(Originally posted on April 13, 2016.)

Assassins Creed

1. Every article of clothing that you own has a hidden weapon.  This makes doing laundry very difficult and it is not uncommon for a knife to get stuck in the lint trap.  Let’s not even get into the challenge of removing blood from silk.
2. You don’t remember the last time your phone rang and it wasn’t a gravel-voiced man with a request or sultry femme fatale.  There was that elderly librarian calling about a late fee, but that was for one of your aliases.  So it doesn’t count.  Especially since you’re pretty sure that persona died in a bus accident.
3. You only have two modes: charming and cold.  There is nothing in the middle and you switch so easily that you aren’t sure which one is the real you.  One time you tried to be friendly and it resulted in 17 deaths, 3 collapsed buildings, and a cruise liner getting launched into the Statue of Liberty.
4. Before you took on your current line of work, you were in some kind of special forces where you learned all of your skills.  There’s no telling what those skills are until you need them.  In fact, you have no idea how you mastered so many things before the your twenty-fifth birthday.
5. Every time you get into a car, it turns into a destructive chase.  This is why you walk to get your groceries, which still has the occasional gunfight in the produce aisle.  For some odd reason, you’re never arrested even though you’re caught on camera.  The few times cops get involved, they give up after a lengthy chase and forget you ever existed.
6. If you go a week without leaping off a high ledge into water, staring through a sniper scope, or jumping through a window then you don’t know what you’re doing with your life.
7. You’ve been to every vacation hot spot, but you have no photos or souvenirs from them.  Not even wanted posters because those mean you aren’t good at your job.