Am I in the Wrong Country?

First, I have no idea how the Amazon list rankings work.  Bestiary hasn’t sold more than 10 copies overall and it’s 62 in its category.  This makes the confusion of Beginning of a Hero even worse:

Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #61,579 Paid in Kindle Store

That is the US site and I’m still plummeting.

Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #11,098 Paid in Kindle Store

That is the UK site and I’m selling there.

So, I’m really wondering if I’m living in the wrong country or at least focusing on the wrong one.  Might have to look into how UK pizza is.

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Author Memes

I ran into these and thought I’d share a few good ones.  Figure self-published authors need some laughs and smiles in the summer.

Apparently this is IT for fantasy author memes. Everything else was Twilight for some reason.

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More College Tales: Choked Out & Revenge

This isn’t as funny as previous stories, but somebody requested it when I hinted at it.  I’m going to balance it with a ‘revenge’ story.

In freshman year, I made a few friends and we bonded over video games, wrestling, pizza, and stupid noises.  My roommate, two of our friends, and I decided to hang out with this other guy that we’re going to call Richard.  Not even close to his real name.  Anyway, my roommate HAD to show us a super move in Street Fighter.  We watched and waited patiently.  Suddenly, Richard decided to come up behind me with his key lanyard and wrap it around my neck.  He was choking me out and I had no idea why.  At first, I thought he was goofing off, but I quickly realized he was fucking stupid.  Vision swam, face turned blue, and my roommate was still focused on the television cursing at Ryu.  In his defense, I wasn’t making any noise.

One of the other friends (a wrestler in high school) jumped in to save me and went off on Richard.  The excuse was that I didn’t tap out.  I was still unsure of my surroundings, but I think I remember someone crying in pain behind me.  Richard might have been put into a submission hold as a lesson.  Apologies were shared and I made it a note to never let this guy behind me.

Weeks later, I couldn’t find any of my gaming friends and had wandered my way to Richard’s room.  Well, I was looking for his neighbor, but he had Castlevania: Symphony of the Night on his Playstation.  I was intrigued and drawn to it, forgetting what had happened.  Though, I was a tougher person and would have thrown down with him if he tried it again.

We said ‘hi’ and he showed me the game until he had to make a phone call.  It was to a girl that he must have encountered earlier.  At first, I thought girlfriend.  Then he explained how he got her number, which made me wonder what was going on.  She hung up on him.  He called back, exchanged words, and she hung up again.  Third time, he went in swearing and screaming, daring her to call the police.  Take a guess who showed up at his door 10 minutes later.

Around this time, he gave me the controller and told me to wander around.  He stood in the hallway arguing with the cops who were explaining what a restraining order is.  I listened until I got busy.  You see, he was near the end of the game and I stumbled into the final boss fight.  While he was getting a restraining order, I was decimating Dracula while barely knowing the buttons.  My quote of this encounter was:

“Don’t come back into the room unless you want to see the ending!”

He punched me in the arm and spent a few tries pathetically dying.  I left and reported the incident to my friends, who thought it was hilarious.

There were other encounters with this guy.  He tried to convince me to write a story with him that resulted in a ‘computer crash’.  I got stuck sitting next to him on a 10-hour train ride listening to him talk about some of the nastiest, most disgusting things that I had ever heard.  I refuse to repeat it.  Near the end of the year, he was looking for me and my roommate sent him to the lake.  He thought I was elsewhere, but I was at the lake and felt ‘something’ approach.  I hope after all these years, Richard has matured and is no longer the guy that tried to kill me.

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Emotions and Adventure

I’m trying to figure something out here for a project.  I need to think up 10 emotions that one would go through while on a fantasy adventure.  My goal is to tell a story in 10 poems while retaining a specific emotion in each poem.  Here is what I have so far:

  1. Courage (Setting out)
  2. Pride (Early adventurer)
  3. Frustration (First obstacle/loss)
  4. Determination (Continuing on)
  5. Fear (Monster!)
  6. Love (Everyone needs some love)
  7. Anger (Loss of love?)
  8. Insanity/Darkness (Turning evil)
  9. Guilt (Return of one’s conscience)
  10. Hope (Victory and hero status)

That’s what I have for my part of this project.  Any suggestions or feedback would be appreciated.

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Guest Post: A D/A Dialogue Roundtable Discussion

(This is a guest post from the D/A Dialogues.  Thank you to Katie for writing this post and I hope everyone goes to follow her site.  Her posts are always informative and entertaining.)

A: Welcome to the D/A Dialogue Roundtable. First, I would like to thank our host, Charles Yallowitz for inviting us to be guest posters on his blog, the Legends of Windemere. This is an honor and I am really excited. So are the characters in my head! So thank you, Charles – this is wonderful!

We’ve been asked to discuss what it’s like handling multiple characters at once, especially when one has a strong, overpowering personality.

D: Who would that be?

A: (Eye roll) Gee, D. I don’t know.

D: Oh, you mean me? Thank you.

A: I’m not sure it was a compliment.

Sean & Maureen: Um, excuse us, but I think we’re supposed to be in on this conversation too?

A: Yes, of course. Forgive me. Let me do a few introductions:

The participants in today’s Dialogue:

D: Dubh an Suile (Duv en Sule), a seventh century Pict warrior and Druid. Also a time-traveller and god-impersonator.

A: the author (Katie Sullivan).

Sean: Sean McAndrew, a 16-year old orphan and altar boy being reared at St. Cormac’s Convent and Boarding School near Rockfleet, Ireland. Loves comics.

Maureen: Maureen O’Malley, Sean’s best friend and fellow orphan at St. Cormac’s. Maureen is not an altar-anything and prefers seditious reading material to Sean’s comic books.

Sean and Maureen were born in 1942. Their mothers grew up together near Newport, Ireland and both their fathers were shot down over Nuremberg in 1944. They stumbled on a time portal in their church and were catapulted through time. Currently, they are in 1916 Dublin, right before the Easter Rising.

Maureen: And he (jerks thumb at Sean) won’t let me have any fun.

Sean: Fun? Fun!?! Helping a failed uprising is not fun, Maureen.

Maureen: You had no problem helping pirates in the 16th century.

Sean: only because it meant saving your life.

A: Please excuse the children; they’re not seeing eye-to-eye at the moment. Maureen wants Sean to be happy but also wants to help the leaders of the 1916 Easter Rising. So, she’s lying to him.

Maureen: And? It gets the job done and skips the lecture. Because he does lecture.

Sean: I do not; it’s not my fault I can see reason, whereas you are so completely consumed by some blind idealism that is going to get us killed.

A: Yes, and they’ve been doing that for two weeks. Same argument. Every other page. No matter how many times I delete them.

Sean: And he didn’t do anything to stop her.

D: Let’s not point fingers. I tried to warn you.

A: Despite that D is quite the large personality, Sean and Maureen – their relationship to one another and to the events of the story – really are the driving force of Book One. I think D has such a strong personality on our blog because he has to bide his time until he gets his own book. He’s a bit of a scene stealer, but he has only a few scenes to actually steal.

D: Can I ask Sean and Maureen a question?

A: Um, why?

D: I don’t get to interact with them often – and when I do, it’s under circumstances of dire peril. I’d like to know their feelings on how their story has changed.

A: Okay, but behave yourself.

D: Behave indeed! Anyway, Sean and Maureen, you were the initial front-runners of the Out of Time series. How does it feel to have me, essentially an interloper, take over your book and get a blog too?

Maureen: Actually having you around gave us a really good reason to exist. We make sense – we have a backstory and a future, and there’s a reason for us gallivanting around a time portal in a church. . . .Sorry, that always makes me smile.

Sean: I like it because now we don’t have to shout. You and A bicker so much that when we whisper our stories to her, she listens.

Maureen: But she does have a problem getting us to Dublin.

Sean: Oh yeah. Every time it’s this agonizing thing. I mean, she re-wrote that chapter in Part 1 what, three times before it sounded okay?

Maureen: At least.

Sean: And in Part 2? I think three or four chapters had to be re-written several times “because the mechanism was wrong!” It’s exhausting.

Maureen: D, you can be a bit of a bad influence. You’re epic, you know? You’ve done and seen a lot. I’m not entirely sure why he picked us, and I guess we’re not supposed to know until we’re older.

Sean: How much older? Maureen, have you been reading ahead?

Maureen: Oh my god, you are way too good. Why do you put up with me?

Sean: I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately.

Maureen: Fine. Whatever. Anyway, D is also a bad influence because A is normally pretty spare in her writing, but when she’s been talking to him too much, we get all dramatic and angsty.

D: This coming from the teenager.

Maureen: Exactly.

A: She’s not wrong, D. It is a drawback to paying attention to you. I started out writing a fun adventure story, and my style tends to be straightforward. Acknowledging the “D Factor” certainly adds another layer, and I like it, but it is a challenge. It’s still a fun romp, but you’re pretty deep, D. You make lighthearted go cry in a corner.

Sean: But in general, D is well-mannered enough to stick to the background when necessary.

Maureen: Although, I think he should really take A by the hand and help her get us to Dublin.

Sean: Good point.

D: (Sniff) A, I’m so proud.

A:  . . .

D: They’re putting aside their differences to castigate you as well as me. Our babies are growing up.

A: And with that, I think we ought to wrap it up – thank you again to Charles for letting us have this chat, and thank you to all of you for reading! Managing multiple characters when one is an overbearing, opinionated—

D: A. Stick to the point.

A: –powerful personality isn’t too difficult, so long as you don’t take them too seriously.

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The Cover

Check out the cover art for Robert Davis’s upcoming short story collection, Rakasha.

rbdavis5's avatarFollow my Attempt to Change to an Author

Hello all,

As promised, this is my cover for Rakasha: Legend of the Hindi Tiger Demon.

this is both the front, and back cover, Create Space and I are still working out the ‘how’ of the cover wrap!

The art work was done by Lunasea Lunaseas: Home: Zazzle.com Storelunaseas on deviantARThttps://www.facebook.com/LunaseasStudio and the cover work was done by Katherine Kerber http://infinitydesign.businesscatalyst.com

The Blurb, for those that can’t read it is

In the ancient jungles of the east stalks a creature.
An ancient Hindi Demon with a powerfully addictive bite
Dressed in the skins of breathtaking beauty, this man eater seeks more than the lives of its victims, as its bite claims their flesh and their soul. Now the creature has slipped from the jungle and walks amongst us.

Join Robert Davis in this collection of short stories as he explores the Rakasha

Over all I am very pleased with…

View original post 59 more words

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Ode to the Austrian Pine

Majestic and ancient
Alive before the campus rose
Remembering its brethren
Long since axed and mulched
It stands before the freshman dorm
Content with its humble life
It could live this way forever
Or at least until
The Uhaul ends its time

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Charles Versus the Crane

Bastet has requested that I tell the story of the crane in the store.  This is another tale of my time as a Hollywood Video employee.  In fact, this was during my 3-month stint as a store manager.   They were closing the store before I got there and thought I could give it a last wind, which I did.  Too little, too late.

So, I was opening the store and people were coming in slowly.  I was tending to the returns and left the front door open for some air.  Somebody had taken the copper or whatever out of one of the roof-mounted AC units, so the store was hot.  Anyway, I saw something come into the store and thought nothing of it.  Then my employee made a loud curse and dropped something.  I went into the aisles to see what happened.  I turned a corner to see this:

There was a mating pair of cranes at a nearby pond and they always wandered the parking lot.  One of them decided to enter the store while its mate hung around the doors.  The idea that I was about to get robbed by a pair of cranes crossed my mind.  Also, that I was about to be mauled by a crane.

I tried making noise and scaring it out, but it wandered to the front and investigated the candy.  I’m 5’5” and they are really serious about protecting animals down there, so I was stuck.  I called my boss and got the following:

Me-  I’ve got a problem.
Boss-  I can’t come out to help you every time you have a small issue.
Me-  There’s a crane in the store.
Boss-  Construction or feathered?
Me- Feathers, beak, and it’s now stopping people from getting into the store.
Boss- Grab it and throw it out!
Me- I’m not wrestling a crane!
Boss- Throw bad movies at it.
Me- Will I have to pay for the damaged movies?
Boss- Yes.
Me-  Then no.
Boss- Only one thing you can do.
Me-  Call animal control?
Boss-  No.  Give it a membership form and sign it up for our premiere customer program.  Let me know how it turns out.

I didn’t know whether to hate him or applaud him for that maneuver.  So, an hour passed with me trying everything to get the crane out of there without hitting it.  I wasn’t winning this fight.  Finally, one of our regular customers showed up and saw the crane.  He was either a retired cop or a retired animal control person.  I can’t remember which, but he laughed in the doorway.  Then he looked at the crane, pointed outside, and bellowed ‘GET OUT!’  The crane simply walked out.  I gave the man a few free rentals for that and marked down why in his file.

Did I ever encounter the cranes again?  A few times, but most of them were cordial.  They tried to get into my car once, but left when I honked the horn.  I have an odd history with wild animals.

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Happily Never After

Due to some confusion, we (Ionia & Charles) feel that something should be made clear.

We aren’t married.

We are very close friends that care a lot about each other and are comfortable enough to tease and banter without holding back.  To that end we are announcing our ‘Nonmarriage’ with this announcement:

You are all cordially NOT invited to the non-existent wedding of Ionia Martin & Charles Yallowitz.

Earl the invisible hillbilly will be the best man and Becky Sue the always pregnant redneck will be the maid of honor.  All bridesmaids and flower girls have been graciously provided by Becky Sue.

These two shall NOT be exchanging vows beyond threatening each other with squirrels and short jokes.

Join neither of them for a non-existent banquet where you have to bring your own beer, the cupcakes are catalogue pictures, and the DJ is nothing more than Pandora.

Hope everyone enjoys the party that isn’t happening and remember:

We are Not married.

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Tech Support Morning

My laptop is a Dell from 2006.  I know, it’s a travesty that I’m still using it.  Well, it was doing good for a while.  Then, I put new virus and spyware checkers on it that killed the speed.  After that, I decided to go for full-time author and my laptop became a constant companion instead of sleeping all day.  To date, the following issues are going on with my laptop:

  1. It can’t charge beyond 50%.
  2. Buttons occasionally refuse to work.
  3. It doesn’t always acknowledge that it’s plugged in.
  4. It doesn’t have the memory to work its own screensaver.
  5. Updates make it cry.
  6. NEW ONE!  It doesn’t always turn on.

Guess I know where my royalties are going, but there seems to be a new wrinkle in the whole epic mess.  If I get a new computer now, I’m stuck with Windows 8.  This seems to be a big problem because they’re ‘fixing’ it in the fall, which I might not get if I buy a new computer now.  When did it become mandatory to curse the name of Microsoft when computer shopping?  I don’t have a choice in Windows 8 and I don’t understand the whole tile thing.

So, today is going to be a low computer day while I hunt for a replacement.  All I need is a laptop with storage, Microsoft Word, and internet.  Tempted to stick with the Firefox virus and spyware protection instead of the lumbering beasts I have now.

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