Well, it’s the first goal post of 2023 . . . It doesn’t feel any different than 2022.

The truth is that I didn’t do much once the break was over.  Tuesday was back to work for me and back to school for my son.  It was a flurry of events that ensued because the end of the second quarter isn’t far away.  That means my days were spent going to work and then helping him with homework.  I wanted to get some writing done, but it wasn’t in the cards, especially as the week progressed.

I had trouble sleeping almost every night and the weather kept setting off my sinuses, so I was pretty miserable.  As I write this post on Friday night, I’m barely staying awake and feel terrible.  I’ll feel better as soon as I go lie down, which is why I’m confused.  It seems stress and anxiety is triggering something.  Even trying to write a fight scene resulted in the same reaction.  I feel warm and start to sweat while my head spins and my breathing gets ragged.  There’s no fever and the cough is my usually anxiety one that goes away as soon as I relax.  I’m clearly tired though.

The sleeping part is probably key.  I’ve been using Zzzquil to help me fall asleep because nothing else was working.  I can’t use it every night though.  So, I use it every third or fourth night.  So, the previous two nights (Wednesday and Thursday) were without Zzzquil and I dealt with some stressful stuff before going to bed.  Didn’t have a choice there.  Both times I violently woke up at 2:30 AM covered in cold sweat, gasping for air, and not sure where I was.  I’d settle down a little bit and get a bit more sleep, but not enough to fully counter everything.  It wouldn’t be until noon that I felt more human.  A tired human, but one that was no longer thinking his skeleton was trying to claw itself out of his body.  There weren’t any clear dreams to trigger this too.  Yet, the damage was done and I dragged myself to the finish line yesterday.  That’s why I took Zzzquil last night and am hopefully still asleep when this goes live.

One interesting thing I found is that apples help clear my head and give me an immediate boost of energy.  Not sure what this means or if it makes sense, but I definitely want to add more of them into my diet.  Definitely couldn’t hurt.

I’d say ‘in other news’, but nothing else happened.  I finished the March posts, worked on a puzzle, pseudo-watched an anime that I barely remember, and wrote maybe a page of Darwin & the Demon Game.  It will be nice if I can do more this weekend, especially since the original plan was to write chapters 4 and 5.  That would put me at the 1/3 mark.  Getting frustrated that I start suffering from exhaustion, brain fog, or getting really sick every time I try to write a book.  I can’t tell if it’s bad timing or I only get the time after pushing myself beyond my limits everywhere else.  At this point, I’ll be happy to get chapter 4 done.

Not that here is any rush to get these books done.  Think I mentioned this before, but I don’t know when I’ll be able to publish again.  Need to find someone to do the covers for Darwin as well as the money.  I still can’t afford any real marketing, so it would be tossing books into the ether and walking away.  Not a great idea and feeds the belief that I’m wasting my time.  Whoa, that was a big spin of the room.  Maybe it is fatigue and I’m just pushing myself too hard.  Anyway, I need to figure out how to solve this problem or it’ll be another year of no new releases.  Heck, that might be useful and I’ll just write the books then publish when life gets better . . . or one of my descendants proves to be smarter and does something with them.

This coming week isn’t going to be much different from the previous one.  I think there’s an appointment or two in there.  My son has a bar mitzvah next weekend, so that’s going to take up 2 of the 3 days.  We have MLK Day off, so we can do video games and relaxing at that point.  I’m not going to make any major plans considering how easily things go helter-skelter these days.  Why do the decisions and actions of other people end up punting me into a state of physical and emotional torment?

So, what are the goals for next week?

1. Sleep better.
2. Rest more.
3. Hydrate
4. Eat apples.
5. Hope for the best.