Happily Never After

Due to some confusion, we (Ionia & Charles) feel that something should be made clear.

We aren’t married.

We are very close friends that care a lot about each other and are comfortable enough to tease and banter without holding back.  To that end we are announcing our ‘Nonmarriage’ with this announcement:

You are all cordially NOT invited to the non-existent wedding of Ionia Martin & Charles Yallowitz.

Earl the invisible hillbilly will be the best man and Becky Sue the always pregnant redneck will be the maid of honor.  All bridesmaids and flower girls have been graciously provided by Becky Sue.

These two shall NOT be exchanging vows beyond threatening each other with squirrels and short jokes.

Join neither of them for a non-existent banquet where you have to bring your own beer, the cupcakes are catalogue pictures, and the DJ is nothing more than Pandora.

Hope everyone enjoys the party that isn’t happening and remember:

We are Not married.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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82 Responses to Happily Never After

  1. You may not be married, but you never cease to entertain us

    Like

  2. ioniamartin says:

    We never even announced our non engagement.

    Like

  3. sknicholls says:

    I am glad that you are friends. You both make the world a little brighter for all of us 🙂

    Like

  4. Where do I send the non-gift? Are you serving non-caviar and non Champaign or just non-beer?

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  5. LindaGHill says:

    Uncongratulations! I hope you’ll continue to be very happy apart.

    Like

  6. kingmidget says:

    “She’s aiming for the knees, so I’ll have to jump.” Unintentionally, you just established that the truth of what you say here. If you were married, she’d be aiming for the head.

    Like

  7. Hahaha, happy unwedding day. You two are so uncute together. 😉

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  8. Jack Flacco says:

    Congrats on the non-wedding. Will there be leftover non-wedding cake for the non-guests? 😉

    Like

  9. There’s a wedding I can afford not to attend, and a wedding gift I can afford not to give. Congratulations, though I’m not sure if it’s in order. 🙂

    Like

  10. keladelaide says:

    I commented on Ionia’s. I’ll side with the unbride. 😉

    Like

  11. prayingforoneday says:

    lol..that was good…
    Dawn and I are not married either. Why I say “My Partner” We both made the promise and uphold it every day. These days it seems that “Piece of paper” to symbolise Marriage means not a lot, sadly. The way we see it is, we are happy, in love , so why fix something that is not broken. I know a ton of people who were happy, got married then fell out.

    Long as you are Happy…
    Good post

    Like

  12. Bastet says:

    OMG you guys are wonderful…I think the mix-up came because of a chance “Are you coming home….” a few posts ago! For a sec…well maybe a mo’ I thought you might have been at least related! 🙂

    Like

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