Wedding Palace: If You Have the Vows, We Have the Wows

Welcome young lovers to Wedding Palace, the store with all of your magical wedding needs. Is this for a party or quick vows before running away from an evil wizard?  I warn you that the fast lane is a little backed up this time of day.  Since you want a party and have a holy man picked out, we’ll skip right to fun stuff. Here are your repeat customer cards in case you need them.  I’m not saying anything will go wrong, but divorce, dragons, goblins, evil curses, reincarnations, necromancers, zombies, and mother-in-laws happen.  I still wish you the best of luck.

The important part is . . . not the cake, sir.  My cousin has a bakery that I’ll send you to once you’re done here.  First, we’re going to look at the dress for the lovely bride.  Are you looking at white or has that train sailed?  I ask because we have some dresses that will strangle an impure bride.  We call them our a ‘Chastity Line’.  I have a shimmering moon pearl dress with an enchanted train, which floats a hair off the ground.  It’s a favorite among elves and the sleeves can be removed for warm weather.  It does require that you get married at night under a full moon.  The dress falls apart if you say ‘I do’ in direct sunlight.  Great for a honeymoon trick, but terrible at the altar.  What do we have in tuxedos?  Every color and very little variation.  This isn’t really about him and he knows it, which is why he keeps asking about the cake and open bar.

Music is very important and we have a very versatile group of musicians.  We have live ensemble bands, solo bards, gnomish DJ’s, dwarven drum circles, undead bands, and a siren who promises not to eat anyone.  Feed her a roasted pig and she’ll be happy.  It really doesn’t have to be roasted, but it shows a little work on your part.  What kind of solo bards do we have?  Our type musician is a guitarist and singer who knows all of the popular and ancient songs.  He’s also available for bachelorette parties and his sister is on our list for bachelor parties.  She can come with the entertainment package as a dancer too, which is handy for getting people out of their seats.  Don’t worry, she knows more than exotic dancing.  They’re vampires, so they’ve had a long time to master their trades.  I assure you they’ll be well-behaved since they bring their own meals.  No, sir, they will not be wanting any of your cake.

There are a lot of small things that we can help with.  Favors, guest book, decorations, air chamber to entertain the kids, and . . . do you get along with your in-laws?  Yes.  That’s good, so you won’t need our ‘I made a wrong turn’ drivers to escort them to the event.  Our people are excellent at remaining lost for hours.  We can provide a cake topper.  Oh, now we have your attention, sir.  Did you have anything specific in mind?  That’s rather complicated and detailed.  We’d need to hire an illusionist for the coiling dragons and fairies would require us using special flowers around the display.

I believe we still have a lot to do, so please follow me to the fitting and yelling rooms.  It’s soundproof so if you want to argue over decisions, you can do it in private.  Thank you for coming to Wedding Palace.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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12 Responses to Wedding Palace: If You Have the Vows, We Have the Wows

  1. K. A. Brace says:

    Excellent, Charles! >KB


  2. Love your style – so refreshing! I am really looking forward to getting into your other books with this little “project” I’m working on! 🙂


  3. Excuse me sir. This is a very interesting place. Could you tell me where I will find Charles the stressed? (Great post Charles)


  4. L. Marie says:

    Ha! This should be required reading for anyone writing about a wedding in a series. 🙂 Maybe down the line, I’ll have a wedding in mine. My characters are kinda young though. But your post makes me want to at least plan a wedding, especially in a dwarven drum circle is involved.


  5. Wedding store. I have the most ridiculous story about that. My daughter must have been two or three. She was crying periodically for days because she wanted to go to the “married store” with me, but she couldn’t because her mom got there first. No idea where she came up with those ideas…


    • Kids get in some really strange mindsets. I’m always waiting for a weird tantrum from the toddler. Thankfully, he tends to make sense or we realize it’s from a TV show/movie. A few days ago he was upset that Elsa ran away from Anna and wanted me to get my car keys to help them.


  6. Pingback: Living Musically, Or The Son of Paleface Returns | The D/A Dialogues

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