Dangers of Writing with Children

This is part 2 of possibly 2.  Last week I talked about the benefits of writing with children.  Today, I discuss the flip-side and make all of the non-parent writers breathe a sigh of relief that they don’t have to deal with this.  To make this authentic, I’m writing this while my son screams and cries a few feet away.  He refuses dinner and demands a cupcake?  Then he goes to bed hungry.  Seriously, he only wants to eat cupcakes these days.

  1. Ink Reloads–  The new ink cartridges for children are very expensive.  When you’re done writing with a child and they’re out of ink, it’s better to throw them out and buy a new one.
  2. Squirming–  The little guys and gals do not stay still when you’re writing.  Everything comes out like drunken cursive.
  3. Can’t Fit in Pocket–  They aren’t the most portable things when you need to write on the go.  The notepad models run away and the pen models leak all over the place.

What?  Wrong type of writing with children?  Fine.

  1. Theft–  Children want what you have.  This ranges from your notebook to your laptop to that Chinese hot pepper on your plate (raises hand in guilt).  If you leave your notebook and pen in reach, you’re coming back to doodles.  My son once got his hands on the manuscript for Family of the Tri-Rune.  I found drawings on the reverse side of ten pages.  I’m lucky that he knows not to draw on something with words on it, but you are probably not that lucky.
  2. Caterwauling–  Children scream, cry, yell, and make noise.  Try writing a romance scene with a tantrum erupting a few feet away.  Try writing this blog post with an epic screaming fit in the next room that includes a bathtub full of water.  Glad that bathroom can only fit one adult and he told me to get out.  Anyway, your focus is going to be shattering and splintered on a routine basis.  Accept this as part of the payoff for having sex.
  3. Editing!–  Leave your laptop unattended when you need a drink, some food, or the bathroom.  Remember to save before leaving because you’re about to return to aeaihfdoiafeaubvaejneateahufoaeyfaui.  Little fingers will find your laptop and add their own twist to your manuscript.
  4. Imitation Distraction–  Occasionally, your child might want to set up something that looks like a computer.  They’ll take the seat next to you or across from you.  Then they start typing away or playing the keyboard if that’s what they think you’re doing.  It’s an adorable event that will suck away an hour before you realize it.  They use their cuteness to full effectiveness.
  5. Stealing Snacks– A writer needs a drink and a snack on hand in case they start running out of energy.  Children love drinks and snacks.  They will get your drinks and snacks.  If you hide it, they will simply wait for you to reveal the location.  They’re natural scavengers that cannot be tamed.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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81 Responses to Dangers of Writing with Children

  1. keladelaide says:

    I hear you on all 5. The joys!

    Like

  2. Ah, the joys of little ones 😉

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  3. I feel your pain. My favorite is the every-five-minutes-like-clockwork “mommy.”… “mommy.”… “mommy.” “What!” “I just saw a commercial for…___” to which I’m thinking “I don’t care. why are you in here?”

    Like

  4. I liked this! But even these cons seem more like pros to me! I can’t wait to be a Mommy Writer! 😉

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  5. A tiny finger touched my keyboard once and the entire screen changed to something I had never seen before. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get out of it. I had to restart the computer. Then I tried every key and combination of keys I could imagine, but have never been able to make that happen again. Forever an unsolved mystery… 🙂

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  6. You lucky duck, your son leaves the words alone? When the kid was little, he would scribble on anything that remotely resembled paper or a flat surface! Library books had to be on the top shelves with the breakables, and I still have a cookbook that has his particular brand of art. I’m presenting it to his wife either as a funny wedding gift or baby shower gift … provided we live through puberty, that is! 🙂

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  7. ioniamartin says:

    AWWE. Daddy needs a sippy and a nappy.

    Like

  8. prayingforoneday says:

    I just blogged on Technology lol
    When my 1st Daughter my Mum bought Dawn and I this picture and it read:

    “If I like it – It’s mine
    If it’s in my Hands – it’s mine
    If it looks like mine – it’s mine
    if I think it’s mine – it’s mine
    Everything else is MINE too”

    We laughed when we got it…
    ,,,we don’t now, Because it is SOOOO True..lol

    Kids,A blessing

    Like

  9. Ellespeth says:

    I am Ellespeth, the cupcake fairy. Cupcakes serve a real purpose in life. They are challenging. Icing first? Cake first? Save for later? Many choices 😦 I have placed a mini cupcake on your little one’s breakfast plate. One never out grows that cupcake phase – some of us just stop telling people how much we adore them and go into hiding.
    Ellespeth

    Like

  10. JS Riddle says:

    I have realized over the past, oh almost 10yrs, that although summer vacation for the kiddo means I am the least productive. It doesn’t get much better :/

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  11. Ahahah! This one is even better! Well done. I’m “lucky” as you are if not a notch more….Maya tried to do grammar exercises this morning…she hasn’t learned yet not to write on written pages!!!

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  12. C.N. Faust says:

    Maybe I can wait a few years to experience this…;

    Like

  13. LOL too funny! I do not have children…but I have a black lab that thinks he is a baby and a stuck up cat that demands attention so I can still relate to a lot of these…especially on days when they are not getting along! 🙂

    Like

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