Julius’s Jacket Jamboree: Please Don’t Call Us Lame to Our Face

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We sell jackets.  That’s it.  No, you’re thinking of a coat.  Those are longer and heavier because they’re for colder weather.  We’re more of an autumn and spring service with all of our products having a special feature.  Sure.  We have a list right here.  It’s a little dusty because people don’t like it when I tell them the difference between a jacket and a coat, which I think is obvious.  Take your time.

  • Bomber– Comes in nylon or leather of various colors.  Allows the wearer to ride air currents, but you can be carried off by strong winds.
  • Leather–  General leather jacket that gets us picketed at times.  Nothing special beyond being stronger than metal armor.
  • Bed– Simple jacket used for sitting in bed.  Inner lining vibrates to massage muscles and relieve stress.  Will make it difficult to leave bed for work or bathroom.
  • Sport–  Fancy jacket for everyday use.  Has pockets that can each hold 100 pounds without problems.  Lining does have a habit of tearing if pockets are not routinely emptied.
  • Blazer–  Another fancy jacket that regulates the body temperature to be comfortable in all weather.  Does not keep you dry.
  • Suit–  Self-explanatory and can change color to match pants.
  • Chef–  Only useful in the kitchen since that’s what it was made for.  Grants minor telekinesis, which works to attract needed cooking utensils to your hand.
  • Caraco–  Popular for those who like old-fashioned styles.  Increases endurance and strength of wearer, but only begins to work when exhaustion is reached.
  • Fleece– Very soft and warm.  Can grow to become a large ball of fabric that wearer can roll around in.  Popular with kids and college students.
  • Norfolk–  Used for fancy sports like golf and shooting.  Enhances eyesight to help with aim, but reduces hearing by half.
  • Smoking–  Comfortable jacket used for lounging around.  Releases a pleasant aroma, but makes wearer allergic to cigarettes. Highly recommended for those who wish to quit the habit.
  • Tunic–  Varied styles from military to medieval.  Powers vary depending on the quest you are given after owning the jacket for a week.  Legendary weapon not guaranteed, but highly likely.
  • Nehru– Jacket with a mandarin collar.  Acts as a turtle shell that the wearer can pull whole body into.  Interior is large enough to fit a cot and small bookcase, which helps if you’re waiting for danger to pass.
  • Mackinaw–  Plaid pattern can be whatever color combination you wish.  All will grant the ability to blend into backgrounds that are most similar to your pattern.
  • Field–  Only available for military personnel.  Powers are confidential.
  • Gilet–  Sleeveless jacket that people mistake for a vest.  Glows in the dark and provides superhuman back support.  Will require that owner do at least one weekly shift at either Home Deport or Lowes.
  • Hoodie–  Simple and comes in every color.  Putting up the hood allows wearer to sleep while jacket takes control of their body.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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12 Responses to Julius’s Jacket Jamboree: Please Don’t Call Us Lame to Our Face

  1. L. Marie says:

    Hilarious! 😄 😁😄 😁 I’ll definitely take a Nehru jacket! (And I’m old enough to remember when those were in style!) Love the fleece and the hoodie! (In real life as well. I have a bunch in my closet for frosty days.)


  2. Terrific, Charles. Love these laughables.


  3. I was hoping for a flak jacket, for work purposes.


  4. Chel Owens says:

    I’m going to need several varieties, especially the ‘bed.’


  5. V.M.Sang says:

    Great shop. I can’t decide between a hoodie of chef. (I’m just about to go and do some cooking.)


  6. That’s fun, the field jacket with confidential powers. I’d prefer the bomber jacket, though. Just have to stay in reach of something to grab onto when the wind picks up.


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