Woman are naturally better
Men can’t do it alone
You don’t know what you’re doing
Movies make us the butt of jokes
Bungling at home
Lacking of common sense
And lucky to avoid destruction
Desperately seeking a mate
To take over
Because fathers aren’t mothers
*
Reality and fiction
Have been cruel and harsh
Yet we continue on
To raise and love our kids
Neither less nor more than mothers
Ignoring those who say we are wrong
That fathers can’t be nurturers
Spoken by those
Who can never fill our shoes
Or understand our path
*
The lone parent
Mother or father
Lives a life of smiles and stress
Yet one is prized
And the other is treated
Like a unicorn
Or a freak of nature
I ignore the stares and comments
Because I have a job to do
And it is not for the weak
________________________________________________________
This might be a little darker and whinier than I intended. As I’ve established previously, I’ve gotten a lot of grief for being a stay-at-home and a single dad. People really don’t think fathers can raise a child. This frustrates me because I’m trying my best and working hard given the situation. Anyway, this week has really been one where I just needed to let off some steam. Thanks for indulging me. We’ll be back to more humorous topics next week.
As usual, here is your warning that this story has cursing, sex (not graphic), innuendo, and violence. It’s my Rated-R action adventure called Derailing Bedlam. This is the fourth outing (third official) for Cassidy and Lloyd, so feel free to click on one of the two covers to see how it started. Each one is 99 cents!
This list might quickly turn from fiction to reality. In fact, I might switch between them to cover more ground. Honestly, this subject feels a little awkward, but I’ve already entered the rabbit hole. No turning back now.
Fiction: Don’t make it so that the father is an utter idiot when it comes to doing things around the house. It’s amazing how often you see a father who can fix a vacuum cleaner, but using it is beyond their abilities. Things can be done differently since men and women don’t always approach problems the same way. Still, it isn’t like fathers are devoid of common sense once they’re in the house.
Reality: No matter how long or rough your day was, take some time to be with your child. Sit and have a snack with them or read a page of their book before bed. It can even be lying down on the floor, couch, or bed to be nothing more than their jungle gym. The smallest daily conversation or action to show that you love them goes further than having one big event a week.
Fiction: A single father doesn’t always have to go looking for a new wife. The kids don’t always have to be pushing him to find one too. I’ve begun to see that second scenario as a sign that the father isn’t doing a good job. His kids are obviously aware that they are lacking something and feel that only a mother can get it right. This tends to go alongside #1. Just like stories where single mothers show they can balance work and home without a man, you can do it with fathers too. (I will admit that the ‘need a new partner’ story for single parent characters of any gender is tiring. Might be a little sensitive or bitter there though.)
Reality: There is the challenge with work in that some employers are less likely to give a father time off for the kids. I hate to say it, but there is still a big percentage of people who think a child doesn’t really need his/her father in the picture that often. Even with single parents, this mentality can crop up. Thankfully, I haven’t faced it, which I want to make clear. Well, not recently, but I did have one job where mothers got time off with ease and I was told a few times that my ex-wife or parents could handle it. My point here is that you need to sometimes fight for time with your child. Yes, you need the job to pay the bills, but your kid is going to be a teenager and then an adult before you know it.
Fiction: While it has turned up more often in recent years, never be afraid to have your single fathers show their emotions. We still have to deal with the cold, distance, heart of stone paternal figures in fiction, but those are problematic when they are the only ones for the kids. Many stories that involve children and parents involve some level of emotional growth. It could be drawing the father out of that shell, but that really does assume that they are walled off to begin with. That causes trouble in the younger years and we all know how the story goes. Going all the way to overly sensitive isn’t any better, but you need to utilize this one character for all sides of a parental figure for the child. You can’t divide the roles between two or more. The father is all the kid and the author have for most, if not all, of the story.
Reality: Don’t keep your emotions pent up, especially if you’re getting stressed over being a single father. That isn’t healthy. Talk to a friend who is willing to listen and won’t shut you out if you become too sad. Find a therapist to get an outside opinion on where you’re coming from. Everyone talks about how you can’t physically wear down, but we really don’t pay attention to the emotional and mental erosion that can happen here. Another benefit here is that it sets an example for your child that it is okay to ask for help when you’re stressed. This can lead to them being more open with you when they’re under pressure and strengthen a healthy relationship.
Reality: This is more important than fiction, so it gets the extra. Find time for yourself and your child. I know I’m not the one to talk, but even an hour of reading a book or watching a show while your kid sleeps can be helpful. A small, in-home hobby can help on the nights that you have to bow out of social events. I started doing jigsaw puzzles again and gluing them once I’m done. It makes the nights go by very fast, but I come out of the puzzle stupor feeling a little better about my situation. To be clear, I’m talking about something that is just for you. Not something you do with your child, but a hobby that is all about you. This may sound selfish, but I’m not saying to ignore important things for it. Just a relaxing hobby that you do whenever you have some time and need to reduce your stress.
We got another one from Quest of the Brokenhearted and I went with this fun introduction. Lacarsis was a monster-making playground for me and I needed to think of a great way to start the tournament. For some reason, this scenario kept playing out in my head. Enjoy.
Ciao, amici! I have an embarrassing story to share. Why would I share something that makes me look bad? Because in hindsight, it’s kind of funny. And it also leads into my surprise. (Although, based on the title of this blog, my news shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone now.)
Not long ago, my publisher asked me about cover images for three upcoming company releases. I’d only edited two of them (I happen to be an editor for my publishing house… long story. Actually, I guess it’s not that long. I both write and edit for them. Now you’re caught up.) In a meeting with the whole company—not a private chat or a memo with a couple of people, but with the ENTIRE staff—I told him I only knew two of the works and couldn’t help with the third.
There was a small pause, then he asked which one I…
This topic is going to be a little funky because I’m bouncing between two similar, but different, topics. I’ve been in both boats and felt like talking about them since they’ve been heavy on my mind. This might be a challenge because I don’t want to rant about the divorce and fallout. Now, what are the two roles?
Stay At Home Dad
I was this from late 2012 until late 2018. The trigger was that my son had been diagnosed as special needs and was heading into Pre-K. I could only find temp work at the time, so my wife (now ex-wife) and agreed on me staying home. She had a job and I pursued writing while taking care of our son. It was a really different first year too because he was sick nearly every week. His tantrums were bad and a few of them lasted for hours, so I was more father than author. That’s as it should be. I managed to counter this since the first 3 books of Legends of Windemere had already been written long before 2012.
Anyway, this was my life for a while. I took care of my son, ran errands, cooked, cleaned, and held down the house to counter me not making a lot of money. It was fun and rewarding, but there was some awkwardness. Play dates were hard because it was usually the mothers. Most times I’d be able to chat, but there’s still something off with people when it’s the father being spoken too. I remember getting odd looks from older people in public as well. Taking my son food shopping during a time when I ‘should be working’ definitely didn’t sit well with a few strangers. Was a problem for people I knew as well, but I tried to shrug it off.
Have to admit that being a Stay at Home father was much more challenging than being an author. Yet, I couldn’t complain because it meant I created important bonds with my son that I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t around that much. I do wish I got a little more time to myself, but we always want that in retrospect. I wouldn’t trade all the moments I had with my son for anything, especially since I’m not with him every day.
Single Father
This is still an odd thing to consider myself to be. I’ve come to accept it more, but it still hurts on the days that he isn’t with me. After spending about 6 years being with my son every day, I’m used to having my little shadow around. That’s really the biggest difference between the two roles. As a Stay At Home, I was with my soon all the time. Being single means I’m working and he’s with his mom at times, so there is no longer unlimited access to my own child. This is probably more for divorced fathers though. I do know of many that are fine not being around their kids because child-rearing is ‘women’s work’, but that’s not me at all. I cherished my time with my son and I think it made me stronger as a father and human being.
Unlike before, I no longer have a partner to help me out too. My parents are here to lend a hand when I need it, but I don’t want to depend on them too much here. This means I don’t get to have much of a social life. Some days, I’m okay with this, but there are times when I have to bow out of things and feel a little lonely. This is probably more that I still have that sense of being cast aside though. My friends do understand that I can’t always go out, which is good. One day, my son will be old enough to take care of himself or to come along for the fun.
The more I write about this, the more I realize the difference really comes down to how one prioritizes. As a Stay At Home with a spouse, I had more flexibility and someone who could take pressure off. As a Single Father, I have to put my son and job ahead of nearly everything else. Writing can’t be done on a whim because I have responsibilities and am no longer home while he’s at school. Nights are used for preparing for the next day and resting up. Definitely feels like there’s a lot more pressure on me than when I was a Stay At Home. Keep in mind that this is all personal opinion.
Now, I know I’m talking about fathers here, but 98% of this can go for mothers in the same positions. The only reason I’m not going to say 100% is that I really do think fathers have to work harder to create bonds with their children. Mothers tend to have a natural connection with their children regardless of the time they spend or even the treatment that they bestow. Maybe human babies imprint in some fashion and that’s typically with the mother? I really wish I could explain this, but it does cross a line into a personal realm that isn’t right to discuss in public. Again, my opinion here, so others might see things differently.
So, what do other people think of Stay At Home and/or Single Fathers?
Hey everyone. One of my great pleasures is to help my fellow authors with their promotions. Harmony Kent is an old friend and she’s touring her newest book around right now. Please make her feel welcome, and consider using those sharing buttons. I know Harmony would do it for you.
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Hi, everyone. Harmony here. Many thanks toCraigfor hosting me today. I have a new book on pre-order called FALLOUT, which is a post-apocalyptic dystopia. This novel started out life by playing a little game. I sat and closed my eyes and imagined an empty room … in that room, a vial appeared. A dull orange plastic thing covered in scratches. It sloshed when I shook it. From that tiny beginning, the world of Exxon 1 and its deadly virus was born.
Working in an arcade room with an old NES and Super NES has done one odd thing. I’ve found some classic games and remember the songs. There have been a few times that I’ve put a game on just to hear the music while I clean things up. This might be odd, but I can’t put Pandora on my phone. Data drain and I’d get fired because the songs I listen to can have curse words. Anyway, here are a few:
I skipped the usual Mario Theme, Legend of Zelda, and a few others. Then there’s the one that I always enjoyed, which I saved for last (Song starts at 40 seconds):
After relaunching A Heaven for Toasters, complete with new cover, I promised to publish it here in installments. If you’d rather not wait, this is your last chance to get it at $0.99 before the price goes back to $2.99.
Note: You can find a link to all published chapters at the end of this post or read more parts on Wattpad.
A Heaven for Toasters
What if your perfect man was a robot?
Detective Mika Pensive has a new partner. He’s hot. Smart. Funny. And an android.
Set in the near future, A Heaven for Toasters is more than a sci-fi crime adventure with plenty of romance and wit. It’s the book that will make you look at your toaster in a whole new way.
CHAPTER 4: Guide
1:13 p.m.
“Which way, again?” I asked, not bothering to hide my irritation.
So, we have an Excessive Heat Warning here. It’s been something we’ve been bracing for since Thursday. Currently, it’s in 83 degrees, but feels like 91 and it isn’t even 8 AM. I have a friend’s daughter’s birthday to go to this afternoon, so I’m staying inside since it’s a pool party. Might not be outside that much. The ex-wife is supposed to swing by the party with our son since he hasn’t seen my high school friends in a while. We’re going to see how this all goes. Seems she wasn’t sure if I told my friends about the divorce too, which had me scratching my head. I’ve known these guys for decades, so I’d tell them pretty quickly.
I will say that it’s still awkward being around couples, especially those with kids. I feel like an extra wheel and can’t always join in parts of conversations. Hard to share family plans when you only see your kid every other weekend and briefly throughout the week. It isn’t the custody plan that does this as much as the summer job. Yeah, we’re going to do a segue here.
The summer job is not calming down at all. I get home late and exhausted, so I stare at my 100+ emails and 50+ tweet notifications like they’re an army of invaders. There’s a break room that I recently found out about, so I step into there when my game rooms are running smoothly. This is mostly for quiet because the arcade is insanely loud and my ears are left ringing. You realize how tense you are when you walk into utter quiet and feel your entire body sag a bit. This break has allowed me to answer texts from friends and family as well as handling blog comments. The pocket notebook I’m carrying around isn’t getting any use since they changed the schedule and now there isn’t a single quiet period in the arcade. I take my official break to eat, but there isn’t a solitary place during this time for me to do anything. Not that my brain is operating in author mode. Hate to say it, but I haven’t thought about my stories in weeks. Only that I really wish I could get back to looking at them.
I want to talk about kids and video games here. Now, I grew up with video games starting with Pong then the Atari 2600 and I played NES at friends’ houses. Got a Super NES at 13 and there were friends with various Sega systems. My point is that I was really active with games up until the PS3/Wii era when I couldn’t afford it. While parents complained about them, we still went outside. These were also where we gathered and talked. Sure, we played, but we joked around and interacted with each other. The players were all in the same room and those not playing would be doing something else. I know it’s hard for people older than me to understand at times, but home gaming systems and arcades were our skating rinks and whatever else were hangouts. I still remember getting together with my best friend and playing ‘Rampage’ all day because we were determined to see how it ended. This is a memory that included a lot of goofing off. So, why am I talking about this like an old man?
Because I’m seeing how modern kids act with games. There are meltdowns, bullying, lack of sharing, and chaos here. To be fair, it’s only over Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. The NES, Super NES, and PS4 don’t get the problematic reactions. This is a fighting game, but the sports ones are competitive too. It wouldn’t even be so bad if some of the kids who play at home didn’t dominate and get upset if they have to surrender the controller. I really don’t want the game to be removed because it can keep 6 kids occupied, but they might push me to this point. Still, this isn’t even the strangest part because even my generation got heated with the fighting games. The difference to me comes from when I have to do something with the system. Here’s the tale:
I bought a new controller for the Nintendo Switch to allow for 6 players, but I needed to get it set up. I showed up right when the camp opened and thought I’d have time to figure it out. Genius that I am, I forgot the instructions. By the time I had set up the other rooms and settled in, kids began showing up. 3 of them came charging in (another issue) to pounce on the Switch where I was working. I asked them (sternly) to give me some space while I got the controller set up. All 3 stand about 2 feet behind me and stared with unblinking eyes at me while I tried to do this. I couldn’t because it wasn’t working and I was unnerved. So, I left and researched the controller. Came back later and asked if they could stop after the match and let me try something. They verbally agreed, which was a good sign. The INSTANT I switched the game to the system menu, the entire group (at least 7 kids) turn their heads to me and stare at the same time. They did not look away and there was no more talking. I swear, their eyes were glazed over and it was like they went into ‘Children of the Corn’ mode. Now, my son gets obsessed and will become angry if I take the games away. I’ve found that I prefer that reaction to what drove me out of the room. I left again and walked through the lobby telling the other counselors that I’m not going back in there until the room is clear.
So, that’s my story of the week. I’m sorry I’m not that active, but I get home from 6:30 PM to 8:30 PM with very little energy. All I do are puzzles, which I’ll get into tomorrow if I can’t think of any other posts. I’ve got 1 that I’m working on, 14 in a pile next to my bed, and 3 coming in the mail. Might have a problem while I attempt to fill the creative void in my life. They’re pretty cool though. The list includes:
Boba Fett art photo.
Star Wars Panorama
8 Underwater ones of various sizes and shapes.
Thomas Kinkade Batman Street Battle
Thomas Kinkade Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman photo
Marvel Funko Pop Collage
DC Funko Pop Collage
Justice League art shot
(Coming) Labyrinth Poster
(Coming) Dark Crystal Poster
(Coming) Adam West Batman
I really wish I could find some anime puzzles and more variety in video game ones because I’m not interested in Mario. Wish I could find an Ocarina of Time puzzle, but most Zelda ones are Breath of the Wild. Not sure why I have the puzzle obsession really. Guess we’ll find out one day. It might die off since I can’t find them easily. Not the types that I like anyway. Stores primarily have artsy, nature, Star Wars, and Disney ones. Figures that I get into a hobby and suddenly it’s hard to find the things.
