Goal Post: Things Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

I’m not even going to look at last week’s goals.  A big reason for this is because I failed pretty badly.  At least with writing because I was barely able to write more than a chapter of Darwin & the Demon Game.  So, what went wrong?


Let me explain.  I was feeling really out of it all of last weekend, which I thought was due to the weather.  Sleep wasn’t easy to come by and my focus was all over the place.  My sinuses were killing me, which was another weather thing.  No fever or cough or anything that said I was sick.  This is why I only got one chapter done and I was hating myself for it because I felt like it all sucked.  It was better on reading it again, but at the time I would write a paragraph walk off for a few minutes and then go back.  I couldn’t stay locked on target like with this paragraph.  Yet, I couldn’t figure out what was going on.

Until Monday morning . . . And it hurt.

For a few days, I had been waking up at 2 AM and having some anxiety issues.  I would sometimes fall back to bed, but it would take a while.  It finally came to a head on Monday when I woke up and everything below the neck was locked.  Not sure how long it took me to get my body moving again, but it was a feeling I haven’t had in years.  This resulted in everything being a wreck.  Stomach was soured, head was pounding, mind was racing, sweat was pouring, breathing was labored, vision blurred, and joints hurt.  I had to take the day off of work and get myself tested to get an idea of what was going on.  So, what was the verdict?

That’s the mystery.  It seems I may have had some infection, but there weren’t any signs of what it could be.  The top contender is that my anxiety finally reached a level that my body and mind couldn’t handle it.  The week before was pretty rough, but I didn’t think it was so bad that I’d start to physically break down.  Seriously, my bloodwork was like that of someone who just got over a bad infection.  Yet, the numbers also fall into the range of someone who is extremely stressed.  I’m still trying to regain my strength and durability here too.

That’s really the only thing I’ve been doing this week.  I’ve been taking Zzzquil to help me sleep.  Just got a pair of cooling pillowcases to see if that helps.  I got some herbal pills to take if I wake up freaking out.  Haven’t tested either of those yet.  Screwed up sleep seemed to be a big factor, so I had to keep going to bed around 9:30/10.  That meant no time for writing or much of anything beyond a little puzzle time.  Might be that way for a while.

This weekend is going to be homework and my son was invited to another Bar Mitzvah.  I doubt I’ll get any writing done.  Managed to get 25% of Chapter 5 done, but I won’t be getting any further.  I’ll have to try to reach the 1/3 completion mark next weekend.  It’s doable as long as I get my stress levels lower.

Wish I had more to talk about.  I’m still unsure of where to go with the writing career since it looks like I need a cover artist for Darwin’s adventures.  Money is getting tight again due to the stuff for my anxiety and having to buy speakers to attach to my laptop.  They aren’t that expensive, but they add up.  Keep thinking it would have been smart to learn how to draw and do covers, but that’s not my talent.  Really need to make good friends with someone who can do that.  My foggy mind has trouble figuring out what would make a good cover style for Darwin too.  It keeps going back to the ‘Not an Evil Tree’ as a background with the book title on the trunk.  Seems kind of boring.  I really don’t have a great mind for covers.

Anything else?  I’ve been watching an old anime called ‘Gun x Sword’.  I remember seeing it in Best Buy a lot.  Finally gave it a shot and it wasn’t what I expected.  Thought it was a sci-fi western like ‘Trigun’.  Instead, it has giant robots that the characters fight with.  It’s not bad, but seems a little disjointed at times.  To be fair, my mind isn’t focusing on stuff and several episodes were watched as the Zzzquil started kicking in.  So, I might have missed a few things.  I keep comparing it to ‘Trigun’ and ‘Cowboy Bebop’, which isn’t doing it any favors.  Guess I lost all the non-anime readers (that would be nearly everyone) at this point.

Briefly, next week is again going to be about recovery, but it’s going to be busy.  My son has a few appointments and tests to study for.  He also has his winter concert coming up, so the evenings will be heavily booked.  Maybe I’ll be able to write a bit on Wednesday and Friday to give me an edge towards finishing chapters 5 and 6.  It’s the week before midterms at my school, so I won’t expect my energy to remain high.  Things are going to get crazy and I have to brace myself for it.  Guess that’s the life I’m living for a while until I can lock in some stability.

Goals of the week:

  1. Help my son stay calm at Bar Mitzvah even though I won’t be there.
  2. Homework with son.
  3. Watch Spider-Man 2 with son.
  4. Get anxiety and stress under control.
  5. Enjoy son’s concert.
  6. Start new puzzle.
  7. Stare forlornly at Amazon Fire Tablets that I can’t afford.  I really need something that can work with digital graphic novels.  My old Kindle is terrible with pictures . . . That and I haven’t seen the charger since my ex-wife moved out.
  8. Laundry eventually
  9. Sleep!

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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14 Responses to Goal Post: Things Didn’t Turn Out the Way I Expected

  1. Darlene says:

    Stress does terrible things to our bodies. Take it easy. Check out Teagan Geneviene. She creates amazing book covers that would work well for your books. She is also a genuinely caring person.


  2. Emphasis, I suspect, on sleep!


  3. Anxiety will drive those white blood cell counts up for sure. I hope it eases somehow.


  4. Maybe just park everything for a few days and heal. Laundry will still be there and so will your MS.


  5. Take care, Charles. It must have been scary to have that sleep paralysis when you were awake!


    • I don’t even know how to explain my thoughts during it. I quickly knew what was happening, so there wasn’t fear. It was more confusion. The fear hit later when I felt terrible and my mind kept coming up with new reasons.


  6. Jennie says:

    I’m rooting for #9, as that will help with the rest. I always say that, don’t I?


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