The Four Horsemen of Writing: Negativity

Posted on December 27, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Google Image Search

Not even sure I have to go into details with this one.  It’s a destroyer of egos and causes people to quit.  Not only with writing, but with most adventures.  This can birth doubt and keep it fed for as long as it’s around.  One never knows when it will turn up.  Even a barrage of uplifting platitudes can fail if this horseman strikes correctly.  So, what is the last of the quartet?

Negativity

This can come from any source.  An author may create it in their own minds and hearts because they don’t feel right about their path.  They might have a frustrating story section that causes negativity and leads to doubt.  Internal negativity is easier to shrug off, but it’s also the more likely one to remain if it goes unchecked for too long.  Think of it as a chronic mental illness since getting it once doesn’t mean you’re immune.  Negativity always leaves a little behind.

More commonly, we get this from outside influences.  Negativity comes from every bad review, piece of criticism, and day without a sale.  It’s lurking within the words of devil’s advocates who think they’re helping.  Naysayers don’t even hide this horseman since it’s their main weapon to get you to quit.  People may say that you just ignore it or cast those people away, but it’s not always possible.  Some sources can’t be removed from your life because there are other connections.  It’s really easy for someone outside of your life to tell you to get rid of people because they don’t have the emotional connection and won’t be the ones to suffer any backlash.  As for the ignoring, that doesn’t work forever because even stone can get worn down by a constant trickle of water.

Something I want to add is a little bit of psychology that I read about a while back.  If a person is constantly bombarded by negativity instead of positivity, their brains will change to treat that as the norm.  This can lead to semi-permanent pessimism, anxiety when happy, and distrust of anyone offering to help.  All attempts to be optimistic and positive are herculean because we’re fighting against our internal wiring.  It’s not impossible, but it’s a path that can be ruined by even the smallest failure or criticism.  This is where devil’s advocates end up being a problem too.  They mean well and think they’re cheering you on, but they’re really reminding you that bad things can, and probably will, happen.

Question time!

  1. How do you handle negativity?
  2. Have you ever acted against your instincts due to negativity?
  3. Have you ever been the negative person?
Posted in Questions 3 | Tagged , , , , , , | 29 Comments

Looking Back at 2022

Posted on December 26, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Google Image Search

To be fair, I’m writing this on October 23rd because I want to write it up and not put it off until the last minute.  Figure anything big can be added later, but at least I have some kind of reflection.

To be honest, this year started off really rough and stayed there for a while.  Last school year was crazy both as a TA and a parent.  It was the first one that was primarily normal after covid, so a lot was going on.  Pushed my body way too much and triggered a few chronic issues.  For anyone who remembers, I talked a lot about my IBS flaring up, which triggered other issues.  So, it was a good year in regards to health, but I managed to get things under some control.

Parenting-wise, I spent the majority of my time helping my son with schoolwork.  It helped him get an overall average of 95 by the end of 7th grade and start off strong in 8th grade.  Yet, I did want to spend more fun time with him.  We got that over the summer and I threw him a big 13th birthday party.  His Halloween costume was a success, so a lot of good memories were made.  Only thing I wish we could have done is a trip, but it was either that or the birthday party.  Figure we can do a father/son trip next summer once we figure out the overall plan.  He’s now too old for most camps and I was hoping to work the summer session at school.  Any camp he can go to is fairly expensive.

A big event from work was that I got tenure.  That’s a big milestone that many teachers look forward to.  Makes me feel more relaxed and calm when it comes to stability.  Funny thing is that my anxiety and shoddy self-esteem still makes me rather numb to the weight of it all.  I’m proud, but I don’t like dwelling or even reveling in things like this.  I just start looking at the next goal or the work in front of me.  Guess spending most of my life getting very little recognition means I don’t know how to handle it.  Oh well, I’ll have to work on that issue.

Writing was touch and go with nothing new getting published.  I started the year thinking I could start in on writing the second Darwin book.  Instead, my son’s schoolwork and my health issues made it nearly impossible.  It wasn’t until June that I got to start in on that project.  My summer goal was to write books 2 and 3, which got jostled by me catching covid at the start.  It wasn’t a bad case, but the brain fog afterwards forced me to write less than I had hoped.  Ended up finishing the 3rd book in early October.  That’s why I decided to start preparing the outlines for books 4 and 5 starting in November.  This way, I can dive into the books after new years.

Nothing else really happened beyond surviving.  Still got the same friends and I don’t really go out.  Trying to eat better when it comes to lunch, but exercise is routinely an issue.  I get into it and then something happens.  For example, I was doing great and then covid hit.  Made it hard to keep a constant schedule, so it was whenever I could and then never.  Almost got back into it and then I developed a sciatica.  Maybe I should take the hint and stay away from the exercise bike?

Blogging went rather smoothly with me never missing a day.  Even started the animal posts, which people seem to like.  Gives some variety here, which is good because I’m running out of teasers and writing topics.  I need to figure out what to do about Tuesdays since I can only post so many teasers before I’m giving away most of a book.  Spoilers are an issue too.  Maybe I’ll repost the old ones that were popular until I figure something else out.

Anyway, that was my 2022 in a nutshell.  Some excitement, but mostly nothing to write home about.  Maybe things will change after I write this post and I’ll add something on at the bottom.  Maybe midterms will trigger a big event and society will collapse.  Maybe someone will want to turn ‘Legends of Windemere’ into an anime or graphic novel.  Who really knows what will happen in the next 2 months?  Guess we’ll see.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Merry Christmas Memes!

Posted on December 25, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Here are some funnies for those who celebrate Christmas.  Enjoy this time with your families . . . Seriously, just stay home until about 1 PM.  Let the rest of us get some shopping and movie viewing done before you emerge.  You have your traditions and we have ours.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Goal Post: Holiday Break is Here (Merry Christmas!)

Posted on December 24, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Well, I made it to holiday break in relatively one piece.  Not that the week didn’t try to take a few chunks out of me.  You can tell since this post is being written today instead of the night before.  So, what happened?

Since it was the last week of school before the break, there was a lot of stuff going on.  My son had plenty of tests and was still doing a little catch up from having flu.  That meant our afternoons were filled with work, so we didn’t get to spend a lot of fun time together before he went to Florida.  On the work side of things, it got rather crazy some days.  People are trying to get tests, assignments, and lessons done before break.  So, there was a sense of time running out along with a countdown to the break, which is hard to fully explain.  It combined with the parenting side of life to leave me drained and going to bed around 9:30 most nights.  Only reason I was awake later was if someone kept messaging me.

It’s currently -10 outside with wind chill.  So, I’m staying inside, but my room still doesn’t have much insulation.  It’s really cold and that makes it hard to focus.  Doesn’t help that I’m having some anxiety issues, which include full body issues.  It’s even taking me a long time to write this because I keep stopping to practically tear at my skin.  Is there anything more useless than scratching?  It’s a reflex, but one that doesn’t do anything to alleviate the issue for more than a few seconds.  I’m going to have to muscle through this if I want to get anything done.

Of course, I didn’t get any writing done until last night.  Started writing Darwin & the Demon Game, which took a while to get into.  My overall goal for the break is to get the first 5 chapters written.  That’s optimistic since I would need 5 days with nothing else going on to do this.  Today is looking iffy due to the itchiness and it already being after 10 AM.  I might get 2 sections instead of 3.  I have a Tuesday appointment that might not cause any issues, but probably will.  Wednesday is probably going to be a wash since that’s when the insulation guys show up.  No writing in my room when they’re doing that and I don’t know if I’ll be able relocate to somewhere else in the house.  If I can get into the 5th chapter then I’ll be happy.

I’m a little bummed in general too.  Went to check out the Legends of Windemere books to see if any reviews turned up.  The later books don’t have many because a lot of people quit the series or did an overall review on the first book.  So, it’s pretty easy to sink those ratings.  Saw that the final book got a 1-star rating with no review attached.  This counts as 21% of the ratings since there’s so few.  Dropped it below 4.0, which is why I really hate how averages works since it would take several 5 stars to undo that damage.  I know these books don’t sell, but it’s still frustrating to see one take a hit like that, especially with no review attached.  Glancing at the other books, looks like most ‘ratings only’ are low stars.  Guess that’s how the business works now.

Right now, the plan is write and stay warm during these cold days.  My son is back Thursday morning, but we haven’t made any solid plans.  Depends on the weather and how much energy we have.  This break and the one in February aren’t that great for events because it gets so cold.  All popular events are inside and tickets go fast.  Doesn’t help that flu, covid, and a respiratory virus are running around, so you don’t want to get sick before school starts again.  Playing catch up with schoolwork isn’t easy once a kid gets to 8th grade, so I think it’s best to be careful.  We have plenty of Lego sets and movies if we get stuck indoors.  Video games too if I can get a replacement Joycon since the right-hand one has a drift issue.  Might have to wander out for that when it isn’t as cold as it is today.

If there was anything else to talk about then I forgot.  Met all the basic goals of this week beyond ‘staying healthy’.  I mean I did, but the itchiness means I didn’t accomplish the mental health victory.  Maybe a warm shower will help out and I can dive into writing once I’m done.  The section I’m going to write is a simple conversation in the prologue to set up the first chapter.  If I can write that in an 1-1.5 hours then it means I have a shot at getting 3 sections done today.  Fingers crossed.

Goals of the week:

  1. Write 5 chapters of Darwin & the Demon Game
  2. March posts schedule if no time to write book.
  3. Time with son when he gets home.
  4. Fix or replace Joycon.
  5. Puzzle time.
  6. Watch more ‘My Hero Academia’.
  7. Bike when possible.
  8. Sleep more
  9. Hydrate with more than hot cocoa.
Posted in Goal Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

The Magical Ornament Store: No Cats Allowed

Posted on December 23, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Google Image Search

Welcome to our little ornament store.  Each of our products has a little enchantment to enhance your holiday season.  At least, that’s what we hope.  Here is a list of our most popular ornaments.  Don’t mind the names.  We’re Jewish, so we just call them like we see them.

  • Red Ball–  Gives off a nice aura of warmth.  Does not require electricity, but can be hot to the touch.
  • Green Ball–  Emits a soothing pine scent.  We assume it’s soothing since you keep that kind of tree in your house.
  • White and Red Striped Ball– Emits a peppermint scent.  We don’t recommend mixing it with the green ball.
  • Silver Ball– Polishes silverware that it is put in contact with.
  • Silver Bell– Can summon a sugar plum fairy . . . We don’t really know what that is, but people seem to like them.
  • Snowflake–  Can create a thin layer of snow on the tree and surrounding area.  Perfect for having indoor snowball fights.
  • Rocking Horse–  Can be taken off and turned into a full-sized rocking horse once per day.  Effect lasts for an hour.  Needs 24 hours to recharge.
  • Small Christmas Tree–  Keeps real tree hydrated and fresh.  Small chance of it growing in height.
  • Angel Topper–  Spins and emits a soothing light.  Will occasionally pass heavenly judgment and punishment on guests.
  • Snowman– Comes to life at night to clean up the house.  Will become inanimate if seen and undo its work before returning to the tree.
  • Santa Claus– Transforms into a present on Christmas Day.  No way to predict what it is or who it is for.
  • Harp–  Plays Christmas music when hung from tree.  Cannot be turned off without being removed.
  • Reindeer– Grants the ability to fly.  This ability goes to the tree, which doesn’t have the mind to do so.  At least, you would hope not.
  • Stocking– Can be turned upside down on Christmas morning to release a collection of tiny treats.  Not recommended for anyone with food allergies because nuts are a possibility.
  • Sleigh/Sled– Can be enlarged and used, but must stay attached to the tree.
  • Polar Bear– Protects the house from the inevitable polar bear uprising.  Can also be used to conjure fish and seal meat.
  • Penguin–  No powers, but it’s an adorable penguin.  Why wouldn’t you want one?
  • Christmas Freddy Krueger– Give to your enemies and plague them with horrific nightmares.  (For some reason, this is our second most popular ornament.  The first is the penguin.)
Posted in Olde Shoppe Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 17 Comments

Poetry Day: Darwin Slepsnor

Posted on December 22, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Google Image Search

(Totally forgot that I did a poem on Darwin Slepsnor.  He’s definitely evolved a bit since I did this poem.  For one thing, I made him a little chubby and gave him a plan.  This poem is accidentally insulting at a few points too, so you can tell it was done long ago.)

*****

Foolish halfling
Cursed by curiosity
Beyond that of any cat
Matched by a mouth
Enslaved to every impulse
That crosses his simple mind

Standing to the waist of man
And leaner than an elf
He continues on the path
Driven by no quest
Without a plan in mind
Or a compass in his hand

He runs a dirty hand
Through his hair of brown
Tangled like a nest
As he stares
With eyes of emerald innocence
At the world around

None would fear him
With his foolish grin
And friendly introduction
Free of any guile
He stands as easy prey
Another victim from the gods

The truth is hard to see
Darwin is a childish scamp
Wielding mighty magic
Beyond his understanding
For he is the Sleep Caster
Master of all dreams and slumbers

His ignorance is a blessing
Unaware of forces
That rise to eat his soul
Darwin dances on
Enamored with adventure
And the friends he makes ahead

Years will pass
Before his legend grows
Though he will never know
The greatness he has earned
As he wanders
To all of Windemere’s lands

Posted in Poems | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

7 Tips to Genuine Apologies

Posted on December 21, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Google Image Search

I said that I’d do a list to consider when making an apology.  So, here we go:

  1. Actually say the word ‘sorry’.  Dancing around the concept means you don’t really regret your actions.
  2. Do NOT rationalize your actions.  You can try to say that you thought you were doing the right thing, but you have to admit that you were wrong to do what you did.  If 90% of your apology is explaining why you did nothing wrong then you aren’t sorry.
  3. The word ‘BUT’ means you’re about to undo the apology.  Nothing useful comes after a ‘BUT’ when apologizing.
  4. Do NOT make the person you’re apologizing to feel like they’re wrong to be upset.  In other words: DON’T BE A JERK!
  5. Learn from your mistakes, so that your apologies actually mean something.  If you’re always apologizing for the same mistake, it means you’re not sorry about what you did.  You’re only sorry that you got caught and are using an apology as some get out of trouble tactic.
  6. An apology doesn’t mean you are forgiven right away.  So, DO NOT apologize and then expect the other person to shrug everything off.  This is especially true if you really hurt the other person.  Also, if you end up saying ‘I am sorry and now you have to forgive me’ then you’re not really sorry.
  7. If you are the one apologizing then you are NOT the one who gets to decide on if feelings were hurt.  You are being told that you crossed a line.  It isn’t a debate, so apologize and then talk about what happened.

Short list this time because, in my opinion, apologizing shouldn’t be that complicated.  It shouldn’t be a game of emotional manipulation.  Just say you’re sorry and think about what you did.  Maybe you don’t see what you did as wrong, but the other person definitely does.  So, accept responsibility and think about ways to be better.

Now, I’m sure some people will point out that there are those who claim to be hurt and demand apologies for the slightest incident.  I agree that this is the opposite side of the apology abuse coin.  Some people do flip out over everything and demand an apology, which they might not believe.  What can you do about this?  Personally, I think you should do a simple apology and then walk away.  Otherwise, you’ll be manipulated into apologizing for every action . . . People really do suck, don’t they?  Some can’t even get apologizing right.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Taking a second thought

Posted on December 21, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Hi, Gang! Craig with you once more. I’m hacking this out with a glass of whiskey on my end table, so it might be a little more uninhibited than some …

Taking a second thought
Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

The Four Horsemen of Writing: Perfectionism

Posted on December 20, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Google Image Search

This one is definitely the sneakiest of the horsemen.  It can undo an author without ever being noticed.  That’s because we can see it as a positive trait when it can really be the main obstacle in our path.  A demon disguised as an angel, which can destroy an author before they even get to their first draft.

Perfectionism

I’ve met many authors who pride themselves on going for perfection.  Can’t think of any of them who made it very far.  There are probably some, but most crash and burn.  The reason is because perfectionism is impossible.  An author will always find a flaw in their work because of doubt and us being our own worst critics.  Even after publishing, an author will see how they could have done something better.  Those who try to avoid this fate will succumb to fear, which masks itself as perfectionism.  As I said, they pride themselves on this to the point where they refuse to accept that it might be what is holding them back.

Perfectionism can take many forms too:

  • It can be an author who is determined to be 100% original.  Every time they are told or see something that is even remotely like their story, they scrap it all and start anew.  It creates a cycle that can only end when they realize everything can be connected to something that already exists.
  • They might hate where the story is going because the characters don’t fit the established plot points, so they keep working on it until it’s a mess.  That mess is a blot on their perfectionism, but they refuse to change their path.  So, they keep digging themselves deeper into the hole until they give up.
  • Others get hung up on developing the perfect style, so they constantly read ‘how to’ books.  They watch videos, read articles, and go to seminars to develop a style, but it never feels right.  They adopt whatever they are told will work in the hopes of unlocking the key to success.  These authors may never get to even an outline much less a story because nothing seems to be 100% to them.
  • Another type of perfectionist is one who doesn’t make it out of the planning stage.  It is similar to the first one in that they are trying to design the perfect world with the perfect characters.  They may have stories outlined, but they won’t move on until they have their entire world flushed out.  It is possible, but the chances are higher that it will always fall short.  Why?  Because fictional worlds and characters do need some type of organic growth, which comes from the first draft and proceeding edits.  Otherwise, they’re really only theories and potentials.

I’ll admit that I never suffered from this horseman, but it’s here because I’ve seen so many fall to its power.  Let’s hear it for my anxiety and battered self-esteem!  Don’t clap too loud on that one.

So . . . Question time!

  1. Have you ever found yourself held back by perfectionism?
  2. Do you think it’s a lofty goal or a dangerous path?
  3. What would you do or think to avoid this horseman?
Posted in Questions 3 | Tagged , , , , , , | 16 Comments

The Art of Genuine Apologies

Posted on December 19, 2022 by Charles Yallowitz

Google Image Search

This doesn’t have a lot to deal with writing.  It could if you want to know how to have a character genuinely apologize.  Mostly, I’ve run into too many people who do these ‘non-apologies’ and then expect forgiveness.  So, I really just want to get this off my chest and then do a ‘7 List’ on Wednesday.

One of the things we try to teach our children when they are young is the phrase ‘I am sorry’.  We want them to accept responsibility for their actions and show that they are sorry for what they did.  We correct them when they use the phrase as a kneejerk reaction or add to it in a way that undoes the effect.  Most parents really try to drill in the concept of being apologetic and accepting responsibility.  Of course, this ends up falling apart as the child gets older and notices that the parent doesn’t practice what they preach.

To be fair, most people will stumble on an apology and undermine their own words.  They do so by:

  • Adding ‘but’ after the apology.  This word means that they still think they’re right.
  • ‘But’ goes right into a rationalization.  It makes it feel like the person is sorry for what they did, but they are sorry that they are in trouble.
  • Shifting the blame is another common addition to an apology.  ‘I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t have done the thing that made me do my thing.’  Very popular among abusive partners and parents.
  • Simply repeating the action that caused the apology again.  I think children pick up on how these apologies are fake quicker than adults.  Children are watching adults for modeling and pick up on patterns with a more analytical mindset than adults who may overthink things.

There are more ways to undermine an apology.  All of them do the same thing though.  I don’t mean just making the apology worthless.  By giving an empty apology, you come off as manipulative.  The person, if they are paying attention, will pick up on the fact that you aren’t really sorry.  This leads to the belief, probably true, that their feelings aren’t being taken into account.  After all, you are reacting to hurt feelings when you are apologizing even if it’s over a physical action.  By rationalizing what you did, you are saying the feelings of your victim doesn’t mean anything.  You’re now more concerned with getting out of trouble and haven’t learned your lesson.

Crying is another thing to factor in when it comes to apologies.  It seems easier to write a character crying while apologizing than for it to happen in real life.  Once tears turn up, you know it has gone to a high level of emotional conflict.  This can go one of two ways:

  1. The crying apologist has now realized the pain they caused and are wracked by guilt for their actions.  If only this was the way it always went.  This is when you know an apology means something and the person will learn from their consequences.  Well, you hope it means that.   We are a cynical species, so there’s a moment of thinking we’re being played.  If the person doesn’t usually do this and stay a wreck for longer than the apology, you can believe it easier.  The fact that #2 exists makes this harder to believe.
  2. We all know what this one is going to be.  The crocodile tears!  A person turns on the waterworks while apologizing, but it’s a defense mechanism.  It isn’t that they feel sorrow or regret.  They’re trying to manipulate the person they hurt by stirring those feelings in them.  It’s a show designed to end the conversation before self-reflection can kick in.  From personal experience, you know this is what is going on when the crying starts almost instantly.  Then, it stops as soon as the confrontation is over and there are no signs of being upset left.  Some people will do this during every apology that is forced out of them too.

Who would thinking apologizing was so complicated and difficult?  When we’re children, it’s made to seem so easy and common.  You get in trouble, you apologize, you think about what you did, and you don’t do it again.  Yet, so many adults don’t follow this system that we expect of our children.  Instead, it’s get in trouble, apologize, rationalize, shift blame, cry if need be, and possibly repeat the action.  Makes me wonder if genuine apologies are a lost art.

Posted in Thoughts | Tagged , , , , | 13 Comments