Legends of Windemere Fantasy Bundle #1

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Exciting News + A Plea For Help #romance #ASMSG #IARTG #MFRWAuthor
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7 Signs You’re an Author and Parent
First, I tried to find ‘Parenthood Memes’ and I got a lot of stuff that I don’t want to talk about here. Just think about that first word and you might figure out the terrifying, unfunny stuff I found. This is probably going to come more from the father’s side, so just a warning there.
- You are staring at your manuscript, which you printed out because you prefer to edit by hand. Something is wrong with it even though the printer worked and you haven’t even started. Crayon! That’s right. This one doesn’t have crayon all over it with the phrase ‘I help’ scrawled at the bottom.
- You yell at your characters for messing up a scene and threaten to turn this story around if they don’t behave. The villain is now in the corner to think about what he did and the love story has fallen apart because of a cooties outbreak. Also, you keep calling everyone the name of your kid who still doesn’t react.
- You can’t tell if you’re losing sleep over writing or the kid refusing to go to sleep. All you know is that falling asleep at 10 PM is a great idea, but is less likely to happen than you being given a contract by Random House. Sad thing is that you know you’ll be up at 6 AM whether you like it or not.
- Your mastery of swear words has been greatly reduced. Every character goes to the potty and the most common insult is ‘meanie’. The villain must routinely stop his speeches to apologize for being too scary. Also the dwarf now lives in poverty because the hero implemented a swear jar and somebody couldn’t clean up his act.
- You run into several odd mistakes. Most of these are words that appear in the middle of sentences or your child’s name randomly on a line. Worst part is that this is the tenth editing run and these things keep he wanted waffles coming up. Almost like you keep fixing things fine give him pizza and distractions still turn up to make new mistakes.
- You really want to put kids into your story, but it’s more because you want certain characters to suffer. Living a carefree life of an adventurer or have the time to be a successful villain? Let’s see you two get the job done with a toddler screaming about the popcorn being the wrong color. There’s no such thing as the wrong kind of white and it all tastes the same!
- Your work area is set up with a smaller work area next to it. This comes complete with pens, pencils, empty stapler, sippy cup, Spongebob keyboard because toy laptops are expensive, pile of papers, crayons, and a bowl of animal crackers. Then a few minutes after you start working, you somehow end up having to use the small desk because the kid noticed your chair has wheels. He has a helmet on and there’s nothing breakable in the hallway. At least he’s occupied.
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Tagged 7 signs, author, children, father, humor, mother, parenthood, parenting, privacy no longer a thing, writing
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5 Tactics to Master Killer Short Story Endings
Excellent tips for those who, like me, have trouble writing short stories.
I’ve always thought the ‘short story’ was one of those irritating elephants in the room. My particular brand of short story elephant, is made of shiny gold, and spends 100% of his time glaring at me from the corner of the room looking down his extra long trunk nose to make me feel woefully inadequate.
Every author knows they should be able to write a short, but not everyone can.
I can’t.
I’m so inept at writing short stories, I wrote a piece of flash fiction last year and the fucking things turned into 30,000 words of what will be a novel. Apparently I didn’t get the ‘SHORT’ memo.
*shrug*
All I can do is write full length novels, or blink-of-the-eye flash fiction. Something about that smug middle man puts me in a catatonic state of ‘fuck-you-upitus-writersblock.’
However, Esther Newton, is a master of the short. I’ve just finished reading her collection of award-winning short stories:
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New Book Fanfare – Forever Changes – Dave Allen – The future of County Cricket
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A Week of Wuh?
Every have one of those weeks where you’ve mentally blocked chunks of it from your memory? I mean, I know I did stuff every day. No clue as to what that is since I didn’t meet my writing goals. The sad part is that on Wednesday, I pushed myself and did some fine-tuning to make up for lost time. Then Thursday became a total loss and I was further behind than I was before. My hope was to finish before my son has his Easter Break in a week and a half. If I pull it off then it’ll be by the skin of my teeth, but it isn’t looking very good.
One thing I did accomplish was getting all the posts ready for April. Threw in some poems and humorous stuff as well as opening hype for the next Windemere book. I’m not sure if I’ll get the book out by May, but I’m hopeful. Look, we all know how this game goes with me. Something goes wrong and I’m left spewing excuses. Hence the reason I never give exact release dates. When things are ready, I’ll publish, promote, and hope for the best like I always do. Seems to be a lot of that third option, which has me both on edge and depressed. 2016 really is emotionally kicking my ass and this book having dark events isn’t helping me. Might have to do a week or two of ‘Bedlam’ prep to improve my mood. I think I’ll do another one of those at some point even though the first isn’t selling. It’s weird that people are enjoying it, but it rarely sells. Maybe more needs to be out there to get attention.
The weather got weird, which is a topic that means I have nothing else to talk about. I mean, we discuss weather when we simply want to avoid silence. I could bring up the flowers that grew outside that my son has to check on before he goes to school. Simple crocuses that always pop up. Bought ‘The Peanuts Movie’ on DVD since my son loved it and we watched it as a family. There was a book fair at his school, so he now has 7 new books. Of course, he’s sticking to the old ones because that’s what kids do. Either they ignore the new for the old or claim the box as the real toy. Seems my week has been filled with tiny events and big distractions. Seriously, I really can’t remember what went horribly wrong.
In blog news, I’m trying to figure out a way to make ‘Teaser Tuesday’ easier. It’s hard to pick excerpts without spoilers or knowing which characters people will like. Lloyd is always popular, but that would result in most of the book going online and then Amazon will get mad. I have until April to figure something out since we have more of Kayla Matt’s art coming. Maybe I’ll even use April and May to post the next adventure of Ichabod Brooks piece by piece. Not sure what to do about pictures there since I only have the first cover and no sense in buying art for a ‘blog only’ thing. Also an issue where Tribe of the Snow Tiger would need some excerpts and that could make a big break with Ichabod. Can I ever do something smoothly? Wondering how much I do to myself.
So, what’s the plan for the week?
- Write 5 more chapters of Ritual of the Lost Lamb.
- Think of meals for when I’m in charge of cooking in a week.
- Do a little prep work for another Bedlam book.
- Study pizza dough recipe for first attempt.
- Biking and sweating.
- Wake up around 2 or 3 AM next Saturday. Complain about it.
- Heavy lifting
- Heavy breathing
Smorgasbord Open House – Australian Author Fiona Tarr -Covenant of Grace Series
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From Parenthood to the Unleashed Genie
I’m making a jump from one topic to another in here, so prepare for the bumpy bridge.
Recently, a friend revealed that his wife is pregnant and he’s gearing up to be a first time father. Congrats were made along with a few jokes and the offer of advice whenever he had a question. Being a voracious reader, he got a book on what to expect. The result was this:
Like many of us, he had a surge of panic and then ranted about the book. It was all bad news and worst case scenarios. In fact, I realized that most sites and books I looked at were the same. Miscarriages, birth complications, newborn diseases, SIDS, lack of sleep, and the whole bad news parade. Nothing about the joy of holding your child for the first time, the comedy of diaper changes, advice on how to protect your furniture, and just useful stuff. It’s like the only thing we can do as a society is drive a person into a panic and think that’s helping. Nobody makes good decisions when in this state. It’s where mistakes and paranoia appear, so why do we do this?
The story ended happily when my friend giving up on the book and getting his vengeance with a 1-star review. Definitely a lot more relaxed since then and that’s how this stage of life should be. Be aware of the potential problems, but don’t let them overshadow the positive stuff. Let’s be honest here. Most children end up being exceptions to half the rules you read about. I was warned about my son not sleeping through the night, but that was never an issue. He never napped, so he conked out for 3-4 hours stints almost every night. Just happened that way because, this is important, every child is a unique individual. No matter what standardized tests try to say.
Now my friend’s plight got me thinking about my own parental thoughts. Mostly I’ve been looking at the world that I’m raising my son into. People are probably already sensing where this is going. Something that has been grinding down my mood and prolonging this bout of blues is that everything is so angry and hateful. The news is filled with negativity and people are hurling venom all across the Internet. Is this something new or did social media and 24 hour news merely make us more aware of a pre-existing issue? All I know for sure is that I’ve seen friendships end before of this childish shit. It’s become a contest to see who can kick each other in the balls the hardest. Thing about that is both sides end up in severe pain and infertile.
I’ve seen a lot of fights and heated discussions with a few sensible ones surprising the crap out of me. Yet, there’s a question I have in regards to the hate that is spilling out into the public psyche. There’s a toxicity in the air that is truly frightening and turning one person against another for reasons that might not even be real. Each side points at the other and thinks eliminating them will solve the problem. Compromise is seen as weakness while hatred has become an acceptable weapon. As an author, I know words are powerful and foul ones are being spewed without a thought of the consequences. This is the world that I’ve brought my son into and there’s no telling what it will become. It all comes down to this one question though:
Can we get rid of the hate without creating more hate?
Let’s be honest here. The poisonous genie is out of the bottle and there is no putting it back inside. You can’t say what is being said and then go back to normalcy as if it never happened. Words that are said in an instant can linger for the rest of your life, especially these days. So, where do we go from here? Can anybody really think that their side will win and the other will suddenly go along after everything that has been said? Doubtful, which means you’re going to have more animosity brewing and I’m scared to find out what happens when that finally hits the breaking point. It isn’t what you see now. Trust me when I say that the hatred is driving us toward something a lot worse.
This is probably the most political I’ll get here and I’m rather nervous about doing it in the first place. Just needed to vent. Tomorrow will be the usual goal post. I shall end with a meme that has a typo:
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Tagged advice books, expecting, fatherhood, future, hate, humanity, parenthood
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Look, up in the sky…
Okay, the tab bar actually. Right up there at the top.
Nestled among the about me page, and the free stuff, is a bright shiny new page. This one is called Lisa Burton Radio. Lisa’s radio spot is impressing me with the number of views and shares it’s getting. I stacked the deck and invited my first half dozen authors to participate, but that’s going to run it’s course eventually.
This means that some of you are going to have to approach me when you’re ready for some promotion. I know some pretty cool people, but I don’t know all of you. There are some posts in the factory right now, but I’m going to run out in a few weeks.
If you’d like a chance to do some unique promotion, check out the new page and hit me up. Remember this is all about your characters, and let’s face…
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Let’s have some fun
A fun contest. Thanks to Ionia for running it. 🙂
Drop a line in comments below and quote the most memorable line you can recall off the top of your head in a book or movie. Then you will be entered in to win a copy of “Crossing Bedlam” by Charles E. Yallowitz.
I will choose one lucky winner this weekend to receive their copy, I can only gift to US residents via Amazon, but everyone is welcome to play just for the fun of it. Help out an author and share this post if you have a chance. Book details below .

Available HERE
The United States of America has been crippled. Violently contained by a global military force and left without its leaders, the country has become shattered and chaotic. A decade has passed since the first strike and a new landscape has emerged where survival is more important than anything else. Who will uncover the…
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