Do you know when the last time I wrote anything new was?
Raven’s Dawn in July.
I don’t even know if I can truly count that since it was the finale of a blog story that I never had that much faith in. The last time I wrote anything new and central to my heart was War of Nytefall: Rivalry in June. That’s 2018 and I haven’t been able to muster the time and ability to do anything since then. For someone who hasn’t had crippling writer’s block before, this is disconcerting. I’ve had challenges that I would be able to think through, but this is the first time I’ve hit a point where I can only stare at the page or became too anxious to even get that far. I’m going to change from disconcerting to frustrating. It’s like I’m stuck in a body that won’t work or I’ve got an ice pick in my brain that I can’t get out.
Many people have given advice, which usually boils down to ‘give it time and this shall pass’. The thing is that the situations that have caused this are still going on and might not finish until the summer if even then. Since I plan on working during the summer too, I wouldn’t get another shot to write until the Fall. Besides, I’ve given this issue 6 months of waiting and I’ve shed plenty of tears about it. Working as a TA has helped immensely with my confidence and making me feel alive. I love this job and keep looking for ways to reach the next level. One year of a experience and I can be a TA Level 3. There might be a pathway to a teacher’s certificate using the Educator Preparation program I completed in Florida, which means I can be a substitute as well. At the very least, it can help me find an online only Masters program that I can do throughout the next 2-4 years. All of this takes work, but I’ll admit that I miss writing. A lot even if it’s not going to be the career. So, where has waiting gotten me?
Nowhere. Sorry to everyone who told me to be patient, but it feels like waiting is only going to make this worse. My situation hasn’t improved outside of working, but I need to get that other side of me back. Been keeping a notebook in my satchel that I haven’t been able to pull out more than once and I didn’t get very far. That means I need to hook my imagination up to a car battery and give it some violent jolts. It might be a clunky start and editing War of Nytefall: Rivalry took some rust off, but not enough to shake everything loose. I have that project moving along with the blurbs done and cover art getting started. All of the hype blurbs going up to April 5th have been scheduled as well. That means I need to look at the future the same way I’m doing with teaching. It doesn’t matter if my books take off like a rocket anymore. I just want to write them and put them out there. Well, I still want to make enough money to pay the cellphone bill every month, which is going to be a strange transition.
NORMAL LIFE STUFF AHEAD! My week began with my phone dying and forcing me to get another one. This thing is bigger than my last one and can’t fit in the side pockets of my messenger bag/satchel. I don’t know where to get another one too because this was bought at an anime store. Yeah, I’m a teacher, but I’d like to get one that has some type of character or image on it. The problem is that there are no stores that I can think of that would sell such a thing. Amazon is a risk because I can’t get a good idea of the size to carry all the things I have. Rather not go for a backpack since that makes me look far too much like a student and I can’t access it on the move. Tried ‘Hot Topic’ and ‘Spencers Gifts’ at the mall on a whim, but got nowhere. Maybe Barnes & Nobles since they have manga there? Anybody know of a place?
This coming week should be a little easier than the previous one, but then comes a 3-day weekend and midterms week. I have to find out what I’m going to do during those days since my lack of a teaching certificate might mean that I can’t proctor tests. Although, I don’t know if TA’s do that anyway. This is another big reason I want that certification because I want to help out more. Once the student I help is done with the test and heading home, I need to be somewhere. I’m sure to find out next week since I plan on asking. Guess I got back to the teaching thing.
Unfortunately, my blog wandering has really stalled out. I have 30 minutes in the morning to get blog, twitter, and email done or I won’t get to it again until maybe noon or, most likely, 3PM. That’s if I don’t have anything else. So, I’ve been trying to do my best and share promos that I find. Have to admit that I’m drawn more to catchy titles and posts that aren’t reblogs. I’m on my phone too, so it’s hard to read long posts . . . He says while writing one. Let’s get on to the goals:
- Start watching ‘Daredevil’ on Netflix. Had 5 people tell me that I really should, so I can take the universal hint. My main goal got a little wrecked anyway.
- Write an outline for War of Nytefall: Eradication. I was going to start writing this book, but then I read the outline. Not sure what I was thinking and I can’t figure out where all of the extra notes go. This requires a rewrite, which will take at least today once I finish errands.
- Relax a bit more and try to get more sleep.
- Settle into an evening biking schedule.
- Possibly write a few scenes of War of Nytefall: Eradication
- Need to buy some more work shoes.
- Stop writing this post and get ready for my son’s gymnastics show in an hour.