So I was hoping to post some pics last night from the Zoo Trip and the Easter Egg Hunt I made for my son. Small problem is that the Keeper of the Photos in this household is a crafty one. Takes a lot of negotiating and confusion to get even a few pics, which makes me really wish we had it on a shared computer. Unless it’s on a portable hard drive, but I’ve long ago been left out of the loop of the stash’s location. I’m going to try to post some pics on Sunday, but these are the only ones I could get:
Neither of us are very good at smiling for pictures. I barely try and he over does it. By the way, be careful calling these buffalo when my son is around. He’ll tell you that they’re actually bison and refuse to give any ground.
There’s an area of the zoo called ‘Jungleworld’. One spot has been educational where things are set up and you hit a button to show the answer to a question. Things like fake bones and fake jaguar prints. Until this incident, I didn’t even know it was attached to an animal enclosure. Yet, here a gibbon was sitting on a branch with his feet against the glass. He didn’t give a damn about the crowd only a few inches away.
I was asked if I wanted a prairie dog pic with the kid in it. I wasn’t looking and said yes. This is what I got. As I said, our photo distribution system needs a lot of work and less red tape.
Don’t let the picture fool you. We aren’t talking exclusively about physical pain and torment. That’s fairly easy and people have their own preferences. Some villains go for the bones while others focus on the skin. I went to Evil Bastard University (Go Pink Chickadees!) with a guy whose only struck the left side of his opponents. Not sure what happened to him, but I’m sure he’s either doing okay or been killed by somebody who wasn’t in the mood for his antics. Anyway, how do you REALLY hurt a hero? Here are a few tips:
The most common method is to hurt or kill a loved one. If you go with the first or third option then make sure the hero is watching. Doing it when they aren’t paying attention will get them mad, but having the see it happen creates a sense of helplessness. Out of sight, out of mind type of thing. You should be ready for a rage-fueled enemy to come after you, so spruce up the fortress and upgrade your skills a little before attempting this one.
Kidnap a loved one, which is a milder version of #1. It can be combined with hurting and killing, but I’m talking about taking a hostage. Some heroes will back down and even do what you ask while you hold a loved one prisoner. This isn’t the best idea since you’re going to have to give the person back at some point. See the last sentence of #1 to see what you should do to prepare for that one.
Have an agent send them on a long journey that will help them defeat you, but is really a distraction. Heroes always fall for somebody in need or messages that hint at a weapon designed to kill you. Don’t get me wrong. Many times there is a big thingy that will ruin you, which is why this trick works. They’re off searching for something in the wrong direction while you’re getting stronger and doing whatever it is that makes you evil. DO NOT BE IDLE! The heroes won’t feel a sense of shame for falling for your trick if it’s revealed that you did nothing more than paint your nails and learn how to play the pipe organ while they were away.
Corrupt a loved one to your side. It’s best that you do this without magical manipulation because that can be undone. Woo their lover or tempt their best friend to get them to turn. Lie about the hero and make them think he or she is really the bad guy. Few things are more entertaining than the look on a hero’s face when they’ve been betrayed. If you’re not very charismatic then get an agent who is. Just don’t let that person turn their power against you.
Burn a place they love to the ground. It’s your choice if you want people to be there or not. Personally, I avoid that because of the smell and it attracts hungry dragons.
Start a large propaganda campaign against the hero. One method is to hire bards to spread rumors about their mistakes. You can even set the hero up with a trap that makes it look like they’re the ones who destroyed the orphanage. Try to avoid building yourself up as the real good guy because we both know that will never fly. It also requires that you do things to counter them, which can take time away from your true machinations. Keep the rumors coming and flying faster than they can react. Before long, they’ll be hated around the region and their fragile hero ego will be considering retirement.
Capture them and make them suffering. Yeah, I said this wasn’t going to be about the physical side of things. Yet, you should never underestimate the psychological aspect of torturing the hero. They always in control and confident with that gag-inducing faith that good will triumph over evil. That isn’t easy to maintain when they’re getting broken and there’s no end in sight. I guess this isn’t a great one for the list since you can’t go very far after you’re done. Kill them or release them into the wild where they’ll either die or come back stronger than ever. Go back to that last sentence of #1 just to be safe. In fact, forget this and just try to kill the hero. Why take the risk?
“Every villain is the hero in their own story” is a common, popular writing tip, and while I agree, I think it is sometimes confused with “Every villain thinks they’re the good guy.” There’s a difference between thinking you’re a hero and thinking you’re a good guy, and not every villain thinks they’re a good guy.
Though the word “hero” in itself has a positive connotation, I argue that villains can still be a “hero” in their own mind while also being aware they are doing something wrong or harmful. Take revenge plots as an example. Most often seen in thrillers, a protagonist could be solely out to seek revenge, whether or not that revenge is warranted. In fact, many believe revenge isn’t “justice” and therefore isn’t heroic. But, at the same time, a revenge-seeking protagonist will think of themselves as a hero without believing they are a good guy…
Arrgh! Shiver me timbers *whatever the hell that means….
The latest Heroes in Hell anthology has been blown by a Hellish Maelstrom onto these shores. Hell Week 2017 will be along in good time but for now here’s a taster.
Perdition Goes Viral As Floods Overrun Infernity!
From Perseid Press:
Avast, ye readers! Here be Pyrates! Feast yer eyes on the cursed treasures before you! Hoist the skull ‘n’ crossbones! Walk the plank with hell’s sorest losers! Join the damnedest buccaneers and privateers ever to sail infernal seas. The depths of hell chill the boldest sinner as damned souls learn why the deeper in hell you go, the colder it gets.
Come on down: Join us in the depths of hell where a few of our damnedest writers break every rule of perdition, resulting in longer stories overflowing with torment. Amid more horrific punishments than ever, only a few survive…
Goal Accomplished/Progress Made– June Blog Posts Scheduled
That’s it. This Spring Break has been incredibly chaotic and busy. My hope to write at night was dashed by a few late nights for the kid and being exhausted. I’m not even sure how to write this post. You can tell things are rough because I didn’t schedule this post from the night before and it’s going live in the afternoon. Yeah, that should be a big sign that I’m clinging to an out-of-control carnival ride. This doesn’t end until Wednesday when he goes back to school. Let’s just do a day-by-day since I rarely get any blog hits anyway:
Monday
Passover! Family! Need I say more?
Tuesday
This should have been a sign that I was in for a rough week. The plan was to go to the Bronx Zoo, which it seems the entire Tri-State area thought was a good idea. 20-30 minutes in traffic for the final exit, but we gave up because the parking lot looked like a nightmare. EVERY route to the zoo was clogged, so my dad thought we could go to a nearby amusement park. Yeah, that doesn’t open until May. We finally get home and I take the kid to Target for some promised Lego sets. He had been crying over the failed trip (hoping to make good on this promise tomorrow), so I spent a bit more than originally considered. Traffic was a mess getting to lunch too. We were up until 9 PM doing the Legos since he went out to play with the neighbors, which I don’t mind. Still, I was left exhausted.
Wednesday
A fun play date at the park and Friendly’s for lunch. That was good. Dinner at friends and a late night to let the kids watch ‘Sing’. That was good too. The tax-related chaos between these two events were a test of my sanity. I never asked for these fucking stocks, so why should I suffer every April? Not sure what to do with them and I keep getting told that selling them would be a disaster for taxes the next year. I mean, what the fuck is the point of these things if I can’t use them when I need or want to? People tell me it’s a game. Fuck no. Legend of Zelda, Monopoly, Tic-Tac-Toe, and Peek-A-Boo are games. This is bullshit that punishes you for giving it a second glance.
Thursday
The morning is a blur, but my parents took the little guy to a play. My brain was too mushy to get anything done. I did a few posts and I bought some birthday presents for stuff in May. Here’s the thing that people seem to forget about authors. It isn’t a switch that you can flip on for focus and energy. No matter how skilled an author is at jumping tracks, they can’t do much with low energy and high stress. It’s like beating the crap out of a car and then expecting it to win a race. There’s a chance it will cross the finish line, but it’s going to leave a mess in its wake.
Friday
Finally, a day that went 100% smoothly and no chaos between the fun. We had another play date that involved a library with 3-D Printers that kids can use. My son made a little Charmander and his friend made a blue cat. Then we went to lunch and returned to their house for toys and chatting. We’re getting together on one of their last break days for ‘Sing’ and playing too. This is how the week ended and I’m beat.
So, that’s it. I have no update on Ritual of the Lost Lamb because I’m treading water for a reason I can’t get into. There was no progress on Protecting Bedlam since I couldn’t find the time. Even the thoughts I had on Thursday have been trapped in my head because I’m just a lump of whimpering flesh at the end of the day. Sorry if my posts are getting boring or sad or you wish I would get the next book at. Although, I’m not sorry to the people who take this delay as a chance to tell me ‘Game Over’ for my author career. Thanks for that and go fuck yourself in that arena.
Plans for the week:
Try for the zoo again.
Finish Spring Break.
Contact cover artist for Ichabod Brooks cover.
Write a little Protecting Bedlam. Maybe 4 chapters if I can get my mojo back in time.
Prepare for a movie day with family next weekend.
Remind myself that the pizza reward has been pushing back again. Doing it once I finish Protecting Bedlam.
Make a post for tomorrow and Thursday. Not sure about tomorrow only because I won’t really be around.
I’m pretty sure those of you that follow my blog probably can vouch for my incessant ramblings too!
At least you can decide what you want to read and what to skip.
Not so for those that I meet.
And my poor Hubby Dearest and children when they accompany me anywhere!
Working as a teacher means I am exposed to many folk from the community, and a trip to the supermarket, or town is seldom without an encounter with a student or their family, which always means a (short honest!) catch up.
As a rather sociable member of the Sikh community, the one to accompany my mother in law to all manner of functions, not to mention a past member administrator for the local Bhangra group, I know lots of faces too, so there is invariably someone who I end up meeting and exchanging pleasantries with…
Legends of Windemere 