinning and my energy was low. Sinuses were in rough shape. This seems to happen whenever the barometric pressure goes above 30 and the temperature gets into the 30’s. It could be residual long-term Covid, but it’s also possible that I’ve become really sensitive to the weather in my old age. I remember last few winters, I wasn’t even trying to write, so I never pushed myself on weekends or evenings. Now, I’ll get a chapter section done and my brain feels like it just got through a surprise SAT (Scholastic Aptitude Test). Even now, I’m getting a little dizzy as I get excitable and my thoughts run wilder.
Finally, I got my first eye exam since 2018. Needless to say, my prescription was way off and my vision sucks. The exam itself left me out of sorts last Saturday, but I wasn’t doing any better on Sunday. Yesterday, I got my new glasses, so I’m struggling to adjust to everything. Need to give my eyes breaks, especially from screens. This means I probably won’t get much writing done this weekend either.
Author
My goal was writing 2 chapters of Darwin & the Demon Game last weekend. I didn’t even come close. I wrote the last section of 7 and the first of chapter 8. So, my future goal to write chapters 9 and 10 this weekend are definitely out. I’ll be lucky if I can finish chapter 8 and maybe start 9. So, not a stellar week for writing. I mean, it didn’t help that my son and I stayed up late with movies and cartoons. By the time I got him to bed, I was wiped out and had to pass out. I figured that would happen, so it’s really that last weekend ended up being a wash that wrecked my goals. Hopefully, going to bed early last night instead of forcing a writing session means I have more energy for today. I’m in an awkward stage for the story too because the notes don’t match what I was aiming for, so I might have to take my time. Need to do some biking today too.
Outside of the novel, I saw a sudden surge of ratings for various Legends of Windemerebooks. Not reviews, but ratings. I’ll take it. Finished the last squad for Phi Beta Files too. Didn’t get further than that. I thought I could work a bit on it while in a doctor room for 4 hours. It was for my son to do a food challenge with his allergist, which meant the ex-wife was there too. Didn’t feel comfortable writing anything while she was in the room. At least, I did something?
Parenting
Here is where the bulk of my time and successes went. My son and I watched a few good movies that I’d been waiting for him to be old enough for. He enjoyed them. We played video games, including going to a local museum that set up about 90 arcade machines. It was $10 for 90 minutes of playing for each of us. I got to beat a Spider-Man arcade game that plagued me in my youth. That was mostly Wednesday. Tuesday was just resting and getting some schoolwork done before Pokémon Legends: Arceus. Friday was a bunch of errands for me and then my son went to his friend’s house for fun. I figure I’ll explain Thursday first with a picture:
Another successful father/son trip to the Bronx Zoo. A bunch of stuff was closed, so we left earlier than we normally would. Got front row seats to a pair of ibex fighting for dominance. The lions were yelling at each other from across their enclosure too. Not sure what they were arguing about, but they were very passionate about their thoughts. Finally, that tiger put on a show. Specifically, it tried to scent mark everyone, but the glass stopped the jet of urine. My son was laughing his butt off, especially since it almost looked like he was the main target. It’s these unexpected events that make the zoo trips so much fun.
Only other things that happened was that I cooked a few dinners. Baked Vodka Ziti and Taco Lasagna were the two choices. I was too tired to cook on Monday (pizza) and Thursday (restaurant), so those were really it. Had to fit some biking in too since it’s more imperative that I do it. Overall, a successful week with a 13-year-old whose every fourth sentence is about Pokémon even if that’s not the conversation.
The Future!
I’ve got nothing. Heading back into work, which means getting my body back to that schedule. This time, I need to add 20-30 minutes of biking to at least 2 of my evenings since I’m not waking up at 4 AM to do it. Seriously, I’m still averaging 6-6.5 hours of sleep a night with going to bed at 10 PM. I’m not making things harder there, which means biking on the days my son is picked up by his mom. There tend to be appointments on Tuesdays and Thursdays anyway.
Another obstacle will be adjusting to the new glasses. Even now, I may have pushed myself a bit too far. I’m writing this Friday afternoon and was going to try for a few May posts. Instead, I’m going to have to lie down for 15-20 minutes. My eyes need a break, so my head stops spinning. It’s very much like motion sickness or vertigo, but it should be done by the weekend. Guess we’ll see what happens. Just another reason I’m not aiming very high this week.
What are the goals?
Adjust to my new glasses.
Write chapter 8 of Darwin & the Demon Game. Anything extra will be a bonus.
Get back into the work schedule. 6.5 weeks before another break.
Help son study for tests and do homework.
Continue improving my sleeping habits.
Watch more ‘Sword Art Online’. It’s a re-watch, so I can listen instead of watch if my eyes hurt.
Legends of Windemere 