7 Signs You Should Go Outside

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  1. At the urging of loved ones, including the dying orchid in the corner, you decide to open the window.  Taking a big sniff of fresh air, you promptly pass out.  Apparently, you’ve been inside for so long that your body mistook the clean air for poison.  On the plus side, your trip to the hospital counts as getting out and meeting new people, so your family will leave you alone for a week.
  2. You answer the door for Halloween and kids run screaming from your terrifying ghost costume.  You consider it a step in the right direction since last year they thought you were a zombie.  Still, you might want to do something about being paler than an albino.
  3. The slightest ray of natural sunlight causes you to do your best Gizmo from Gremlins imitation.  Complete with high-pitched screaming about the bright light and the smell of burning flesh.  Though that second one might be caused more by you using matches for small light sources.
  4. You have no recollection of what your town looks like. Google Earth helps you fake it when your online friends ask about where you live.  But you just said you enjoy going to a restaurant that burned down a year ago.  Maybe you should start taking some walks before people start thinking you’re a computer program instead of a real human.
  5. The last time you saw your house key, it was in your jacket pocket.  Now you have no idea where either one is.  Though the pile of moth-eaten fabric with a sprinkling of rust looks familiar.  Come to think of it, where did those moths go to?
  6. You cannot confidently answers the question ‘Are you animal, vegetable, or mineral?’ because you might be all three.
  7. There is a car waiting outside your house and you have no idea where it came from. It just sits there and nobody ever comes to claim it.  The police have driven by and say that they don’t see this mystery car.  You think you are losing your mind because the car is right there.  Now that you think about it, you vaguely remember owning a Corolla as well.  That same color too, but not as rusty and faded.  Whatever happened to that thing?  OH!

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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55 Responses to 7 Signs You Should Go Outside

  1. ellenbest24 says:

    As long as you can get to the window to look… there is hope, and sometimes that is all it takes. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I try to get out of my PJs and walk around the block at least once a day. Sometimes I open the front door and, blinded by the light, close it.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. L. Marie says:

    Ha ha! So true, after this past winter. But I went outside and discovered rain mixed with snow today! So I should stay at home and watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sue Vincent says:

    The dog would never let me get away with staying in… 😉
    How’s the patient today?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. itsmiessy says:

    Hahaa! Can’t stop laughing 😂😁😃


  6. This was great. I can’t help but believe my family asked you to post this in hopes that I will read it and do some outside things. Well, let me say this to them. If God wanted me to be outside I would have been born outside. Thanks for the laughs Charles.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ha – brilliant! Especially #6 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Kylie Betzner says:

    Haha! I think I hit 2 of those legit.


  9. My wife insists on taking me and airing me out every weekend.


  10. jowensauthor says:

    Reblogged this on Jeanne Owens, author and commented:
    Hahaha! Good thing I enjoy going out for nature walks.


  11. Reblogged this on Julian Froment's Blog and commented:
    Valuable advice.


  12. lorigreer says:

    I enjoyed this post and the comments very much. Glad I stumbled upon your blog.


  13. 😀 😀 😀 This is hilarious – and some of them are scarily accurate. I once had a scrap merchant knock on the door and ask if that was anyone’s car outside and if not could they take it away – it was my car. As for my nearest town, I visit it so rarely, it looks different every time I go. If it wasn’t for the dogs I probably wouldn’t go out at all.


  14. franklparker says:

    Went for a walk to the shop this morning. Later I’ll wash the car (if it doesn’t rain) and there’s lots of stuff to do in the garden. Thanks for the laugh, Charles.
    Frank Parker’s Author Site


  15. Your neighbors don’t recognize you, so when you peer out the window they call the police to report a burglar inside.


  16. I have little advice I’m almost as bad. 😀 —- Suzanne.


  17. Pingback: Top of 2016 #7: 7 Signs You Should Go Outside | Legends of Windemere

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