I have no writing news because this past week was rough.  I feel like I said that last weekend, but it stands again.  The stress was high and the fatigue was higher, so I’m just resting up this weekend.

Why was this week trying to kill me?  Because it’s nearing the end of the quarter, so work is very busy.  Needed to do a lot of juggling and didn’t have much time to gather my thoughts until I left.  Of course, I would then come home to all of the schoolwork my son had since he’s nearing the end of the quarter too.  Add in his chorus concert and last weekend having a ton of unexpected assignments.  I’m genuinely surprised that I didn’t collapse in a hallway.

My appetite was small except for Wednesday night, so I guess the stress was putting me in survival mode.  I’m still twitchy too.  That’s why I did all of my coursework last night.  I need a weekend where I don’t have anything heavy to worry about.  Just a little character designing, April blog post prep, video games, and television.  Nothing more than gathering my energy for the last week of the quarter.  I might print out Slumberlord Chronicles: Darwin & the Fate Bracelet too.  Not that I’ll have any time to edit until the following week if then.  Might be nice to simply have a manuscript nearby for comfort.

Not being able to write even a little really got to me.  It’s still getting to me since I have no projects in the fire.  Do I Need to Use a Dragon? (Fantasy Writing Tips) is on the way to get art, but that won’t be ready until the fall or winter.  I’m fine with that.  My plan was to write and get things ready for next year.  Yet, I see no sales have happened in a month.  War of Nytefall: Eulogy only sold 6 copies, which is much less than the amount of people who told me they bought a copy.  At this point, I know some are lying and I have no audience.  I can’t afford promos and have no author group or the time to join one.  All dreams and aspirations in this arena have been sealed away because I’ve just entered survival mode:

Don’t starve.  Keep clean.  Take care of son.  Make money.  Stay alive.

There aren’t many other urges in me lately and I don’t know how much longer that’s going to go on for.  It makes me irritable and numb at the same time.  Especially after knowing a few of the things that brought me to this point happened behind my back and beyond my control.  This is why positive platitudes and suggestions set me off too.  I’m not in any position to just change course because jettisoning my stressors means sacrificing other things that are important to me.  I can’t be selfish if it results in causing another type of pain.  Of course, there’s no sense of understanding around me, so I’m getting the platitudes and lectures from every corner.

This is why I’m using my weekends to recover.  The course I’m taking takes up some time, but not enough that I can’t veg.  Maybe I’ll finish the rest of the Phi Beta rivals or just play more Pirate Warriors 3.  At the very least, I’ll get through the rest of ‘What We Do in the Shadows’.  I’m enjoying that more than expected.  I’ll grab another small anime after that like ‘Afro Samurai’ since I never say all 6 episodes.  I mean, it’s Samuel L. Jackson voicing a samurai, which was cool when I first saw parts of it.  Can’t go wrong there.

By my estimate, I have to make it 3 weeks.  Next week is the last of the quarter and then a busy weekend.  Then, it’s the first week of a new quarter with a day off and meetings.  After that, I have a full week, but an important meeting.  Then, I’ve got no other heavy things until March, which starts the 6.5 weeks without a break.  That might be my editing time and I’ll use the February break to fine tune the next two Slumberlord outlines.  If that can even be done since Darwin is so much of an x-factor that my plans fall apart once he takes action.  I’m trying so hard to be happy and optimistic here, but the other books just dying and failing has me cynical.  Scared to even try to find beta readers due to Darwin’s methods too.  I doubt everything I imagine now.

Need to find a way to relax today, so I’ll bring this pity party to an end.  Maybe next weekend will be more upbeat, but I’m not holding my breath.  I’m in for a rough week and a busy weekend.

Goals of the week:

1. Parenting
2. Sleeping
3. Working
4. Staying warm
5. Tinkering
6. Coursework
7. Figure out a Sunday post for the 30th