By the time this post goes live, I should be on the road for a father/son trip.  We aren’t going too far, but it should be fun.  A nice change of scenery, a fun museum trip, and just time to relax.  We have a lot to discuss about the upcoming school year, next summer, and future plans too.  That’s what the car trip will be.  I’ll be happy to not have to wake up early and head to work.  Don’t get me wrong.  I enjoy my job, but I need a breather for a week or so.

The trip won’t be for the whole week that my son is with me.  We’ll be back with enough time to . . get haircuts and handle a few appointments.  I think both of us are in a state where rest and minimal planning is needed.  Although, I’ve already made all of our dinner and lunch plans for the trip and following week.  This is to make sure I bring enough money on the trip AND don’t buy any food that I won’t end up using.  Meal planning is a great money saving activity that I need to utilize more often.

With the editing of Darwin & the Beast Collector finished, I didn’t really do any writing this week.  I perused the next outline and poked at ‘Phi Beta Files’, but life was too busy.  I was doing a lot of bus matron shifts at work and a sleepless Tuesday night gave me little energy.  Most of my post-work energy went to physical activity like Pokemon Go or biking depending on the weather.  Can’t afford to be sedentary during the days when I can be active.  Sadly, this means no writing, which isn’t too bad since I’m still struggling with my doubts.

Things will change in the coming week.  I’m bringing my notebook along, so ‘Phi Beta Files’ will get some work done.  I will try to work on more of it after coming home because I should move on to another story plan.  Once next Saturday hits, I’m going to start writing Darwin & the Joy Path.  It will probably be in the afternoon after I participate in the big Pokemon Go event, but I’m fine with that.  Walking around in the morning and socializing should get me in a better mood for writing.  Can’t be dour and depressed when writing Darwin.  Although, I won’t get to him until Monday because the weekend will be the prologue.

Everything seems rushed and scattered lately.  Feels like there is constant noise and activity around me until 9:30 PM.  Can barely concentrate even when I’m in my room because either my phone is going off or people keep shouting for me.  There hasn’t been much in the way of peace.  Could explain why my nocturnal panic attacks are back with a vengeance.  That’s another reason I’m looking forward to this trip.  I need the mental respite like I got with Oswego.  Praying I don’t come home to an immediate erasure of my calm though.

This might be another reason why I’m scared to start in on a new book.  So much is going on that I can’t guarantee I’ll have the energy, mindset, or freedom to write more than once or twice a month.  Ever since I stopped publishing and the books stopped selling, certain people have pushed harder to get me to stop entirely.  I will admit that work, parenting, and taking time for my physical health have nearly granted them their wish.  It’s hard to rationalize getting time to write when there’s no financial gain.  Keep in mind that I don’t mean rationalizing to myself, but to those who repeatedly request my time whenever I’m free.  A person asking to hang out or do something from time to time is one thing, but a constant barrage whenever I appear to be free is too much.

With any luck, the upcoming school year won’t be as hectic as the last one.  I doubt it since I know of various changes coming and I don’t have my schedule yet.  Trying to be positive, which isn’t in my nature.  I’d just like to get a bit of writing time in during the week, which might only be Thursday.  That requires enough energy to focus and get a chapter section done.  It’s also my day to treat myself to take-in, so I try to have an hour of Pokemon Go to work up an appetite.  Wednesday is shot due to it typically having an appointment and then the weekly Pokemon event.  I tend to need extra sleep that night anyway, so maybe I can make that an early bedtime day to make sure I have the proper amount of energy for Thursday.

I’m overplanning and stressing.  Part of the rambling is because I can’t talk about what’s really eroding my sense of safety and sanity.  The specific situation is getting worse and showing no signs of dwindling in frustration.  As far as I know, nothing major can happen to shake up what’s going on.  Yet, it could only be that I can’t do anything and the other person involved is able to throw a nuke onto the battlefield without any negative consequences to themselves.  The unfairness of what I’m dealing with is weighing on me every day.  Could this be why I’m scared to write since Darwin Slepsnor is inherently a positive, happy character?

Anyway, goals of the week:

1. Drive safely to and from trip.
2. Enjoy time with son away from home.
3. Tinker with ‘Phi Beta Files’.
4. Watch movies we’ve picked out when we come back.
5. Join in various Pokemon events.
6. Cook penne with vodka sauce.
7. Haircuts!
8. Back to school shopping if needed.
9. Puzzle time when home and on my own.
10. Take out trash on proper days.
11. Complete more November blog posts . . . Anyone think I should do character interviews on Tuesdays at that point or stick with reviving old teasers?