Merlin’s Pizzeria: Magic in Every Bite (More than Mushrooms)

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What do you want?  Oh yeah, welcome to Merlin’s Pizzeria.  Nobody with that name works here, but it gets people inside.  Every slice does somethin’ different and we’re not held responsible for what you do afterwards.  Place your order.  Fine . . . Here’s the menu:

  • Cheese–  Regular slice . . . You eat it and don’t starve to death.
  • Pepperoni– Now you can make your skin heat enough to melt plastic.
  • Sausage– Transform into pieces that can move separately.
  • Green Peppers– Immunity to telepathy; Side-effect is you’re boring for the day.
  • Black Olives– Ability to summon demons (They don’t like you either.)
  • Mushrooms– Instantly grow to the size of a four-story house.
  • Meatballs– Flatten anything between your hands.
  • Broccoli– Gas attack . . . Not a power, but a digestion issue.
  • Vodka Sauce– Perfectly read body language of others, but unable to be silent about it.
  • Buffalo Chicken– Spit fiery feathers, but it’s murder on the sinuses.
  • BBQ Chicken– Transform into a tasty sauce monsters.
  • Pineapple– Gain ability to ignore all criticism because you clearly don’t give a fuck.
  • Jelly Beans– Transport back to 1987 with various ninja abilities.
  • Extra Cheese– Still no powers, but double the defense against starvation.
  • Anchovies– Expel salt from your pores at various speeds.
  • Ham– Grow twisty tail and can eat just about anything.
  • Bacon– Super strength and an extreme case of laziness.
  • Spinach– A visit from the FBI.
  • Feta Cheese– Ability to leap 100 feet, but only straight up.
  • Onions– Can shed your skin to remove surface imperfections, but new skin is sensitive.
  • Banana Peppers– Large maw grows on stomach with either sharp teeth or kissy lips.
  • Jalapenos– Laser beams can be emitted from any orifice and it will burn.
  • Sicilian– Can dodge anything with super speed sidesteps.
  • Deep Dish– Breathe underwater, but you lose the ability to swim. (What you get for ordering that in New York.)

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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9 Responses to Merlin’s Pizzeria: Magic in Every Bite (More than Mushrooms)

  1. Laugh out loud funny, Charles. I have a question on the laser beams. Jalapenos– Laser beams can be emitted from any orifice and it will burn. Do the beams burn or do the orifices?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love it. I got an ear worm in my head about “Go Ask Alice,” when I read the mushroom version.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. L. Marie says:

    Hilarious! And as a Chicagoan, I feel obligated to sneer at the last one. 😁 😆
    I’ll take a Sicilian to go, please.

    Like

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