Can Narcissism be a Positive?

Posted on August 11, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

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That’s a really rough list and I agree with it.  Let’s keep in mind that for personal reasons, I’m rather biased here.  I see narcissism as a negative and I’ve found that most people would agree.  Even narcissists who don’t realize they are narcissists.  So, this is going to be a tough one.  Is there such a thing as Healthy Narcissism?

According to some psychologists, there is.  Has it’s own Wikipedia page too.

From reading up on it, Healthy Narcissism stems from being confident and knowing your self-worth without taking it to the extreme.  Honestly, it seems to be describing the levels of confidence before one reaches arrogance.  I saw mention of narcissism being a spectrum, so not everyone is the same.  Other people used explanations such as emotional defense mechanisms, stage of emotional maturity, and other things that boiled down to it being a part of everyone.

This isn’t going well because I’m not sure I can get behind it.  I’m going to use the chart on the Wikipedia page to compare Healthy Narcissism and Destructive Narcissism.  This is specific for managers, but it gives a decent overview:

  1. Healthy means they have self-confidence that fits with reality.  Destructive means they’re grandiose and slightly delusional on their own abilities.
  2. Healthy narcissists enjoy power without hunting for it.  Destructive will stop at nothing to gather power and have no inhibitions in this area.
  3. Healthy show empathy for others and do not exploit those around them.  Destructive looks at others as tools to exploit and focuses on socially acceptable responses with no emotion behind them.  I want to add here that this is a hallmark of narcissists.  They’re know to have no empathy for others, which is why this part makes me doubt the legitimacy of Healthy Narcissists.  Once they show empathy and concern for others then they’re not really a narcissist, are they?
  4. Healthy have consistent values that they don’t stray from.  Destructive get bored easily and will repeatedly change their values and path to gain attention.  Here we have another hallmark, I believe.
  5. Healthy narcissists have a positive childhood that supports their self-esteem and gives them limits.  Destructive have had a traumatic childhood that either disables their sense of self-worth or eliminates their sense of limits/consequences.

I was really hoping I could research and write this in a way that would show you can have narcissism as a positive trait.  Yet, I didn’t convince myself.  You can have a healthy dose of egotism and confidence.  Maybe even an abundance of arrogance, but narcissism requires a lack of empathy in my mind.  So, I guess I don’t think it’s possible.

If anyone can give a counterpoint then feel free.  I’m curious to see what other people have to say about this.

Posted in Thoughts | Tagged , , , , | 19 Comments

Teaser Tuesday: Here to Res . . . Uh Oh!

Posted on August 10, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

Cover Art by Jason Pedersen

Today, we have Timoran Wrath getting a well-deserved spotlight.  I admit that I had to edit a little of the teaser to remove a piece of information.  Want to know what changed?  Then check out Legends of Windemere: Charms of the Feykin for 99 cents!

Continue reading →

Posted in Charms of the Feykin, Legends of Windemere, Teaser Tuesday | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Narcissists and How They Operate

Posted on August 9, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

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This is a tough one because people don’t always know what these types of characters or real people are like.  We see them as egotistical manipulators or arrogant figures that are prone to gloating.  Sadly, I’ve had to interact with enough narcissists to learn about how they really operate.  It’s driven me to look stuff up, which could help design characters with this flaw.  Of course, it’s tough to do because a narcissist can be truly destructive to those around them.  Let’s look at some misconceptions:

  1. Narcissists have High Self Esteem–  This is believed because they come off as confident and sure of themselves.  They are never wrong even in the face of being proven wrong, which makes conversations a challenge.  In reality, they have low self esteem and are constantly working to gain attention to counter this.  Nearly everything they do is about hiding their weakness and coming off a strong.
  2. Narcissists Love to Win Fights–  People think that narcissists love to win arguments, which is partially true.  Yet, there is a narcissism tactic where they will purposely provoke someone they know.  Many times it’s a friend or family member.  This is done by waiting for the ‘target’ to be weak and off-guard then pushing their buttons when nobody else or only the narcissist’s supporting system is around.  The goal is to get yelled at to the point where you’re seen as the victim.  This creates attention and sympathy even though it hurts somebody who may be close to the narcissist.  It continues until the relationship hits a point where it needs to end.  Either that ‘target’ stops things for their own good or the narcissist realizes that it’s at the point where people will get suspicious if they stay in contact.
  3. Narcissists are Loners–  They act like they don’t need anybody and they’re perfectly fine being on their own.  Not even close.  Narcissists need an audience.  They need people who find their current sense of identity acceptable.  The reason is because they can only gain a sense of belonging and self-worth from others.  Internally, they cannot muster these two things on their own.
  4. Narcissists have no Loyalty–  This one . . . is actually true.  Oh, they understand the concept because this is what they want from others.  They demand acceptance and praise from their group of friends.  It isn’t reciprocated.  Once a narcissist feels that a person has become disloyal or they are asked to help in a way that is beyond their ability, they cut the person loose.  In this way, you can see how a narcissist is repeatedly reinventing themselves and gathering new circles of friends with every incarnation.  The older ones simply didn’t make the cut because they were no longer loyal to the new identity.
  5. Narcissists are Always Big Personalities–  We imagine the type as being loud and the center of attention.  They are surrounded by people and know how to schmooze a crowed.  Not true.  Some narcissists are low key.  They gain what they need through manipulation and playing the victim card.  These can be harder to identify because they don’t fit the mold we imagine.

Those are the big ones I can think of.  Can you think of anything else in regards to narcissists that people get wrong?

Posted in Thoughts | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments

Preparing for October: Windemere Monster Poll

Posted on August 8, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

Cockatrice

For a long time, I’ve been doing special posts throughout October.  This usually connects to Halloween in some fashion.  Monster Maker is always fun, which I’ll be posting about next Sunday.  Another is the Windemere Monster Poll.  It’s simple:

  1. I create a poll with monster who have yet to be highlighted on my blog.
  2. People vote.  Hopefully I get this right for people to pick more than one.
  3. The top 4 get posts get used for Wednesdays in October.

Pretty simple.  So, here’s the poll, which I hope works correctly.  If there are any issues then you can place votes in comments as well and I’ll try to work it all out.  Enjoy.

Posted in Legends of Windemere | Tagged , , , , , | 26 Comments

Goal Post: An Actual Leap Instead of a Stumble?

Posted on August 7, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

(Video picked by my son.)

This week feels like it was both fast and slow.  I remember days dragging a bit as I handled some personal things and worked around the house.  Yet, everything is a blur as if they went by on a bullet train.  Happening more often to me than I’d like to admit.

My son’s birthday party went really well.  Plenty of guests made it and nearly all of the toys I brought along were a hit.  Lawn darts didn’t get any attention, so I guess those aren’t very fun when they’re not sharp and doubling as a lawsuit-in-waiting.  The weather wasn’t too hot and we had a nice breeze to keep everyone comfortable.  It did cause some issues with the cake candles, but that’s to be expected.  The cake looked great too:

DBZ Cake

We haven’t gotten to that show yet since we’re still on original Dragon Ball, but he loved it nonetheless.  Buying 10 pizzas was crazy, especially when people ate much less than I expected.  The comedy of me handing out full pizzas to some of the families who came along with the regular goodie bag had to be seen to be believed.  I still had two full ones for home, so pizza was the big meal of the week.  Finally finished it yesterday.  We still have a quarter of the cake too!

This was the last week of camp for my son and he goes in for his other last week of camp on Monday.  Try wrapping your head around that one.  Simple answer is that certain stumbles resulted in him going to two camps with 3 weeks in each one and the first one get split 2/1 by the other.  Look, it kept him occupied this summer and he had a blast with field trips, art projects, and making new friends.  That’s the whole point of summer fun, right?

Let’s see . . . Bought a bunch of Lego sets that we’ll work on throughout the next few months.  We’re all still exhausted.  Put this fun together right before bed last night:

All Might!

Aside from mowing the lawn, the only other thing I did was write more of Slumberlord Chronicles: Darwin & the Fate Bracelet.  I got 4.5 chapters done since I got to work on Sunday too.  Ran out of steam Thursday night though, so I missed 5 by a hair.  I have 3 chapters left, so I’ll be finishing this adventure next week.  It’s gone very smoothly . . . I’d like to say that.

My notes on this book weren’t great, but I thought I had it figured out.  As the big third act was looming, I started realizing that things didn’t make sense.  Primarily because Darwin was pushing the plot along unintentionally.  He’s not supposed to know he’s part of something big for most of the story, so I began coming up with other reasons for him to do things.  I confused myself here.  Mixed up Darwin’s reasoning for the real reason certain actions needed to happen.  Some of my notes were so vague that I couldn’t figure out how to do it.  Many breaks with me staring at the ceiling had to occur.  Thankfully, it got pieced together when it needed to.  Really hope this works out because I thoroughly enjoy writing Darwin.

In other writing news, Do I Need to Use a Dragon? is still in limbo due to lack of funds and artist.  Just felt like throwing that out there because I keep fearing that I’ll forget this project entirely.  It’s been edited for the most part.  Be so much easier if I only needed a cover artist, but I really want some interior art.  Does that work will on Kindles?  If not then maybe it’s not as bad as I thought.

That’s all I’ve got for people this week.  The blog posts about negativity were really interesting, especially Monday.  Mental healthy posts always seem to draw in people who I don’t normally see.  Maybe I should think about doing more of them, but I really only know about depression and anxiety.

Television wasn’t exciting.  I watched a silly anime called ‘Isekai Quartet’, which involved chibi (tiny cute) versions of characters from other series being drawn into a high school setting.  Weird seeing the skeletal lich and his demonic minions from ‘Overlord’ in cute form, but it passed the time.  Each episode was 10-12 minutes, so it was to clear my head between writing sessions.  After that, I went to ‘Burn Notice’ Season 3 to listen to while I worked on a puzzle.  I’m just not feeling attentive enough for anything deep and my phone keeps going off like crazy with texts.  It’s all important too.

Goals of the week?

  1. Personal stuff.
  2. Time with son.
  3. I swear I’ll bike at least once.
  4. Finish Darwin & the Fate Bracelet
  5. Start preparing for road trip.
  6. Figure out something to watch on TV.
  7. Outline of other series when book is done.
  8. Maybe set up a Sunday post on . . . I forgot the topic.
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Questions 3: Thoughts on Negativity

Posted on August 6, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

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First, that’s not good advice.  If the negativity is inside you then ignoring it means you’re letting it fester.  If the negativity is from someone else then you’re doing one of two things.  The first is letting a friend continue to suffer with at least trying to see if they want to talk about it.  The second is remaining in a toxic situation with someone who you’re not able to talk with.

Anyway, here are some questions on the topic.

  1. Do you think those who are constantly negative are really in pain?  Why?
  2. What would you do to help a loved one who is always negative?
  3. What would you like people to do with you if you’re stuck on negative?
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Immortal Wars: Light, Blood, & Tears Part 24

Posted on August 5, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

(Disclaimer: A warning to those who continue.  This is a sequel to a previous story.  Both of these were written in the mid-1990’s.  While the first one was slightly edited and vanity press published, this one has not been touched in over 20 years.  I figure I should do something with it and people may get a laugh or fright from how I used to be.  Every author comes from somewhere, so this is part of my origin.  To that end, I am deeply sorry for whatever nightmares I will inflict on the literary world and the American English language.  Enjoy?)

PREVIOUS ENTRY CLICK HERE

The three remaining guardians are currently orbiting Earth in an out-dated space skimmer.  Their little journey was going smoothly until Fate lost all control and attacked his two friends.  Luckily, he was taken down by Infinity before he could tear his girlfriend apart.  Since then, they have kept a cautious eye on both him and the several news reports about their other problems.

“This adventure might not be as hard as we thought it would be.  Of course, finding them has usually been the easiest part of these trips.  We know that Tegam and Adriana are healing some critical injuries in a morgue that’s by the Twin Towers.  They should be waking up in an hour at least.  That’s more than enough time for us to get there.  Two of us can go fight them while the other goes to Hydrana’s skimmer.  Are you sure all of those restraints on you are necessary, Eddie?” Miracle asks once they enter Earth’s atmosphere.  Fate is currently strapped down and heavily restrained in a nearby chair.

“I almost killed you.  These locks and chains are a lot more than necessary.  Any idea where Hydrana and the other two are?  Or is it an impossible hit and miss job?” he responds through a metal muzzle.

“The latest reports of Hydrana are centralized around the area that she left the space skimmer.  She appears to be healing from her encounter with Draveon, which got on the six o’ clock news.  Every recent report has some mention of her missing a few pieces and growing new parts as she causes minor trouble like traffic jams and terrifying little children.  As for Draveon, he’s either gone into hiding or he hasn’t caused any more problems.  He could be walking through the city like a normal person.  If you forget the fact that he has red eyes and is the size of a large war-horse.  And Cybro is in the Long Island Sound and won’t be showing up for a couple of hours.  As usual, his head fell off when he rammed a coast guard chopper,” explains Infinity with a smile.

“You and Miracle will take on Adriana and Tegam.  For now, the other two are our last priority.  Once they resurface, we hit them hard and fast.  I’ll take on Hydrana since she went to so much trouble driving me crazy.  If only one of us was some kind of telepath this would be a simple problem to fix,” Fate says.  He shakes off all of his restraints and walks over to a circular, blue disc.  Metal clamps attach to his feet once he stands on the platform.

“Telepathy?  Of course!  I am such an idiot for not noticing that one piece of information.  That’s why Delila took that specific space skimmer, even though there are a couple of faster ones in the dock!” exclaims Miracle.

“Yeah.  Sure.  I’m speaking for both of us, Kelly.  What the hell are you ranting and raving about?” whispers the Earth guardian while Fate gives her an evil, impatient look.  He growls a little and clenches his fists in order to stay in control.

“The telepathic scanner I was working on.  She took it because she feared we would try to use it to return her to normal.  I know it’s a stretch.  But there could be some truth to my idea.  If you destroy the scanner near her, the enhanced brain inside might release enough telepathic energy to heal both Hydrana and Fate.  Well, it works in the comic books all the time.  And it is much better than killing one of our own.”

Fate is silent for awhile before saying, “Are there any problems or side-effects?  Tell me now if you want me to try it.”

“I can answer that one.  If this crazy idea does work, numerous things can happen to the two of you.  At the very least, you’ll get the master of all headaches.  The worst thing that can happen is that both of your brains will be turned off for eternity.  You two could even switch minds for awhile or lose all of your memories.  Honestly, the effects are really impossible to predict,” Infinity reports.

“Thanks for nothing.  See you in New York.”  The space skimmer’s rear hatch bursts open and Fate’s platform flies into the thick clouds.  Long after the rear hatch closes, Miracle just stares at the distant ground below them.

“Don’t worry.  He’ll be fine and his powers will end up fixing everything.  Before you know it, Fate and Hydrana will be back to normal,” mentions Infinity while he playfully pats her on the top of her head.

“Do you truly believe that?  You know this can only end in one of two ways, Steve.  We either get them both back to normal or we lose both of them forever.  And right this minute, I’m betting on the second one.  My boyfriend and your girlfriend are as good as dead.  They’re even worse than dead.  Hydrana is already psychotic and Fate is moving there at a very fast pace.  It could easily come down to us killing whoever survives the fight.  And I don’t think I could go on being a guardian with that act on my conscience,” Miracle states as she tries to fight back a waterfall of tears.

“Aren’t you the cheerful optimist today.  Just land this ship, so we can get to that morgue as fast as possible.”

Posted in Immortal Wars | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Negative Poem

Posted on August 4, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

Not entirely true (Talking to a trusted person helps too)

Every cloud
Holds lightning and hail
Silver linings
Are mere illusions
The future is rough
To mimic the past
It is what you know
Because
It is what you live
*
Anxiety rises
Depression swirls
People become sources
Of apprehension
Attempts to bond
Leave you open
To pain
And suffering
That you know too well
*
The cheerful try
To clear your air
For both you
And them
Words of optimism
With no pain behind
Stabbing
And grinding
Into your hidden agony
*
People mean well
They also hurt
The price
Of being social
All must pay
Yet some cannot afford
Falling
Into emotional debt
Only seeing red

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Teaser Tuesday: Patients or Prisoners?

Posted on August 3, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

Cover art by Jason Pedersen

Nyx is always on the list, so here she is.  Of course, I’ve done so many excerpts with her that it’s a challenge to find new ones.  They tend to involve other characters too or be her epic battles, which are hard to chop up.  Today we have a section of The Merchant of Nevra Coil where Nyx and her rival, Queen Trinity, aren’t exactly acting like themselves.  Enjoy!

Continue reading →

Posted in Legends of Windemere, Merchant of Nevra Coil, Teaser Tuesday | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Reigniting Your Passion

Posted on August 3, 2021 by Charles Yallowitz

I apologize for disappearing lately. It’s summer, which means I’m trying to get some rest and enjoy the Greek sun and sea. We also have friends over,…

Reigniting Your Passion
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