7 Signs You’re a Fictional Assassin

Posted on April 13, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz
Assassins Creed

Assassins Creed

  1. Every article of clothing that you own has a hidden weapon.  This makes doing laundry very difficult and it is not uncommon for a knife to get stuck in the lint trap.  Let’s not even get into the challenge of removing blood from silk.
  2. You don’t remember the last time your phone rang and it wasn’t a gravel-voiced man with a request or sultry femme fatale.  There was that elderly librarian calling about a late fee, but that was for one of your aliases.  So it doesn’t count.  Especially since you’re pretty sure that persona died in a bus accident.
  3. You only have two modes: charming and cold.  There is nothing in the middle and you switch so easily that you aren’t sure which one is the real you.  One time you tried to be friendly and it resulted in 17 deaths, 3 collapsed buildings, and a cruise liner getting launched into the Statue of Liberty.
  4. Before you took on your current line of work, you were in some kind of special forces where you learned all of your skills.  There’s no telling what those skills are until you need them.  In fact, you have no idea how you mastered so many things before the your twenty-fifth birthday.
  5. Every time you get into a car, it turns into a destructive chase.  This is why you walk to get your groceries, which still has the occasional gunfight in the produce aisle.  For some odd reason, you’re never arrested even though you’re caught on camera.  The few times cops get involved, they give up after a lengthy chase and forget you ever existed.
  6. If you go a week without leaping off a high ledge into water, staring through a sniper scope, or jumping through a window then you don’t know what you’re doing with your life.
  7. You’ve been to every vacation hot spot, but you have no photos or souvenirs from them.  Not even wanted posters because those mean you aren’t good at your job.
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Ever Wonder about Windemere Barbarians? Feel Free to Ask

Posted on April 12, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz
Timoran Wrath by Jason Pedersen

Timoran Wrath by Jason Pedersen

So I’m still getting over whatever I was hit by and I couldn’t think of a good teaser to put here.  Then I got to thinking about the promo stuff for the next Windemere book.  One of the things I wanted to make a post about is Barbarian Culture because the next book focuses on Timoran.

Now, I could just blab away and spew information in that May post.  Yet, I want this to be more interesting and interactive.  So, I’m opening to floor to those that wander through the blog.

What do you want to know about being a barbarian in Windemere?

To help, I’ll give a brief explanation of what has been established.  Instead of your standard brutes, the barbarians in Windemere are closer to philosopher warriors.  At least Timoran’s tribe is like this.  They have arts, agriculture, and a system beyond ‘biggest one smash smallest one’.  You can have a civil conversation with a barbarian about things other than battle.  They still have an affinity for fighting, but it isn’t all they’re about if you decide to chat with them.  Still, many people mistake them for the destructive berserkers of the old days when their rage controlled them.  So there’s a lot of misunderstandings that cause conflict.

FYI-  The post with questions and answers will go live on May 9th.

Last Minute Addition:

For all the Secret Project volunteers, I apologize for the delay.  I contacted Amazon to see if things would move ahead, but I haven’t heard back.  Until they make the change, I can’t really do anything.  Didn’t realize it would take this long.

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Ancient Rome – New Release

Posted on April 11, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz

Julian Froment's avatarJ and I Publishing

ancient rome

Description

Prepare your battle armor and charge! Ancient Rome had a lot of structural marvels and interesting costumes and now you can bring them to life with the tip of your pen or pencil. Step into a world of the past and make a colorful coliseum or a roman with attitude. You can do anything you like.

Amazon.com

Amazon UK

Happy Coloring!

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Rushing to the Reaper

Posted on April 11, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz

We move too fast
In everything we do
Planning every minute
To ensure all gets done
As if death is at our door

You see it on the road
People weaving into harm
As if the reaper
Is racing up behind
When he is waiting up ahead

We do it to our children
Pushing all they do
As if doom has them on the list
Planning to take them
Unless they speak at two

All our actions center
On what tomorrow holds
And how to get there fast
Skipping over days like leaves
Crushed beneath a funeral march

The quicker that we move
The faster we reach our maker
Who may ask us to our face
Why we never slowed our pace
And listened to the wind

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4 Mistakes to Avoid When Using Mailchimp

Posted on April 11, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz

Sacha Black's avatarSacha Black

Mailchimp mistakesIf you try something new for the first time and you don’t fuck it up, you’re probably not doing it right. Mistakes are natural, normal and help us learn to get better. I’m doing a monthly newsletter full of even more writing tips, competitions, handy writer hacks and news on my progress towards publishing. If you haven’t signed up yet, you can tick that off your list by clicking here. HINT!

I made mistakes. But I’m a writer. So standing up, dusting myself down and picking up the proverbial pen again is in my blood.

When I wrote the post on creating your perfect Author Newsletter I’d already found Mailchimp hard to set up and master. But SO many people said the same thing I knew I had to regroup and share some of the lessons I’d learnt doing my own newsletter.

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Pre-Order is Live

Posted on April 10, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz

Unknown's avatarDon Massenzio

Things are coming along well with the new book, Frankly, My Dear. I’ve received  positive comments from the beta readers now and will be going out to advance readers in a couple of weeks. It’s up for pre-order on Amazon and will be released on April 29th.

If you’d like to pick up an advance copy, you can do so by clicking on the book cover below:

poster

Here is a synopsis:

Frank Rozzani, a transplant to Jacksonville, Florida from Syracuse, New York, has left his tragic past as a police officer behind for life as a private detective. Frank and his partner Clifford “Jonesy” Jones work with the local police to solve crimes that are virtually unsolvable.

In Frankly My Dear, the fourth in the Frank Rozzani Detective Series of novels, Frank and Jonesy are at it again and this time the case is one of the most bizarre…

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Birthday To Me: Note the Missing Word

Posted on April 9, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz

Today has sucked.  Last night I started having a raspy cough and decided to see a doctor today.  The wife was in the same boat, but with her usual bronchitis.  First, that insurance issue wasn’t as fixed as I thought.  We’re on Medicaid until May 1st when our old plan takes us back.  This is one of those programs where you’re covered, but with something that is accepted less than a kick to the groin.  Found a clinic though and spent the birthday morning getting checked out.  Sadly, I’m not done because there was a blip on the EKG and I have to see a cardiologist to make sure it’s nothing serious.  There goes my Monday at least.

Honestly, I really should have seen something like this coming.  My week got destroyed by errands early on while I tried to get things ready for that special project. Still waiting for that to go forward, but it still be delayed due to the disease.  Plus side is that the kid is doing much better today.  He was home for 2 days and that killed all momentum I had for working.  The first day was checking on him every 5-10 minutes and carrying him to where he had to go.  The second day was him being more active until an afternoon of crying over everything.  With the wife going down, I can’t hand him off to her and recover energy.  So I might be more quiet than usual some days.

With the health thing in the air, I don’t think I’m going to be expecting a lot of success in other areas.  My plan was going to be to use the next two weeks to set up stuff for the Crossing Bedlam sequel.  Just designing new characters for a redesigned Lloyd and Cassidy to run into.  All I’ve done is list the stops, list of vehicles, and a basic idea for each spot.  Maybe I’ll get lucky and finish all of that by the end of the week.  Maybe I’ll also develop a healing factor and win the lottery.  Needless to say, I have very little faith in my success.  Other projects have been stalled too because I’m just too tired to be annoying over email.

To anyone who volunteered for the Secret Project, I’m hoping it’s okay if I put you on the list for the next Windemere release.  Not sure when that will happen, but I’m praying it happens in May.  This is where I’d normally put a list of goals.  I don’t really feel up to it after everything that happened over the last couple of days.  Nearly 2 PM and this is the first chunk of ‘me time’ I’ve had.  Royally sucks.

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All in the Details – Part 1 – New Release

Posted on April 8, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz

Julian Froment's avatarJ and I Publishing

all in the details 1

Description

This color book is intended for those who love complex patterns and designs filled with small spaces. As these images require concentration to color, they will help carry you away from your everyday stress and create a sense of mindfulness and peace within you as you make them your own. The pages are single-sided to help avoid bleed-through and to allow for greater freedom in the tools you use to color them in. Relax and enjoy yourself as you fill in these pages with the colors you love.

Amazon US

Amazon UK

Happy Coloring!

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7 Signs You Should Go Outside

Posted on April 8, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz
Yahoo Image Search

Yahoo Image Search

  1. At the urging of loved ones, including the dying orchid in the corner, you decide to open the window.  Taking a big sniff of fresh air, you promptly pass out.  Apparently, you’ve been inside for so long that your body mistook the clean air for poison.  On the plus side, your trip to the hospital counts as getting out and meeting new people, so your family will leave you alone for a week.
  2. You answer the door for Halloween and kids run screaming from your terrifying ghost costume.  You consider it a step in the right direction since last year they thought you were a zombie.  Still, you might want to do something about being paler than an albino.
  3. The slightest ray of natural sunlight causes you to do your best Gizmo from Gremlins imitation.  Complete with high-pitched screaming about the bright light and the smell of burning flesh.  Though that second one might be caused more by you using matches for small light sources.
  4. You have no recollection of what your town looks like. Google Earth helps you fake it when your online friends ask about where you live.  But you just said you enjoy going to a restaurant that burned down a year ago.  Maybe you should start taking some walks before people start thinking you’re a computer program instead of a real human.
  5. The last time you saw your house key, it was in your jacket pocket.  Now you have no idea where either one is.  Though the pile of moth-eaten fabric with a sprinkling of rust looks familiar.  Come to think of it, where did those moths go to?
  6. You cannot confidently answers the question ‘Are you animal, vegetable, or mineral?’ because you might be all three.
  7. There is a car waiting outside your house and you have no idea where it came from. It just sits there and nobody ever comes to claim it.  The police have driven by and say that they don’t see this mystery car.  You think you are losing your mind because the car is right there.  Now that you think about it, you vaguely remember owning a Corolla as well.  That same color too, but not as rusty and faded.  Whatever happened to that thing?  OH!
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Questions 3: Nobody Likes Being Sick

Posted on April 7, 2016 by Charles Yallowitz
Yahoo Image Search

Yahoo Image Search

So, I’m tending to a kid with strep right now.  Lots of kid movies and pampering, which has me thinking about being sick in a story.  It doesn’t come up too often unless it’s a central part of the story.  I kind of used one in Curse of the Dark Wind.  Anyway, let’s get to the question before I’m back on the parent job.

  1. Have you ever used a disease in a story?  Why or why not?
  2. What is one thing that you think is necessary when using a disease in a story?
  3. What is something you want now or as a kid when you’re really sick besides sleep?
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