What Do You Look for in a Humorous Villain?

Now, we’ve seen villains with a sense of humor in comics (Joker), cartoons (Hades), and comedies (Dark Helmet).  You can obviously have a villain with a sense of humor that is goofy, sarcastic, or twisted.  They can still be effective too depending on the genre.  Not all comedic villains are bumbling idiots that would fail even if the heroes hadn’t gotten involved.  I always got that sense that He-Man didn’t really have to work hard to thwart Skeletor at times.  Don’t even get me started on Cobra Commander in the cartoon.

Effectiveness is a major challenge if you’re writing a villain that is funny.  Looking that three examples, you can see what some of the choices are:

  1. Dark Helmet–  From Spaceballs, Dark Helmet is powerful, but he’s rather accident prone and a goof.  You lose a lot of effectiveness with him because funny stuff happens to him without his intent.  This works in a comedy, but outside of a comedy, it makes for a weak main villain.  A secondary villain could get away with it, but the main villain does need have some semblance of control.
  2. Hades–  Cunning and in control of the situation, this type of villain is like an evil Grouch Marx.  Many times this is the egotistical planner that is manipulating everyone around him or her.  The humor comes from his wit and sarcasm, which is difficult to write.  Not everyone has this ability, so you really need to get feedback on this kind of villain or watch sarcastic comments.  This type of humor can improve the character’s effectiveness because it is a sign of intelligence.
  3. Joker– While Joker can be a catch-all at times, he is a twisted humor character.  Victims with his smile, crazy traps, wild laugh, and murderous plots that you laugh at for some bizarre reason.  It’s a delicate balance between crazy and effective here.  Go too far and you have a raving psychotic that is merely disturbing.  Don’t go far enough and you have a mildly humorous villain that seems to be phoning it in.

Personally, I like humorous villains that are effective.  The goofy villain is great in comedies, but only comedies for me.  A series story should have a seriously dangerous villain, but you can give them a sense of humor.  Most people have that in some form and villains are people too.  Unless they’re robots, aliens, animals, ghosts, zombies, possessed farm equipment, haunted house, lawyers, shparkly vampires, politicians, or a bio-engineered disease.

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Battle to the Death . . . Or Not

Catwoman Vs Black Cat

Catwoman Vs Black Cat

“My head is killing me,” Nyx groans as her eyes open.

She looks around the large room to see that she’s not alone and her roommates are starting to wake up.  A long-haired girl with vampire fangs zips to the wall and leans against it, wiping at a few tears.  The blonde with a tiny dragon on her shoulder and a raven-haired woman in a noble dress are the next to rise to their feet. Nyx wrinkles her nose when a fan turns on and she catches a whiff of a young girl with a bow, dirt and grime covering her from head to toe.

“What is this place?” asks a young girl with a wand and a thick book tucked under her arm.  “Who are all of you?”

An intercom crackles to life and a high-pitched voice says, “Welcome!  I’ve decided to capture you all and make you fight to the death!  All for my entertain-”

“In this small room?” Nyx interrupts with a chuckle.  “I’m sorry, but there isn’t enough space for this kind of thing.  Myself, the vampire, and the wand-slinger alone would decimate this room.”

“You’re still trapped!” the voice shouts.  “The door is electrified and will kill anyone who touches it.  Now fight!”

“I’m not waiting,” the girl with the bow growls.

She takes aim and fires at the blonde woman, her shot piercing the dragon through the head. The tiny creature’s lifeless body falls back while its claws grip the woman’s clothing, tearing the fabric down her body. The woman’s breasts fall free and her clothing gets tangled around her legs when she tries to walk. Awkwardly hopping around, the blonde slips and falls into the door. The other prisoners can only watch as a burst of electricity engulfs the woman and turns her into a pile of charred bones.

“We need someone to save us,” cries the noblewoman. She lets out a yelp when she sees the archer aiming an arrow at her.

“Stop it, dumbass,” Nyx snaps, waving her hand and sending the archer crashing into the wall with a wind spell. The girl collapses to the ground and passes out. “All we have to do is get through the door.”

“That’s why we need a man,” the woman insists.

The brown-haired girl stares at her before admitting, “I don’t understand what she’s talking about.”

“I didn’t know they still made damsels in distress,” Nyx says with a shrug. She turns to the vampire girl, but stops when she sees the tears. “Why is the vampire crying in a corner like a heartbroken schoolgirl?”

“I miss my husband. We’re soulmates and-” she begins before crying again.

“I’m starting to reconsider the death match idea,” Nyx growls.

“I won’t die here!” the archer shouts as she leaps to her feet and takes aim.

Nyx covers herself in flame and watches the arrow incinerate before it reaches her. She grins at the open-mouthed stare of the girl with the wand. The archer moves to aim at another target, but she is rammed into the ceiling by Nyx’s spell. A few more solid slams around the room and the archer is dropped in a corner where she groans in pain.

“Now we can-” Nyx starts, freezing when she turns around. “What the hell, fangy!?”

“I was hungry and lonely,” the vampire whispers, dropping the noblewoman’s body at her feet. “The woman said she loved vampires and wanted me to eat her. I miss the sun and my sparkles.”

Nyx stares at the vampire in confusion. “Where the hell did you come from?  Nevermind.  I’m setting you on fire.”

“Wait!” the wand girl shouts, stepping between the two prisoners. “We need her to get out. The door can’t kill something that isn’t dead.  Besides, I read that vampires like her can only be killed through beheading.”

“Disintegration is kind of a catch-all death, kid,” Nyx points out. “You read about vampires like her?”

“I’m not proud of it.”

The vampire girl disappears for an instant before ricocheting off an invisible shield around Nyx and the young girl.  She hits the wall and lands on her feet, shaking the stars from her eyes.

“Copywritten paralysis spell that this author doesn’t know the name of!” shouts the girl with the wand.  She smiles when the vampire girl stands straight, her undead body locked in place. “That should calm her down.”

An arrow strikes the girl in the shoulder and she tumbles to the ground.  “You bloody shot me, you crazy bitch!  What the fuck is your bloody problem?”

“I-” the archer says. Her words are cut off when she is engulfed in flames and turned into a pile of ashes.

“You two saw me give that idiot a few chances,” Nyx contends, getting a nod from the injured girl and a forced mutter from the vampire. “Good.  Let’s get out of here. Close your eyes, fangy.”

Nyx approaches the vampire as violet energy wraps around her arms. She grabs the girl by the ankles and picks her up like a baseball bat.  With a wide grin, she walks to the door and strikes it with the paralyzed vampire.  The burst of electricity nearly blinds her and fills the room with the smell of burning hair.  A coating of violet magic covers the vampire before Nyx strikes again, the electricity weaker this time.  Several solid blows later, Nyx gets frustrated and magically rams the vampire girl into the door. The hinges snap and the power source for the trap explodes out of the wall.

“That was easy,” Nyx announces with a grin. She watches the vampire stagger to her feet and stumble into the sunlight. “So, where are you off to, wand-slinger?”

“I have to get back to school before final exams,” the girl answers, cringing at the pain in her shoulder. “I probably should have this taken care of too.”

“Guess I’ll take you home to make sure you’re safe.”

The girl smiles and picks up her fallen tome.  “I stay at a wizard’s school.  I’m sure you would like it.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’d fit in perfectly,” Nyx replies with a mischievous grin.

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New Header for the Community Storyboard!

CSB superheroes!

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FREEBIE ALERT!

Free download on August 16th and 17th.

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Preparing for a Funny Friday Post

The theme of this week was supposed to be comedy and I was going to be all humorous.  Then stomach pain, abandoned with child, and all of the chaos turned my mood into a sour funk.  I still want to get back to the comedy with at least one funny post each day.  I was going to cheat and use Grouch Marx quotes for an afternoon post or see if I can think of a comical conversation between characters and author.

This post is to request some info for tomorrow’s afternoon post.  I want to make a silly post about ‘How you know you’re in a specific book/movie world’.  So, I’m asking for a list to see what books, movies, or shows you want me to lampoon.  It won’t be complicated, but I want to have some fun.

Let’s have some fun.

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New Amazon Author Thingy

I scrolled too far down the Prodigy of Rainbow Tower page and thought I was looking at the book’s rankings.  It was strange because it wasn’t fantasy and I was in the the 30’s about an hour ago.  I found this:

#55 in Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Action & Adventure

#74 in Books > Literature & Fiction > Genre Fiction > Action & Adventure

Apparently, Amazon ranks authors in genres and it’s in Beta.  I’m listed among real bestselling authors.  For example, I’m right behind James Patterson on that first list and I’m a few behind Michael Crichton on the second list.  Interesting new toy, but I’m not going to worry too much about it.

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Calm Down?

thCalm down he says
As if stress has a fucking switch
A week of screaming
Battling child and adult
The help promised did not come
Until I was already near pain’s door
Stress building up
Like soap scum on the rim

Calm down he says
In a tone I know too well
My pain is my fault
Because I am never calm
Self-induced destruction
With no sympathy
From those that never help
Until I’m crying out in pain

Calm down he says
While my insides twist
Never giving me a day
To wash the stress away
Only giving me an hour
To scramble at my work
Driving my stress higher
While the pain beast grows in strength

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Visceral Waking

thI wake shaking
Though the weather be not cold
Muscles quivering
From a ghostly touch
Sweat dripping from my brow
Leaving my pillow soaked
I groan and whimper
Feeling my guts churn
Anxiety roiling them
Like an angry ocean
No memory of the cause
Just a sense of fear
Unsure of what befell
And terrified
That it will return
Once my eyes fall shut

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Rankings Update: Great Way to End the Day

#68 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Fantasy > Epic
#75 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Fantasy > Sword & Sorcery
#94 in Books > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Epic

And that’s for Legends of Windemere: Beginning of a Hero.  The first book is sitting there.  Here is Legends of Windemere: Prodigy of Rainbow Tower:

#29 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Fantasy > Epic#31 in Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Fantasy > Sword & Sorcery#39 in Books > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Epic

I’m giddy.  🙂

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Miserable Melvin and Laughing Lenny

Melvin and Lenny were co-workers, but they weren’t friends.  They were far too different from each other.  Melvin was always moody and never laughed.  Talking to him meant that you would hear how miserable his life was.  Lenny laughed at every joke, smiled all the time, and would never complain.  He frustrated Melvin, but they were only co-workers, so he dealt with Lenny.

One day Melvin was in a truly foul mood and couldn’t take any more of Lenny’s laughing and smiling.  He cornered his co-worker in the break room at the end of the day when the office was nearly empty.

“I don’t understand,” Melvin said in a cracking voice.  “You are always happy.  Why are you always happy?”

Lenny smiled and patted Melvin on the shoulder.  “Because people expect it of me.”

“What?” Melvin blurted out, caught off-guard by the answer.

“In the last year, I have lost my dear wife, my home, and my daughter has moved overseas. I haven’t heard from her in four months,” Lenny explained.  He wiped a few tears from his eyes and took a deep breath. “It has been a difficult time and I don’t want to burden other people with my problems.  They have their own problems.”

“Why would you suffer like that?”

“It is how I choose to live.”

Melvin rubbed his eyes and sighed in frustration.  “People live together to share their problems and lend an ear.  It’s the only way to avoid the misery from festering, which is why I don’t hide that I’m unhappy.  I suggest you do that a little before you go mad.”

“I don’t want to be a bother,” Lenny politely insisted.  He walked toward the exit, his steps a little heavier than Melvin had ever seen.

“Wait!” Melvin shouted as he approached Lenny.  “I’m not really a social person, but I’d be willing to listen to your problems.  It might be nice to hear someone vent instead of being the one venting.”

“Thank you,” Lenny said with tears in his eyes.

For the first time in his employment, Melvin smiled.  “You’re welcome . . . friend.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                

Is there a moral to the story?  Depends on your perspective on life.  Lenny could be right that the best way to go through life is to put on a smile and never let the world see your tears.  On the other hand, Melvin could be right that you have to vent and release the negative energy.  Personally, I think the moral is this:

Everyone needs at least one friend to balance them.  A miserable person needs a happy friend to hold them up.  A happy person needs a miserable friend to be there when they are faced with darkness that they don’t understand.

That’s just me though.  What about you?

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