Yeah. Let’s not look at the goals I set for this past week. Homework with son, puzzles, and tax stuff were the only accomplishments. It took me all week to write one chapter section because of what I’m going to get into in a bit. Biking happened once and I paid for it in spades later. Everything just kind of fell apart . . . Those who pay attention to me on Facebook probably know why.
Even now, I’m exhausted and struggling to stay awake. It’s only 8:30 PM on Friday night too. Didn’t take Zzzquil or these Ashwagandha gummies either. This is all physical and mental exhaustion from a long week. I’m hoping to still be asleep when this post goes live, especially since it’s single digits around here. No desire to get out of bed when it’s so cold out. Now, what went wrong?
Last weekend wasn’t as relaxing as I’d hoped. An encounter on Saturday stressed me out and then I got news about a schedule change on Sunday. My nerves were already at their peak, but this may have caused another odd snap. It’s clear that I’ve got insomnia because I can’t stay asleep for longer than 4-4.5 hours. Even with Zzzquil, I’m waking around 2 or 3 AM and not falling asleep again. The problem is that my mind starts racing and I have a weird anxiety issue. It’s not even panic attacks right now. All I can say is that I can’t tone my mind down enough to go back to bed. Five nights in a row and I’m hitting Friday night like a zombie.
I couldn’t get an appointment with my doctor, but I think I know what’s going on. The anxiety is only happening at night when I wake up. This makes me think it’s a cortisol level issue. Cortisol is a hormone that comes from the adrenal gland and it increases with stress. It also rises as you sleep and is supposed to be what gently wakes you up. If you go to bed with high levels then you can get panicked awake, which seems to be what is happening to me. Within an hour or two of being awake, I’m no longer anxious, but I’m physically drained. I’m hoping the Zzzquil and Ashawa . . . Winter Cherry gummies help me here. Probably see the results in the comments.
Thanks to the sleeping issues, I didn’t do much beyond work and parenting. I did show my son ‘Blazing Saddles’ and ‘The Fifth Element’ last weekend. That was before the chaos started. Once the week began, I focused on getting through the important things like work and helping my son. Television was watched as I fell asleep. I tried to relax by finishing a puzzle, which you’ll see in the collection tomorrow. Don’t think my body and mind needed much of an urge to get into bed. There was one night where I mustered the energy to finish a chapter section I attempted last weekend. It was driving me nuts for a while, so I felt like I had to. Unfortunately, all of that is what I have to report as far as my week.
This week is looking to be just as busy too. My goal is to finish chapters 6 and 7 of Darwin & the Demon Game this weekend. We’ll see if I can because a lot will depend on my sleeping ability and what I’m taking. It’s only 5 sections though, so it should be doable. For some reason, writing seems to drain me more than anything else, so I’m going slow. It might be that I can only write one book per school year. Not a great concept, but it isn’t like I’m looking to publish any year . . . decade . . . This issue really does sting lately.
The wind is howling right now, so I don’t see much of a reason to go outside. That means more writing time though. Another thing that keeps killing me is the weather. I don’t know why bad weather is now making me feel like I’m about to die. It was never like this before. Breathing becomes labored and my sinuses ache every time it rains or gets really cold. I can’t figure it out. Keep wondering if my bout of covid in the summer did more damage than I realized. The symptoms do mimic the long covid I was limping through for a few months. It’s possible that I still have it, but it doesn’t show up unless I push myself too far for too long. No way to really figure that out from what I can tell.
Well, that’s really it. Anxiety and sleeping issues were the major events of the week. I hope next week is better. Only time will tell. So, what are the goals?
- Get a few good night’s sleep.
- Help my son study for two tests.
- Write more Darwin & the Demon Game.
- Finish the April posts.
- Order those books from the library.
- Start the Bowser Lego Set.
- Watch more ‘Fruits Basket’.
- Find a way to be more interesting next weekend.













