Yahoo Image Search
(Yes, I agree the guy who writes these ‘Shop Skits’ should make a category for them. Must be the old age and a sense of laziness. What? Get on with the post and stop breaking the fourth wall? Fine, but you really should look into that category, boss. Maybe it’ll be there by the time this goes live.)
Welcome, young man! What can I get for you? Ah, a birthday cake for your mother is one of our specialties. She’s an immortal Elf Queen . . . Well, we’re always up for a challenge here. Just write down the particulars like flavor, colors, and message. Any special decorations? Head of the Orc that killed your father? We’ve got a lot of fondant in the back, so give me a picture and I’ll see what I can do. I’ll put some green icing in the thing to imitate the blood since I have a feeling that would go over well with your family.
Do you want to hunt your own cake? I see you’re confused, so I’ll explain. This is a magical bakery where all of our products are free range. We make them in the Ovens of Pinocus and let them roam around the forest out back. What if the animals eat them? I admit we lose a few cupcakes and rolls from time to time. For the most part, the products are left alone now that the animals know he danger. We still check every product to make sure they’re clean and they haven’t eaten a rabbit or something. Unless you want that type of filling. No? Then grab one of those lightning wands and come along.
Yahoo Image Search
As you can see we gave them plenty of room to roam with a forest to give them shade and a river for them to keep moist. We don’t add the icing and decorations until we get them inside and de-animate them. Simple procedure that will cause no damage to your cake. Now, you wanted silver velvet, which is one of the rarer breeds. I think they stay around the eastern flower beds and hide among the vanilla wedding cakes. If we’re lucky, we’ll find a big one. If not then I’ll let you take two and we’ll tier them. Yes, I’ll put the the head between the tiers and make it look like jaws are crushing it. You’re not letting this thing go. By the way, watch out for the eclairs because they spit and that goop can attract the muffin herds. Not dangerous unless you’re allergic to whatever breed shows up, but it would force us back into the bakery where we have to clean up.
Here we go and there’s a nice-sized silver velvet right there. See it lurking in the tall grass? You can catch it by the shimmer from the sun. Just go over there and zap it until it stops fighting back. Your mother would be happier if you do it than some old baker with a bum leg. What injured my leg? Nothing. I hit it on a table corner this morning and it still hurts.
Now go get that cake! You can do it, kid. Don’t show any fear and stay on your toes. Watch out for the chocolate layer cake on your left! Uh-oh. Hey, Cal! We have any ‘Sorry for your Loss’ cakes out here?
Legends of Windemere 
Charles this was really good. I can tell you’re from Long Island. >KB
LikeLike
Thanks. Curious how the Long Island part comes through.
LikeLike
Wry humor, only another LI’er would notice.>KB
LikeLike
Got it. I was always told that was a Jewish thing.
LikeLike
Well lots of Jews on LI but it’s contagious unless you don’t live there or in NYC
LikeLike
Reblogged this on The Mirror Obscura and commented:
Charles Yalowitz is a writer of Fantsy Fiction and an industrious serious writer. But every now and then he needs to take a break from the more serious side of literesture and this is one of those happy events. Please direct your “Likes and Comments” back to Charles’ site. Thanks >KB
LikeLike
Hope you don’t mind. I thought it was that good. >KB
LikeLike
I’m flattered. Glad you enjoyed it.
LikeLike
It was good and I thought you could use the exposure. I told Erik ‘Daughter’s of the Rose’ to contact you–his book is coming out and he would be another person to have help you as well. >KB
LikeLike
I’ll keep an eye out for him. Thanks.
LikeLike
Cool 🙂 After a morning spent wrestling with a cake I appreciate making it out of the kitchen alive now 😀
LikeLike
Great timing. Never turn your back on pastries. 😉
LikeLike
Or the dog when making them… 😉
LikeLike
Natural born cake predators.
LikeLike
Similar to sons…. 😉
LikeLike
I sem to ahve forgotten the exact date of your birthday, so I am wishing you a HAPPY BIRtHDAY now! (If I am late, damn! If I am not hooray!)
LikeLike
It’s tomorrow. Thanks though. 🙂 All I have planned for tomorrow is pizza and possibly a cake.
LikeLike
Thats the best! If pizza is mega hot and spicy with hot sauce and at least 3 different varieties of hot peppers – its a dream come alive! 😀
LikeLike
I was just thinking about a Jamaican Jerk Chicken style. Getting the stuff from California Pizza Kitchen.
LikeLike
Too funny, Charles – nice job!
LikeLike
Thanks. 🙂
LikeLike
LOL on the “sorry about your loss cake.” This was really fun.
LikeLike
It seems I’ve had a thing for evil pastries and cookies the last few days.
LikeLike
Working up to destroying one.
LikeLike
I’m more interested in pizza and Red Robin burgers. 🙂
LikeLike
Ha ha! All you have to do is mention cake and I’m all ears. I wouldn’t mind a silver velvet cake myself.
LikeLike
Rich and delicious. 😀
LikeLike
LOL…Growing cakes! I wish it was the easy. Too much fun!
LikeLike
Sounds rather dangerous to me. Poor kid.
LikeLike
Haha. Baked goods always worth trying!
LikeLike
Yummy and free range.
LikeLike
Haha. Yeah!
LikeLike
Loved this! Cakes, fantasy and humour – three of my favourite things combined! TDx
LikeLike
Glad you liked it. It’s always nice to relax with a funny story instead of serious stuff. 🙂
LikeLike
Pingback: Happy birthday | Daily Echo
LOL! Now that’s a true gift of imagination you’ve got going Birthday Boy!! Did you have cake on your mind or what?!? This was fabulous!
LikeLike
Ice cream cake. It was yummy. 😀
LikeLike
You must, I insist on this, have a slice for me. I can’t eat sugar anymore, so I live vicariously 🙂
LikeLike
I had two, so you can claim one.
LikeLike
You are the best!! That technically means you only had one. That means you can have another piece guilt free! lol
LikeLike
Stuffed with pizza. Probably shouldn’t push it.
LikeLike
Ohhh no…not a good idea. I don’t want you getting sick on your birthday. Have you had a good one?
LikeLike
I guess. It’s been rather laid back, so it’s hard to get excited. Just a mellow day.
LikeLike
You needed a mellow day!! Saturday can be your “excited” day 🙂
LikeLike
Along with tomorrow and Friday.
LikeLike
Pingback: Wedding Palace: If You Have the Vows, We Have the Wows | Legends of Windemere