Larry the Lunatic’s Amusement Park Supply Store

Nautilus from FFXIII

Welcome one and . . . Well, there’s only one of you.  First, I need to make sure you have the proper licenses and paperwork.  We can’t be selling our stock to people who don’t have the space.  It’s just bad for business and safety, which we take very seriously.  At least, we do ever since that mother of twelve bought a roller coaster for her house to keep the kids occupied during her crime shows.  So much vomit.  Now, what kind of park are you looking to build?

A theme is not necessary because it should only be about having fun.  We’ve got everything from log flumes to anti-gravity chambers.  That second one does require that you hire a resident engineer who specializes in futuristic technology.  Don’t worry because we have a list of candidates.  That’s right.  We can help staff your park once you pick the rides.  We don’t have packages though.  There are deals depending on how many things you get, but packages lead to copycat parks and that’s no fun.  Not unless they’re from the same company.  I mean, that makes sense . . . What are you looking at?

Oh, we call that the Psycho Hamster Special and it can really be the centerpiece of your whole park.  As you can see, there are tunnels going everywhere like a play area at a fast food joint.  People climb through and it leads them to various rides of your choice.  For example, you start here and go through the Haunted House tunnels until you hit this area.  Then, you choose between the Ferris Wheel or the bumper cars.  Both will lead you to these other tunnels that can be either walking, moving floor, or another ride.  Swing rides are difficult here because of space, but you can include various pendulums, drop towers, climbing walls, ball pits, and even a laser tag section.  The whole thing acts like a maze as well, which can end with a big ride that takes you back to the beginning.  While this does come close to the copycat issue, it’s not because you make your own system and we have enough to make sure there are thousands of combinations.

Looking at the space you have, we’re sure that we’ll need at least twenty bathrooms.  Here is a list of possible eateries and food carts.  There isn’t as much variety here as one would hope since guests tend to expect certain dishes at an amusement park.  Popcorn, corndogs, pretzels, soda, churros, cotton candy, and the usual fare are all at the top.  I recommend putting in a fun restaurant as your dining centerpiece.  We recently finished designing one where you dine in a bubble underwater with non-predatory fish swimming around.  The bubbles are a dense plastic that keeps you cool and it comes up to the surface for food, so it’s relatively safe.  No, huh?  The history restaurant is fun, but you need to hire someone who can make the proper foods and costumes for each theme.  People get angry if you get something wrong there.  Serve a diet coke in a Viking theme?  They just enraged.  Perhaps you should have a smaller dining establishment over here in case things don’t work out.  The Wild West Saloon comes with a street of vendors and horse rides.  Well, we probably could do something similar with Arabian Nights.  I’ll get the boys and girls in the back on that.  You can be our tester.

Let’s see what else.  Parking is done by you, but we’ll provide signage.  Merchandise requires that you have a sit down with Margaret, who is behind the door that looks like a balloon.  Ah, there is the issue of deadliness that we have to discuss.  Safety is a priority, but it also depends on what you want.  Is there an underlying purpose to your park that involves assassinations?  It would be safe for everyone, except your targets.  A push of a button can cause an accident to befall only them.  Don’t look so shocked.  There are more murder worlds out there than you realize.  Brings in some extra money as well.  Okay, think it over and we’ll pretend this part of the conversation was about the safari you want to put over there.  It’s swampland, but that just means you can use airboats, which have the big blades that . . . Right, not discussing that.  Got it.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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25 Responses to Larry the Lunatic’s Amusement Park Supply Store

  1. L. Marie says:

    Ooo. The Psycho Hamster one sounds like fun, but I’m worried about claustrophobic guests. I would love a marine theme, along the lines of Atlantis. An outer space theme would be nice too. 😀

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  2. Had to laugh at the mother and roller coaster for her kids. Psycho Hamster sounds like my kind of ride. Can I get that with black lights and dayglo hats?

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  3. I’m thinking there could be some fun options for the haunted house.

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  4. Hi, I just inherited a large island and was trying to decide what to do with it, someone mentioned you guys and I thought I’d stop in. I am interested in building a large park, I’d like to power it with large hamster wheel with convicts running in it, the income from holding the convicts will pay for the park.
    I’d like a lot of rides, such as a wooden roller coaster, a carousel, bumper cars with longboats instead of cars.
    I’d like even more restaurants, I’d like a large island themed one, say based on Gilligan’s Isle if possible, lots of coconut cream pies served by Maryann look alike and fish head pie served by a Ginger look alike. Can you build a floating restaurant too? Say a pirate ship with grog and hardtack?
    As for parking, even though it’s an island and there won’t be many cars, I’d like to build a parking lot The sends cars flying into the parking spaces via gigantic springs.
    How much will this cost?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, already having the island makes things easier, but there are few issues. It does sound like you will provide the convicts, which is a service we don’t offer. There is a form to sign that alleviates us of any legal responsibility for that decision. Human rights are a thing after all.

      Bumper boats are available and we do have a Gilligan’s Island package. Complete with a temporary shipwreck option and a special ride that replicates the storm. Sounds like you’re a Maryann fan there. Floating restaurants are a specialty, but they require you hire a live-in maintenance man. You never know when something will go wrong because such places have the issues of a restaurant and a boat. We have a list of staffing agencies that have those kinds of specialists.

      I’m not sure I understand the point of the parking lot with spring delivery system. We have a ride that works that way, so we can try to adjust it. That will take some time because we need to make sure it’s safe. Keep in mind that you will be held responsible for damages to people and vehicles if we don’t provide enough padding at the landing spots.

      Overall, we’re looking at about 5 million starting. It really depends on how much you bring to the table. Transport of materials is to be factored in as well since we have to get to the island.

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      • Sounds great! Don’t worry about the human right thing, it’s just exercise for the convicts, just like the gyms that have their bikes hooked up to provide power, no one complains about them. I’ll happily sign the form as long as you agree that it’s a one of a kind system that you won’t install anywhere else without giving me credit.

        I’m glad you’ve got the bumper boats and Gilligan’s Island package, that sells me on the whole thing. Yes, I do think Maryann was a better character than Ginger, though both of them were attractive.
        Live-in maintenance man, huh? Well as long as you train him or her I’ll go for it.

        I just like the idea of tossing cars around, honestly. But tell me more about this ride you have that’s similar, maybe I’ll just go for that instead.

        Only 5 million? I thought transportation of the materials would be that much, when can you start?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sorry. We can’t make that guarantee because you’re asking for a standard. The wheel powered generator is fairly common. Also, we have the ‘convict usage’ form for a reason. They’ve been using that system in Norway for years.

        The maintenance person will be trained. You get to interview them through the agency of your choice. We only get a finder’s fee here.

        Since you’re supplying location, employees, power source, and food, we only have to do transport and construction. We can discuss yearly upkeep later.

        Liked by 2 people

      • It’s a standard? You mean there are other amusement parks powered by convicts running in giant hamster wheels? What if they are dressed as Roman centurions?

        Everything sounds good. Can you have it finished by next weekend?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Not so much standard, but more common than people realize. We don’t keep records on the dress codes since those are determined by the owners. Feel free to ask on various forums to see what’s open.

        If you want the place to be safe then we’ll need at least 2 weeks. Rushing can lead to death and dismemberment. Maybe even some decapitations and defenestrations.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Ohhh! Defenestration! Can you make that into another ride? I’ll pay extra and sign wavers!

        Liked by 1 person

      • We can set it up. Just need a lot of padding and glass that doesn’t turn into shards.

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Personally I favor monorails and other overhead rides that can get you around the park. But flying carpets for the Arabian Nights restaurant would be a fun touch.

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  6. Reblogged this on Where Genres Collide and commented:
    Yikes! Don’t know that I’d like to visit these!

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  7. I wonder if serving a diet coke in a Viking theme might make everyone… berserk?

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