Charles Versus the Crane

Bastet has requested that I tell the story of the crane in the store.  This is another tale of my time as a Hollywood Video employee.  In fact, this was during my 3-month stint as a store manager.   They were closing the store before I got there and thought I could give it a last wind, which I did.  Too little, too late.

So, I was opening the store and people were coming in slowly.  I was tending to the returns and left the front door open for some air.  Somebody had taken the copper or whatever out of one of the roof-mounted AC units, so the store was hot.  Anyway, I saw something come into the store and thought nothing of it.  Then my employee made a loud curse and dropped something.  I went into the aisles to see what happened.  I turned a corner to see this:

There was a mating pair of cranes at a nearby pond and they always wandered the parking lot.  One of them decided to enter the store while its mate hung around the doors.  The idea that I was about to get robbed by a pair of cranes crossed my mind.  Also, that I was about to be mauled by a crane.

I tried making noise and scaring it out, but it wandered to the front and investigated the candy.  I’m 5’5” and they are really serious about protecting animals down there, so I was stuck.  I called my boss and got the following:

Me-  I’ve got a problem.
Boss-  I can’t come out to help you every time you have a small issue.
Me-  There’s a crane in the store.
Boss-  Construction or feathered?
Me- Feathers, beak, and it’s now stopping people from getting into the store.
Boss- Grab it and throw it out!
Me- I’m not wrestling a crane!
Boss- Throw bad movies at it.
Me- Will I have to pay for the damaged movies?
Boss- Yes.
Me-  Then no.
Boss- Only one thing you can do.
Me-  Call animal control?
Boss-  No.  Give it a membership form and sign it up for our premiere customer program.  Let me know how it turns out.

I didn’t know whether to hate him or applaud him for that maneuver.  So, an hour passed with me trying everything to get the crane out of there without hitting it.  I wasn’t winning this fight.  Finally, one of our regular customers showed up and saw the crane.  He was either a retired cop or a retired animal control person.  I can’t remember which, but he laughed in the doorway.  Then he looked at the crane, pointed outside, and bellowed ‘GET OUT!’  The crane simply walked out.  I gave the man a few free rentals for that and marked down why in his file.

Did I ever encounter the cranes again?  A few times, but most of them were cordial.  They tried to get into my car once, but left when I honked the horn.  I have an odd history with wild animals.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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42 Responses to Charles Versus the Crane

  1. That’s hilarious! I especially enjoy the conversation with your boss 😉

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  2. ioniamartin says:

    I heard this story but somehow reading it in the pot made it funny all over again. I laughed out loud.

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  3. Hahaha. You can’t make this stuff up. Hahaha.

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  4. Oloriel says:

    What an interesting story and the boss convo just made me chuckle:)

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  5. MishaBurnett says:

    I received a work order once to get a kitten out a drain pipe. The departmental secretary told the faculty members who called it in to call animal control, but they were sure that the kitten needed help immediately. So I was sent, presumably because as a locksmith I was familiar with getting things out of places that they weren’t supposed to be.

    So, I got some thick leather gloves and some safety goggles, and checked it out. As it happened, one, it wasn’t a kitten, it was a possum, and two, it was a very sick possum, with an open infected cut on its face and God knows what else, probably rabies and leprosy and bubonic plague at the least.

    So I called animal control. Also that’s when I realized that teaching on a university level does not require much in the way of practical intelligence.

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  6. Cool!!! 🙂 🙂

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  7. 1WriteWay says:

    Oh, what fun! Surely more people started coming to the store in the hope that they would see the cranes again … ok, well, I would have 😉

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  8. sknicholls says:

    Too funny. In Florida, who would’a thunk cranes could understand English!

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  9. My dad and I visited my grandfather’s farm in Arkansas once. He had a very tall goose. He liked to chase people and try to bite them. I ran halfway around the farm trying not to get bit. When the goose tried that with my dad, he raised his arms way above his head so he looked two feet taller and made some loud noises. Looked a little funny, but it worked. I don’t know if that works with cranes, though. 🙂

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  10. Office Diva says:

    Sometimes it sucks to the boss, huh? This is a fun story; would have been great for one of those Americas Funniest Videos moments. The animals always won the day (don’t they always?) I like the videos of those animals who are always pooping on reporters or climbing up their leg when they’re just trying to do a story about a koala or a pet lizard or something. hahahahaha!

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  11. after living with farm animals, pets anf encountering wild one, they KNOW I am noy an alphs, heck I probably am an omega. My husband learned how to perform the alpha male thing and animals scurry obey

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  12. Tuan Ho says:

    Haha! I think this may be my favorite little story of yours.

    Just curious, would you happen to remember what movies the customer rented for his free rentals? 🙂

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  13. God, they tried to get in your car, too? Too funny! They must really like you, Charles.

    My non-profit job was headquartered in an old house – there was a lot of construction going on around us, and the crews had “befriended” a raccoon that shouldn’t have been roaming around in daylight anyway. It was early spring but pretty warm – we hadn’t put up the screens on the doors yet, so I propped them open. . . . in wanders the raccoon! He waddles through my office and starts up the stairs to check out things up there. I didn’t even realize at first because my mother has Maine Coon cats and they do look similar. On the double-take I realized what it was and immediately started screaming for my boss – bigger, male and with better health insurance than I – from the safety of the top of my desk. The raccoon was pretty placid about the whole thing. Looked kinda lonely . . . but still!

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  14. keladelaide says:

    That is hilarious and your boss is almost funnier than you.

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  15. Bastet says:

    LOL! This was even better than the leak! I would have thought the old boss would have said something corny like “The customer is always right!” Thanks for sharing this fantastic story…made my day! 🙂

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  16. mrsgillies says:

    I love it. “GET OUT”. Haha.

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