Poetry Day: Car Logistics

Posted on September 8, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

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(All I’m going to say about this is that I hate moving cars around with other people.  It’s always a headache where each person has their own idea on what to do.  Not one of my best poems because I do remember writing it out of pure rage.)

I am yelling and screaming

Because you did not listen

Though I did not give an order

You should simply know

Without me ever hinting

*

You lack car logistics

A term I am sure you heard

When I go this way

You stay that way

Stop worrying about that car

*

This is how you shuffle cars

Do not go around the block

Just continue driving backwards

On a block with many children

Who can dart out at any minute

*

You are too impatient

Car logistics are beyond your grasp

My signals were so clear

I do not care that I was not in view

You can still understand me

*

Now you’ve done it

A yelling you will get

Because you drove around the block

Instead of staying put

And blocking the whole road

Posted in Poems | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

Shower Thoughts: The Oddness of Mental Wandering

Posted on September 7, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

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I’ll admit that my thoughts aren’t as funny as this one.  I did manage to write a few odd ones down before they vanished.  We all seem to have these thoughts at some point though, so it’s fun to share.  Feel free to add any of your own to the comments.

  • Yawning is done when we’re tired or bored, but it doesn’t help either situation.
  • How many colors exist that humans simply cannot see?
  • If old dogs can easily learn new tricks then does the phrase mean the opposite of how we use it?
  • Earth is the Garden of Eden and humans removed themselves from the natural order of things due to their acquired knowledge.
  • Most of what we learn in school is only needed to pass tests and not look stupid during trivia contests.
  • How long will it be before crude oil is made from dead humans instead of dead dinosaurs?
  • Would people be nicer to each other if emotional and mental abuse were handled as seriously as physical abuse?
  • Art is subjective, but people still make careers off their opinions being ‘right’.
  • Swear words are only insulting if you know what they mean.  If you don’t then they’re empty gibberish.
  • Most monsters were created by putting horns, wings, or fins on a regular animal.
  • Telepathy may be impossible since humans don’t even listen to the words we say out loud.
  • Several letters are simply altered versions of their neighbors. m/n, H/I, o/p, u/v, v/w, x/y, k/l, E/F, i/j, c/d, p/q.
  • I wonder what people threw into fire to see if it exploded after they discovered popcorn.
Posted in Thoughts | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

Teaser Tuesday: Do I Have to Go Medieval?

Posted on September 6, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

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I think I’ll do a month of Do I Need to Use a Dragon? (Fantasy Writing Tips) teasers to see what people think.  I can’t put full sections down, so I’m going to grab random introductions.  Hope that works since I would like to showcase this project a little bit.  Enjoy.

Do I Have to Go Medieval?

The original question I was asked was ‘Do I have to use England’ and I was taken aback by it the first time. It never crossed my mind that most fantasy stories take place in a medieval Europe setting. Shows how aware of my literary surroundings I am. The real meaning of this question is about the classical setting of fantasy.

When you think of the genre, you imagine robed wizards, hills rolling into forests, towering castles, roaring dragons, and knights in disturbingly shiny armor. Seriously, what kind of polish do they have in some of these fictional worlds? This setting standard has been around for decades, if not centuries, and many people feel that this is the only way to write fantasy. Before you ask, urban settings get a pass by these gatekeepers as a subgenre, but many will turn up their nose at a non-Earth fantasy book that refuses to imitate Camelot at some point. Thankfully, they are a minority, but this brings up a secondary question:

WHAT IS FANTASY?

Hands down. You’re all wrong and you’re all right. Fantasy is a really wonky genre at times because there are so many varieties. Fans will grab their favorite version and act like that’s the epitome of the style. You have adventure, political, social commentary, urban, dark, romantic, magical technology, post-apocalyptic, and so many more subgenres that can cause some friction among fantasy readers. Every part of a story can be criticized depending on a reader’s personal definition and taste of the genre.

People who want a highly political fantasy adventure or one with minimal magic don’t like Legends of Windemere because my stories are adventures with magic everywhere. This doesn’t mean I wrote something terrible or they have no taste in stories. It simply means that while I am a fantasy author and they are a fantasy reader, we aren’t on the same subgenre wavelength. Nothing you can do about it because personal taste is filled with nuance and individuality. Just write your story, hope a reader gives you a fair chance, and prepare to get drawn into one of the many genre debates.

Over the years, I’ve run into many bizarre arguments where I haven’t always been civil because I can get passionate. We all have this issue, so it takes a lot of willpower to remain calm when discussing how a fantasy world works. I’ll be touching on the larger areas in detail throughout this section of the book, but we can do an overview here.

The important thing to realize is that fantasy is very fluid and may be one of the most imaginative genres because you don’t have to work with reality. Earth isn’t necessary. Humans aren’t necessary. Nothing from our world is necessary. You may need a few familiar objects for readers to connect to, but this can be done working under your own rules. The trick is to establish those rules early on because readers will need something to hook them and carry them to when the story really kicks off.

One could say that fantasy is run by guidelines once you step out of the writing mechanics area such as grammar and story structure. This is why you can stumble into a debate about if magic is required for a fantasy story or what level such a thing should be at. People argue over if ‘real’ fantasy has politics or quest-based adventures because the loose guidelines can work with both. I feel the genre is driven primarily by the setting and characters who carry whatever story you give them. Guess you could say this about any genre, but I always sense it’s more so for fantasy. People really take these stories so seriously that fandoms will feud and authors will get drawn into the middle at times. Best you can do is decide on your own definition and set a polite example. That or shout about how such puny mortal discussions are beneath the attention of a god who is in the middle of crafting more of his world. I’m sure that wouldn’t backfire.

Posted in Teaser Tuesday | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Characters Need to Be Perfect! Real People Can Screw Up!

Posted on September 5, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Over the course of this year, I’ve seen several authors talk about reviews complaining about character intelligence.  Specifically, readers hate when a character makes a ‘stupid mistake’.  They feel it ruins the story and go on a rant.  I think we’ve all seen this in action and had this reaction as well.  Yet, there is something to consider: REALITY.

First, let’s admit that we’ve all gotten annoyed with a character who makes a stupid mistake.  It’s usually something that ruins an established plan or causes the plot to take a sudden turn.  We think it’s contrived and done entirely to extend the story, which isn’t entirely true.  A character could be perfect and make every right decision to reach the ending fairly quickly.  That would be boring, but it’s feasible and what people unwittingly ask for when they rail against character mistakes.  Oops.

This reaction is born from frustration and does show an emotional investment has been made by the reader.  Authors want this, but is is a double-edged sword that loves to smack its wielder in the face.  Emotional investment means you start putting heroes on pedestals and thinking you know exactly what they will do.  So, a bad decision will seem incredibly unnatural even if it makes logical sense.  I’m not talking about characters suddenly forgetting to use their powers, tools, and skills at a climax when they’ve been doing so under other stressful situations.  I’m talking about a realistic mistake where a decision is made based of bad logic or missing information.  Those are the ones that seem to really rile up a reader because they come with a level of confidence from the character.

Here is a question that we should ask before we run off to write a review or continue reading out of spite:

Is the mistake realistic?

Everybody makes mistakes, which is a phrase we’ve grown up with.  It’s used to help a person not feel bad about screwing up.  It’s a phrase of forgiveness because we understand that mistakes happen.  In reality, we’re very quick to help people get through even some major bad decisions.  Yet, we don’t extend the same flexibility to fictional characters.  It makes some sense since we see their mistakes as plot twists instead of legitimate errors by a thinking being.  This is where we need to step away from the story and analyze what is going on.

Consider these other questions:

  1. Does the character have the same amount of information as the reader?  If the reader knows more than the character then they’ll know what the right answer is.  The character will not because they don’t have the benefit of the full puzzle.  It means, they are more likely to make a mistake in a situation where the reader would be able to succeed.  We put our own knowledge on the characters without realizing we’re being shown all the pieces.
  2. How stressful and time constrained is the situation? If you have all the time in the world, you can make a good decision even with partial information.  A reader has this because they can put the book down and walk away to think about how the hero will get out of their situation.  The character doesn’t have that luxury.  They may have seconds or minutes to make a choice.  In reality, this is where many people will screw up because of stress and panic.  We’re talking people who may be brave and wise, but crack under the right amount of pressure.  Characters should be treated no differently here.  At least I think so.
  3. Is the character going to learn from that mistake? As I said, mistakes are very common in reality.  This is one of the ways in which a person learns and grows even if they’re already an adult.  ‘Trail and error’ is the term instead of ‘do it perfectly on the first try’.  If the character realizes their mistake and grows stronger because of it then that makes them more relatable.  Think of every time you’ve screwed up and had to improve to avoid making the same mistake.  People gave you a second chance, so the fictional characters should get the same.

That third question is key for both readers and authors.  You need to show that the mistake had an impact in order to justify it being made.  This is especially true if it’s a mid-story decision.  It is harder to pull off a finale bad decision, but those are still realistic if set up correctly.  The alternative is to make characters perfect and never fail, but then you get complaints that there are no stakes.  Just can’t win in some ways.

So, what do you think about characters making mistakes?

Posted in Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 42 Comments

A Labor of Love

Posted on September 5, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

The first Monday in September is Labor Day in the US, a day to pay tribute to the contributions and achievements of those people in our past who …

A Labor of Love
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Strange and Silly Lizards

Posted on September 4, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

I was trying to think of a good animal to do a quick post on, but everything needed a lot more research.  Of course, I got to thinking about types of animals that are too numerous for me to do a post about.  Lizards came to mind since there are so many of them.  There are some pretty odd and amazing species out there too.  Let’s look at 9 of them:

The frilled lizard is from Australia and New Guinea.  I’ve liked this one since I was a kid because it looked silly.  When threatened, it gets on its back legs and opens its frill to go running.

The Basilisk is called the Jesus lizard for a good reason.  It runs on water to escape predators.  It can’t go forever, but it can go enough that it gets away.

This is not Godzilla, but you can see the resemblance.  The marine iguana is found on the Galapagos islands and are the only lizards to have a marine lifestyle. When diving, they can spend up to an hour underwater without coming up for air.

We’ve done land and sea, so here is the Draco Lizard with air.  Using flaps of skin, they are able to glide among the trees.

The armadillo girdled lizard is heavily armored and found along the desert coast of South Africa.  They curl into a ball when threatened, which protects their underbellies and makes them look like an Ouroboros (serpent/dragon eating its own tail).

The Satanic Leaf-Tailed Gecko . . . I mean, just look at it and see the name.  It deserves to be in this post.

I’ll probably do a Komodo Dragon post down the road, but I couldn’t keep it off this list.  This is the world’s largest lizard and it is an aggressive, deadly predator.  It is one of the few lizards with a venomous bite as if this beast needs any other weapons besides its claws, teeth, and tail.

The Pinocchio lizard is also called the horned anole or the Ecuadorian anole.  The males have the long nose, which is used for courtship displays.  They are considered endangered due to habitat loss.

This isn’t a snake.  There are 8 families of legless lizards, which have none or tiny, useless limbs.  Unlike snakes, they have eyelids, external ear openings, no broad belly scales, a broad tongue instead of forked, two equal lungs, and a long tail.  Skeletally, snakes actually have a long body and short tail while these guys are the opposite.

This last one is just so colorful.  It is called the common agama, red-headed rock agama, or rainbow agama.  They are found in Sub-Saharan Africa.  Really they just look really cool with all their colors.

Let’s get some videos:

Posted in Animal Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

Goal Post: Back to the Classroom

Posted on September 3, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

The school year started up again for me on Tuesday.  So, I’ve been working hard since then with not much of a chance to write.  Not much energy too.  Part of it simply getting used to waking up early and hitting the ground running.  This is shaping up to be an interesting and fun year though.  So, I should be able to get some writing in once I get my act together and prep the November/December posts.

On the parenting side of things, my son started school yesterday.  He’s got a really good schedule and the classes are rather clear.  There are one or two that have me a little on the nervous side.  This is 8th grade and the difficulty always seems to ramp up immensely to prepare kids for high school.  It’ll take a lot of work and time for my son to get through this because some of the classes won’t be that merciful.  At least, not if I go by the syllabi that he brought home for a few of them.  I expect March to be where I lose most, if not most, of my sanity as usual.

Guess I should get to the writing portion of this post.  This is an author blog even though I haven’t done much publishing and have no idea when I’ll get to it again.  Anyway, I made it up to chapter 13 of 16 in Darwin & the Avenging Elf.  That’s 14 sections, which would normally take me 5 days.  I can finish this by the end of September even if I’m busy.  Saying that means it’ll take me halfway through October.  Thankfully, I stopped right after the set up for the Final Act.  If I can get 2 chapters done in the next week, I’ll be at the final battle.  This is all going to depend on my energy and focus, which wasn’t that great at the start of the week.  Fingers crossed on me having better luck after this weekend.

There were reasons for me being so tired.  I went to a block party for a few hours and had a lot of fun.  This also resulted in me being out in the sun and heat for about 6 hours, which made Sunday and Monday fairly rough.  So, I changed my goal from getting to the end of chapter 13 to simply reaching the start.  I got some writing in during the evenings of my first two days of work, which helped.  That won’t be as common nowadays because my son will need help with his homework.  If that wears me down, I’m not doing anything more than blog prep.  There’s always something, so I have to factor life in more than I used to.  I simply don’t bounce back like I used to.

Another project that I might start tinkering with after I finish writing Darwin & the Avenging Elf is paperbacks.  It’s been recommended that I go through all of my novels (minus the 3-in-1s and smaller books) and use Amazon to give each one a simple paperback option.  I have one almost set up for Beginning of a Hero aside from the one I created through Createspace (R.I.P.) long ago.  The issues are the same as before though:

  • I have to make the book 8.5 x 11 size (printer paper size) to work with my formatting and not make these things expensive.
  • Even at the large size, I have to price these paperbacks around $15-$20 just to make more than a few cents.  The chunk that Amazon takes out of the royalty is pretty hefty.

Anybody know more about this kind of thing?  I mean, I don’t know if the odd size is going to be that big of a deal breaker.  Let me pause writing this and see what happens if I make it 6×9 size . . .   Yikes.  I’d have to price it no less than $21.00 and that only gives me 0.35 cents royalty for outside stores.  Amazon sales would be $4.55, but that $21.00 price for a 600 page paperback seems like it would turn people off.

Any thoughts on the choices?

  • 8.5 x 11 book for $15.  Be over 300 pages.
  • 6 x 9 book for $21-$25.  Be 600 pages.

Seriously, I need some input here because I can’t tell, which one is the best route to take if I want to get any sales.  There’s only an 0.11 cent difference with the second option having the higher Amazon royalty.  Should I make a post about this next Sunday to make sure it isn’t lost in this shuffle?

Nothing else to really talk about.  Got my son for the Labor Day weekend.  Next week is diving into work and school.  I’ll inch along with a few things.  My schedule isn’t going to be editing friendly like last year, but I might be able to bring along some outlining stuff to do during my free periods.  If I can outline the next 2-3 Darwin stories before the December break then I’ll be in good shape.  It won’t be writing, but I won’t be idle this time around.

So, what are the goals of the week?

  1. Fun weekend with my son.
  2. Buying school supplies.
  3. Back to work.
  4. Homework kicks off too.
  5. Get a little writing in if I can.
  6. Work on November blog posts.
  7. Finish watching ‘Rising of the Shield Hero’.
  8. Puzzle time when possible
  9. Complete another part of my son’s Halloween costume.
Posted in Goal Posts | Tagged , , , , , | 46 Comments

Julius’s Jacket Jamboree: Please Don’t Call Us Lame to Our Face

Posted on September 2, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

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We sell jackets.  That’s it.  No, you’re thinking of a coat.  Those are longer and heavier because they’re for colder weather.  We’re more of an autumn and spring service with all of our products having a special feature.  Sure.  We have a list right here.  It’s a little dusty because people don’t like it when I tell them the difference between a jacket and a coat, which I think is obvious.  Take your time.

  • Bomber– Comes in nylon or leather of various colors.  Allows the wearer to ride air currents, but you can be carried off by strong winds.
  • Leather–  General leather jacket that gets us picketed at times.  Nothing special beyond being stronger than metal armor.
  • Bed– Simple jacket used for sitting in bed.  Inner lining vibrates to massage muscles and relieve stress.  Will make it difficult to leave bed for work or bathroom.
  • Sport–  Fancy jacket for everyday use.  Has pockets that can each hold 100 pounds without problems.  Lining does have a habit of tearing if pockets are not routinely emptied.
  • Blazer–  Another fancy jacket that regulates the body temperature to be comfortable in all weather.  Does not keep you dry.
  • Suit–  Self-explanatory and can change color to match pants.
  • Chef–  Only useful in the kitchen since that’s what it was made for.  Grants minor telekinesis, which works to attract needed cooking utensils to your hand.
  • Caraco–  Popular for those who like old-fashioned styles.  Increases endurance and strength of wearer, but only begins to work when exhaustion is reached.
  • Fleece– Very soft and warm.  Can grow to become a large ball of fabric that wearer can roll around in.  Popular with kids and college students.
  • Norfolk–  Used for fancy sports like golf and shooting.  Enhances eyesight to help with aim, but reduces hearing by half.
  • Smoking–  Comfortable jacket used for lounging around.  Releases a pleasant aroma, but makes wearer allergic to cigarettes. Highly recommended for those who wish to quit the habit.
  • Tunic–  Varied styles from military to medieval.  Powers vary depending on the quest you are given after owning the jacket for a week.  Legendary weapon not guaranteed, but highly likely.
  • Nehru– Jacket with a mandarin collar.  Acts as a turtle shell that the wearer can pull whole body into.  Interior is large enough to fit a cot and small bookcase, which helps if you’re waiting for danger to pass.
  • Mackinaw–  Plaid pattern can be whatever color combination you wish.  All will grant the ability to blend into backgrounds that are most similar to your pattern.
  • Field–  Only available for military personnel.  Powers are confidential.
  • Gilet–  Sleeveless jacket that people mistake for a vest.  Glows in the dark and provides superhuman back support.  Will require that owner do at least one weekly shift at either Home Deport or Lowes.
  • Hoodie–  Simple and comes in every color.  Putting up the hood allows wearer to sleep while jacket takes control of their body.
Posted in Olde Shoppe Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

When a Plotter and a Panster Co-Author a Novel

Posted on September 2, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Hi, SEers! Welcome to a Mae Day on SE. It’s also a Staci Troilo day because she and I wrote The Haunting of Chatham Hollow together, and that’s what …

When a Plotter and a Panster Co-Author a Novel
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Poetry Day: Cannibalized

Posted on September 1, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

(I really like this one.  It’s social commentary again.  Had myself confused at first until I read it once again.  Hope you enjoy.)

We depend on you

Our rock to hold

Within the tempest

Ignoring the chips

We are tearing off

*

We see you breaking

Becoming a human husk

Going through motions

To help those around

Believing you have no choice

*

Your eyes are sinking

Into crackling skin

Limbs twitching without cause

Yet we ask you carry on

Because you are the only one

*

We know some wish to save you

Telling you to leave

Yet our claws run deep

Gripping your spirit

In an ever crushing hold

*

We know you will carry on

Too many hold you high

Depending on your sacrifice

To save them

From the fate of sweating hard

*

We should tell our secret

Since you cannot leave our realm

Anyone can do your job

And we will find them

After you are spent

Posted in Poems | Tagged , , , , , | 11 Comments