Nautilus from FFXIII

Welcome one and . . . Well, there’s only one of you.  First, I need to make sure you have the proper licenses and paperwork.  We can’t be selling our stock to people who don’t have the space.  It’s just bad for business and safety, which we take very seriously.  At least, we do ever since that mother of twelve bought a roller coaster for her house to keep the kids occupied during her crime shows.  So much vomit.  Now, what kind of park are you looking to build?

A theme is not necessary because it should only be about having fun.  We’ve got everything from log flumes to anti-gravity chambers.  That second one does require that you hire a resident engineer who specializes in futuristic technology.  Don’t worry because we have a list of candidates.  That’s right.  We can help staff your park once you pick the rides.  We don’t have packages though.  There are deals depending on how many things you get, but packages lead to copycat parks and that’s no fun.  Not unless they’re from the same company.  I mean, that makes sense . . . What are you looking at?

Oh, we call that the Psycho Hamster Special and it can really be the centerpiece of your whole park.  As you can see, there are tunnels going everywhere like a play area at a fast food joint.  People climb through and it leads them to various rides of your choice.  For example, you start here and go through the Haunted House tunnels until you hit this area.  Then, you choose between the Ferris Wheel or the bumper cars.  Both will lead you to these other tunnels that can be either walking, moving floor, or another ride.  Swing rides are difficult here because of space, but you can include various pendulums, drop towers, climbing walls, ball pits, and even a laser tag section.  The whole thing acts like a maze as well, which can end with a big ride that takes you back to the beginning.  While this does come close to the copycat issue, it’s not because you make your own system and we have enough to make sure there are thousands of combinations.

Looking at the space you have, we’re sure that we’ll need at least twenty bathrooms.  Here is a list of possible eateries and food carts.  There isn’t as much variety here as one would hope since guests tend to expect certain dishes at an amusement park.  Popcorn, corndogs, pretzels, soda, churros, cotton candy, and the usual fare are all at the top.  I recommend putting in a fun restaurant as your dining centerpiece.  We recently finished designing one where you dine in a bubble underwater with non-predatory fish swimming around.  The bubbles are a dense plastic that keeps you cool and it comes up to the surface for food, so it’s relatively safe.  No, huh?  The history restaurant is fun, but you need to hire someone who can make the proper foods and costumes for each theme.  People get angry if you get something wrong there.  Serve a diet coke in a Viking theme?  They just enraged.  Perhaps you should have a smaller dining establishment over here in case things don’t work out.  The Wild West Saloon comes with a street of vendors and horse rides.  Well, we probably could do something similar with Arabian Nights.  I’ll get the boys and girls in the back on that.  You can be our tester.

Let’s see what else.  Parking is done by you, but we’ll provide signage.  Merchandise requires that you have a sit down with Margaret, who is behind the door that looks like a balloon.  Ah, there is the issue of deadliness that we have to discuss.  Safety is a priority, but it also depends on what you want.  Is there an underlying purpose to your park that involves assassinations?  It would be safe for everyone, except your targets.  A push of a button can cause an accident to befall only them.  Don’t look so shocked.  There are more murder worlds out there than you realize.  Brings in some extra money as well.  Okay, think it over and we’ll pretend this part of the conversation was about the safari you want to put over there.  It’s swampland, but that just means you can use airboats, which have the big blades that . . . Right, not discussing that.  Got it.