(The picture has nothing to do with this poem. I definitely know what this was aimed at and I remember there being a big uproar. Honestly, I expect the same to happen here as well. I mean, this touches on religion. That never goes well. For a little context, this was written right after getting into it with a very fanatical atheist, so there was a lot of anger embedded in the words. Especially since the person thought I was Christian and then accused me of lying about being Jewish because he was ‘winning the argument’.)
There are 3-4 days left of Do I Need to Use a Dragon? being 99 cents on Amazon Kindle. That being said, there was one statement that went through my head and was even uttered to me while I wrote this book:
Leave it to the experts!
We all know what this means. It’s a statement that tells a person that they should just quit what they are doing. Even worse, it’s telling a person that they aren’t good enough to attempt or accomplish their goal. You’re flat out stating that there are people better suited to what you are writing, so you should walk away. It’s amazing how cruel this statement can be.
Crazy part is that most don’t realize how soul-crushing this is. Imagine this for any career or hobby. It’s already nerve-wracking to take a big step and there’s a hint of doubt always waiting for a meal. Your own internal Audrey II whispering ‘Feed Me!’ in the recesses of your mind. Well, it gets that with being told that you suck, others are better, and you should give up. No criticism to help a person improve or a conversation to find out if you’re coming from a different angle. Just a flat out ‘sit down and shut up’ statement to the face.
This connects to the imposter syndrome situation that many authors find themselves in at times. If a person is already feeling like a fraud, they’re going to take to this statement like a vase handles a baseball bat. They’re already struggling with the possibility that they can’t or shouldn’t be an author. Telling them to leave their dreams and ambitions for people who are deemed ‘experts’ is brutal. Many times, I’ve seen this done online with the intent to harm too. Guess some people get a kick out of making others, usually strangers, to quit their dreams.
People who say this tend to forget that the experts they are talking about weren’t born that way. They didn’t even come out of high school or college that way when it comes to writing. If they did then I would have been given a publishing contract instead of a diploma when I graduated. Nope, an expert is built primarily by their experiences, which are a combination of successes and failures. Take a guess what an author has more of by the time they’re deemed experts. If you thought successes then you don’t know how many agent and publisher submissions authors send when they’re starting out. The point is that those experts once stood exactly where the person being told to quit is standing at this moment.
This is a fairly easy thing to avoid doing to another person too. Just don’t say it because there’s no silver lining to the phrase. Those who utter it are after nothing more than emotional damage and the trolling thrill of getting someone to give up on their dreams. Is that too mean? Probably, but I’m hard-pressed to think of any way this statement is supportive. Devil’s advocate, tough love, brutal honesty, and every other justification doesn’t ignore the fact that you’re telling someone that:
They aren’t good enough to do what they’re doing.
They will never be good enough to do what they’re doing.
There are people out there better than them.
They should quit.
So, what do people think about this statement? Ever hear it in a positive light?
Well, Do I Need to Use a Dragon? is still available as a 99 cent eBook on Amazon Kindle. Is it prideful to expect everyone to run off and buy copy? It could be. Authors need some level of ego, pride, and/or arrogance in order to get anywhere. If you think you suck then that’s going to come through in the quality of your work.
Of course, people can go in the opposite direction too. I considered this many times while writing Do I Need to Use a Dragon?and tried to analyze myself at times. Was my advice coming from too much pride? Did I come off as arrogant? Well, that was a problem a few times and I think I edited my ego out of things. This still got me thinking about authors, pride, and how we can make mistakes if we’re following that emotion a bit too much. Here are some ways to handle that.
Accept criticism and advice with grace. Even if you’re not going to follow what is being said, listening goes a long way. A reader or fellow author are more inclined to continue interacting with you if you hear them out.
Do NOT take offense if a person does NOT take your advice. Your passion and pride might blind you to the fact that you’re talking about something that clearly works only for you. Maybe there’s a difference in genre or the other author has a different vision for what they are going for. As long as they are polite in the refusal, you should be polite in accepting it.
Try not to think that you’re reinventing the wheel or sliced bread. If you think you’re writing something that is 100% original, you are probably setting yourself up for a nasty wake up call. Why is that? Somebody out there will always see a similarity between your work and a previously released work. It could be a character, a theme, a set piece, the type of humor, writing style, or anything. Good chance that it comes from something you never saw, which is why you might be thinking that you are fully unique. Always stop your pride from getting to the point that you believe your own hype.
If you are being helped by other authors to promote your books and are finding success, do NOT act like you did it on your own. This is pretty self-explanatory and feels like a ‘duh’ statement. Yet, we always see somebody talking as if they made it without help or refuse to thank their supporters. Even worse when they promise to help the other authors and then don’t return the favor.
Don’t let negative reviews drive you to make a public spectacle. Even if they are unfair and/or insulting, letting your pride have you go on the attack won’t improve the situation. Read it, see if you can glean anything useful from it, and move on. Some people do this solely to trigger an author’s pride and trigger a scene.
Never be afraid to laugh at yourself when you make a mistake. I’m not talking about full self-deprecating humor where you make fun of yourself. Just be laidback and accept your mistakes with humor. This will decrease the chances of lashing out and coming off as overly sensitive. Too much pride can make doing this difficult, but this tactic can help keep that down.
No matter how much your pride tells you to do so, do NOT create a religion revolving around your books and identity. Let your beloved followers decide to do that on their own.
As stated earlier, Do I Need to Use a Dragon?is available for 99 cents on Amazon Kindle. Sale ends next week!
This being my son’s birthday weekend, we’ve been busy celebrating. I thought I’d post a few funny teenager things. I’ll probably be escorting him to another Pokemon catching outing today. At least I’m getting my steps in.
I know the last one isn’t funny. It showed up in the Google search and I kept going back to it because it’s very true. There is this belief that teenage boys don’t need to talk to people about their feelings. Any acting out is seen as ‘boys being boys’ or them being ‘naturally bad eggs’. It’s sad that a teenage boy’s emotional state isn’t taken as seriously as a girl’s. I think teenagers in general need to be taken seriously in this arena, but boys get ignored and shrugged off a lot more than girls. Boys are the ones told that they shouldn’t be crying when in pain. Boys are teased, even by girls, for showing emotions. So, try to be there for any teenage boys in your life. Not to order them around, but to let them know that it’s okay to be vulnerable, feel emotions, and share them with those they trust.
Now, I haven’t liked the summer heat for a long time. Never enjoyed the sweating, discomfort, and occasional smells. Still, I used to be able to function in the heat without being made to feel like the grim reaper is trying to claim me. Last summer was bad because I had Covid and spent the entire season trying to recover. So many days where I had to go outside and that resulted in me being out of commission for a while. Don’t worry though because long covid is apparently not a thing according to a bunch of people, so the lingering fatigue and other issues is in our heads. Along with mucus, sinus pressure, and possible inflammation of the brain . . . YAY!
So, it has been very hot this week. At least for this area, so I don’t want to hear any mockery from people in the South. I’ve seen what you people do when the temperature gets into the 60’s and if there’s a single snowflake reported. Tokyo is calmer during a Godzilla visit. Where was I? Guess I’ll make another paragraph.
I was doing good for most of the week, but then Thursday struck. I was already getting my usual fatigue and brain fog. Seems to be getting more common and worse since I started the blood pressure meds. I tried to take it easy, but Thursday was rough. We took a field trip to some local botanical gardens, which was fun. It was always hot and humid, so we all ran out of steam fairly quickly. Our guides tried to keep to the shade, but we still had to cross stretches of sunlight. That was brutal. Of course, I followed this up by spend an hour and fifteen minutes walking around a local park with son who was trying to catch Pokémon. Big summer event started and I promised that we’d go after I got him from camp. I stand by my word. At least, I’m trying to stand as I keep having bouts of fatigue and anxiety throughout today.
The rest of the week was mostly preparing for my son’s birthday. He turned 14 yesterday and we’re doing a small party today. Then, it’s back out to catch Pokémon. Tomorrow is just all day Pokémon hunting with a break for lunch and a movie. Promised him these outings as long as it isn’t raining, so that’s what we’re going to do. The things we do for our kids to make them happy.
Work on Darwin & the Beast Collector is moving along. I got two chapters done instead of three because I can only do 2 sections a day instead of 3 like I used to. My endurance and focus are still weak, especially with the heat being a factor. This is another reason I really want to get my physical situation figured out. It’s starting to make it harder to write, which is something I don’t want to lose. Doesn’t help that I’m still having constant doubts about how the story is going. The next chapter is aftermath of the action of the previous chapter and then its to set up the next leg of the adventure. Inching towards the utter chaos and mayhem. Why is this throwing me off? Darwin’s first adventures was like this with a lot of wandering, accidental incidents, and then all hell broke loose for the third act. Should be used to this process.
I won’t make any predictions on how this week will go. Have a few Pokemon outings since the special event ends Wednesday night. So, a lot of walking, but it looks like it will be significantly cooler starting on Sunday. I have a big doctor appointment on Thursday, which is after a day at the zoo with our students. Pretty sure things won’t go smoothly and I’ll have to debate medication. Leaning towards going off what I’m on now to see if it’s amplifying my fatigue. I really don’t want to do anything more until we see how much of a factor my sleep apnea is. Figuring out health problems really is like throwing darts at a board with your eyes closed.
Well, I’m off to start the birthday celebrations for my son. Technically, I wrote this last night, so I’m hoping I recovered enough to not be a zombie. We aren’t doing a lot until the afternoon, but I don’t want to look terrible when we have guests. Just let me get through today as a human being, universe. Then, let the rest of the week happen.
Here we are at the final category of advice that I’ve devised to make this theme last no longer than a week. Yeah, I’m sure I could have kept this going through the summer, but that’s way too boring. Do I Need to Use a Dragon?needs good promos, especially since it’s still 99 cents on Amazon Kindle. There we go. Let’s proceed.
‘Eh, Take It or Leave It.”
You can feel that apathy coming off those words. At least, that’s how I see it. You can hear this used as an ultimatum, but that doesn’t make sense to me when it comes to advice. I mean, you aren’t physically leaving the advice behind. You’re just not listening to it if you decide it isn’t for you. This isn’t a used toaster in a discount bin that we’re talking about here. You’re not paying for the advice . . . Unless you’re spending 99 cents to get a copy of Do I Need to Use a Dragon? I couldn’t resist that plug.
A person who gives advice like this might feel obligated to share their knowledge, but not emotionally invested in the exchange. They feel the trick might work, but know that it isn’t for everyone. It’s similar to ‘It worked for me’ in that there as an acceptance that the other author might not succeed. The two categories give the receiver the choice of following or not with very little or absolutely no pushing. So, it can be easy to think that they are one and the same.
The difference in my mind is how the giver’s stance on the outcome. ‘It worked for me’ has hope that it will hope, but it is giving caution that it won’t. This time, there isn’t much concern on if it works or not. As I said, there’s an odd sense of obligation in giving the advice. Almost like doing so is a chore and they are getting it out of the way. You see this in open discussions that go on for a long time, so there could be a push to simply end the conversation. Personally, I’m always caught off-guard when a person gives me advice in this method because it makes me feel like I made them mad.
How can an author get to this point? From those I’ve run into, it’s because they’ve had bad experiences giving advice. Either what they suggested failed and they were blamed or they’ve tried multiple things that didn’t work. A long run of failures and disasters will turn a person off to giving or receiving advice. Yet, there’s a spark of wanting to help still burning and that’s why one might still offer an opinion. That or they are put in a social situation where saying nothing can be mistaken for rudeness. Humans do a lot of awkward things to avoid being seen as a social misfit.
I find this the hardest category to wrap my head around because it stems from a total lack or restraint of passion. Authors tend to be excited about their trade, so they are happy to talk shop. This inevitably turns into swapping tips or explaining methods, which is giving advice. Doing so without being even remotely excited is difficult to understand, but that might just be me. This is why I lean towards the person being passionate about their writing, but not about giving advice. Makes sense since not everyone who loves doing something is interested in teaching about it.
To my knowledge, I didn’t do any ‘take it or leave it’ advice in Do I Need to Use a Dragon?I did my best to keep it in the second category. I want people to accept my advice, but also to know that it isn’t a guarantee. I understand if people want to skip or alter the tips that I suggest. We shouldn’t be forced to accept all advice given to us. I did that once and it took me 2 years to repair the book that was the victim of my naivete. So, I definitely talk from experience here.
