So you’re an author and about to go on a business trip. Sort of. Most people think of those things as suits, ties, boardrooms, and numbers. You’re hitting a cabin or somewhere to get your ideas on paper in piece. Oh, you’re using a laptop? Then the screen. Still I recommend bringing a notebook along to be safe. You never know when a soda will spill, an update will cause a crash, or a machine will simply decide it doesn’t want to live anymore. So, what can I put in your Author Survival Kit?
Let’s start with the less remembered necessities. Soap, shampoo, towel . . . Trust me that you’ll want to bathe while you’re away. If you’re body odor gets bad enough that it makes your own eyes water then understand that nothing alive will want to be near you. Yes, those things come in raspberry-scented and we do have strawberry deodorant, but it isn’t a big seller. Toothbrush and toothpaste are in this little pack along with a shaving kit that is gender neutral. It’s a razor and basic shaving cream. Nothing fancy since you’re going there to write.
Now we’ll need to pack you a menu. Do you have a kitchen? No, but you will have a fridge. Then you’ll need cold foods and drinks. For that we’ll give you this highly versatile . . . coupon for the supermarket down the block. Seriously, there’s nothing unique about food and you have more important things to worry about than cooking. Unless you’re writing a cookbook. Then you probably should have gone somewhere with a kitchen or at least a hotpot.
Now you said a computer, so I’ll give you the Paperless Package. A small thumb drive with one of our great, bootleg designs such as Iron Superhero, Spider-Person, My Small Horse, and Killer Robot From the Future. That last one does have a habit of making partial copies of data and causing irreparable damage to continuity. We’re just trying to get them out of the store and the government won’t let us destroy them. Now you have a laptop and charger, so I’ll give you a nice backpack to put everything in. They come in three colors, which are blue, gray, and the Elton John design. That last one comes in very handy if you have to walk around at night.
Guess that’s it. You expected more help? Well you’re Mr. High Tech, No Paper. Did you notice the rows of pens, pencils, erasers, notebooks, cork boards, quills, inkwells, markers, post-its, staplers, and everything else you’d find in an office supply store? Funny you should ask how we stay in business with the wave of technology. Here’s the last room for the final piece of your author kit . . . Yes, I know it’s a giant liquor store. So do you want a Hemingway or Poe addition to your package?