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Being a single father, I think about the father/son relationship a lot. Mostly because I’m always hoping I’m doing right by my own son. This gets tougher when I see fiction maintaining the ‘stoic father’ ignoring the son’s issues until they explode or not having the father be in there at all. It can get even worse with adventures because the father tends to die at some point. Come to think of it, fathers are fairly common sacrificial characters if they’re in the picture at all. Anyway, here’s some ideas on writing a father/son relationship in fiction.
- If the father comes from a generation where men don’t show emotion or parenting is the ‘woman’s job’ then establish that. Fatherhood has changed over the years with more fathers taking on child-rearing responsibilities. Many show emotions and talk about feelings with their sons too. This isn’t seen as manly by some, but it is how many relationships are these days. So, don’t be afraid to show that if it’s the type of story you want.
- The son doesn’t always have to be railing and battling against the father. We know that children test their limits, but something about the father/son challenge turns into toxicity in writing. Authors seem to want the father to be the villain or the son to be the young fool. I rarely see these portrayed as a problem that gets solved by talking before somebody gets hurt. Most times, I see it result in the total destruction of the relationship or at least the disappearance of it until the epilogue.
- Fathers aren’t always disappointed in their sons! This is a common trope, which does play out in real life. I’ve always wondered if it happens so often because it’s seen in every genre. Our culture practically demands that fathers criticism and frown at whatever their son is doing unless it’s following in their footsteps. This also tends to make the mother the more understanding and loving parent, which feeds into other clichés.
- As stated, fathers are more than able to talk about feelings. An open and comfortable relationship between parent and child is fine. You won’t get conflict between them, but you can challenge them in other ways. The story doesn’t always have to involve the near destruction of the father/son relationship.
- Hugs. Nothing wrong with a parent hugging their child.
- There should still be some boundaries between the father and son. A child will not be comfortable talking about everything with their parent. You also need to make sure the parent has a level of authority instead of coming off solely as a friend. This can be delicate, but it doesn’t have to be something that causes conflict. Boundaries can be established and respected by the characters. They don’t always have to be pushed and broken.
- There’s a rule in society that parents shouldn’t cry in front of their children, especially fathers. Apparently, doing so can be called manipulation, weakness, pathetic, and a long list of insults. I disagree. Having a father cry when one would normally cry makes them human in the story. Otherwise, you end up blocking the emotional connection between parent and child. As stated, fathers can have this too. It isn’t only for mother/child stories.
Legends of Windemere 