Happy Halloween!

I’m spending the holiday handing out candy and trying to make some progress on Darwin & the Deadland Queen.  The last 7 days haven’t been kind to me as far as writing goes.  Here’s the quick breakdown:

Last Saturday– I figured I wouldn’t get far because I only had 3 hours to myself.  Errands and a friend in need resulted in me only managing to write the first few paragraphs of chapter 7.

Last Sunday– Family was over, but I had a plan to write at least the first section . . . Partial power outage until 4 PM.  I couldn’t access the book to do writing.  By the time power came back, I was so frustrated and tired that I couldn’t focus.  I did manage to finish the outline for ‘Coven of the Gray’ though.

Wednesday– I had a few hours in the evening to finish the first section.  Then my laptop was forced to upgrade to Windows 11  or something.  At this point, I felt like the universe was simply out to get me.

All of the other weekdays were filled with appointments and general exhaustion.  I have a shot at get most of chapter 7 done this weekend, but I’m waiting for there to be a freak storm or Kaiju attack.  Small chance of me having writing time on Tuesday or Wednesday night though.  I’ll be happy if I can finish chapter 7 before next weekend, which finishes Act 1 of this story.  That means I can relax when the life event . . . Fuck it . . . The custody situation takes the spotlight.  Can’t go into any more details about that.

You know, I do want to say what is going on now has basically been the culmination of the last 8 years.  This has been at the core of my stress and why I have trouble writing.  The stress and frustration I feel on a daily basis has damaged my imagination.  Even when I try to force dreams while sleeping, my mind goes to the custody situation.  It used to be me running through scenarios as Luke Callindor for his series or Clyde for his.  Sometimes I simply dreamt of older things such as when I wanted to be a superhero or being teleported to Windemere myself.  Haven’t had one of those dreams in years because my mind has been trapped in the stress of reality.

This is another reason why I keep doubting my writing abilities for the last few years.  I was happy to spend some of the more painful ones editing.  I believe that was right after the custody agreement got changed, so I was adapting to the new situation.  Now, I’m just ragged on most days.  It’s kind of messed up that the most relaxing period of time I’ve had in the last year was when I was hospitalized around Thanksgiving last year.  Not that I want to go through that agony and horror again.  It’s just that I rarely get a moment to breathe while I struggle to continue writing.  The times I carve out routinely get absorbed by other people who don’t realize or accept that I need me time.  It’s always adults too, which is frustrating.

Venting results in stomach pain, so I’m going to stop.  There isn’t much else to talk about anyway.  Work was crazy busy.  My son is doing great in school and he’s spending Halloween with friends as a teenager should.  I’ll have to get a picture of him up on a post if he lets me.  Going to do a timeline of Halloween costumes on Facebook since this might be the last one.  At least one that involves his old man.  So many changes coming within the next 9 months.  Be nice if my imagination comes back after all of the chaos is over and I get more freedom.   Probably take a while.

As I said, next week is going to be messy.  Monday has appointments until late at night then Tuesday is online training.  Might not be able to get much sleep between those things, so I’ll be starting off exhausted.  That puts the Wednesday writing at risk, so I might have to brace myself for that being an evening of healing.  I can’t predict much more of that, but I do know this week and the following one are going to be hectic.  There’s no way around that, so I won’t even raise my hopes in it being easy until maybe November 16th . . . I mean the 17th since I just looked at my calendar.  If 2025 was the year of me being physically brutalized, 2026 is aiming for my psyche.

Goals of the week:

1. Enjoy Halloween.
2. Work on Darwin & the Deadland Queen.
3. Work on ‘Coven of the Gray’ if possible.
4. Online training.
5. Finish the December posts.
6. Laundry, I guess.
7. Lego when I need to relax and take a screen break.