Do you know when the last time I wrote anything new was?
Raven’s Dawn in July.
I don’t even know if I can truly count that since it was the finale of a blog story that I never had that much faith in. The last time I wrote anything new and central to my heart was War of Nytefall: Rivalry in June. That’s 2018 and I haven’t been able to muster the time and ability to do anything since then. For someone who hasn’t had crippling writer’s block before, this is disconcerting. I’ve had challenges that I would be able to think through, but this is the first time I’ve hit a point where I can only stare at the page or became too anxious to even get that far. I’m going to change from disconcerting to frustrating. It’s like I’m stuck in a body that won’t work or I’ve got an ice pick in my brain that I can’t get out.
Many people have given advice, which usually boils down to ‘give it time and this shall pass’. The thing is that the situations that have caused this are still going on and might not finish until the summer if even then. Since I plan on working during the summer too, I wouldn’t get another shot to write until the Fall. Besides, I’ve given this issue 6 months of waiting and I’ve shed plenty of tears about it. Working as a TA has helped immensely with my confidence and making me feel alive. I love this job and keep looking for ways to reach the next level. One year of a experience and I can be a TA Level 3. There might be a pathway to a teacher’s certificate using the Educator Preparation program I completed in Florida, which means I can be a substitute as well. At the very least, it can help me find an online only Masters program that I can do throughout the next 2-4 years. All of this takes work, but I’ll admit that I miss writing. A lot even if it’s not going to be the career. So, where has waiting gotten me?
Nowhere. Sorry to everyone who told me to be patient, but it feels like waiting is only going to make this worse. My situation hasn’t improved outside of working, but I need to get that other side of me back. Been keeping a notebook in my satchel that I haven’t been able to pull out more than once and I didn’t get very far. That means I need to hook my imagination up to a car battery and give it some violent jolts. It might be a clunky start and editing War of Nytefall: Rivalry took some rust off, but not enough to shake everything loose. I have that project moving along with the blurbs done and cover art getting started. All of the hype blurbs going up to April 5th have been scheduled as well. That means I need to look at the future the same way I’m doing with teaching. It doesn’t matter if my books take off like a rocket anymore. I just want to write them and put them out there. Well, I still want to make enough money to pay the cellphone bill every month, which is going to be a strange transition.
NORMAL LIFE STUFF AHEAD! My week began with my phone dying and forcing me to get another one. This thing is bigger than my last one and can’t fit in the side pockets of my messenger bag/satchel. I don’t know where to get another one too because this was bought at an anime store. Yeah, I’m a teacher, but I’d like to get one that has some type of character or image on it. The problem is that there are no stores that I can think of that would sell such a thing. Amazon is a risk because I can’t get a good idea of the size to carry all the things I have. Rather not go for a backpack since that makes me look far too much like a student and I can’t access it on the move. Tried ‘Hot Topic’ and ‘Spencers Gifts’ at the mall on a whim, but got nowhere. Maybe Barnes & Nobles since they have manga there? Anybody know of a place?
This coming week should be a little easier than the previous one, but then comes a 3-day weekend and midterms week. I have to find out what I’m going to do during those days since my lack of a teaching certificate might mean that I can’t proctor tests. Although, I don’t know if TA’s do that anyway. This is another big reason I want that certification because I want to help out more. Once the student I help is done with the test and heading home, I need to be somewhere. I’m sure to find out next week since I plan on asking. Guess I got back to the teaching thing.
Unfortunately, my blog wandering has really stalled out. I have 30 minutes in the morning to get blog, twitter, and email done or I won’t get to it again until maybe noon or, most likely, 3PM. That’s if I don’t have anything else. So, I’ve been trying to do my best and share promos that I find. Have to admit that I’m drawn more to catchy titles and posts that aren’t reblogs. I’m on my phone too, so it’s hard to read long posts . . . He says while writing one. Let’s get on to the goals:
- Start watching ‘Daredevil’ on Netflix. Had 5 people tell me that I really should, so I can take the universal hint. My main goal got a little wrecked anyway.
- Write an outline for War of Nytefall: Eradication. I was going to start writing this book, but then I read the outline. Not sure what I was thinking and I can’t figure out where all of the extra notes go. This requires a rewrite, which will take at least today once I finish errands.
- Relax a bit more and try to get more sleep.
- Settle into an evening biking schedule.
- Possibly write a few scenes of War of Nytefall: Eradication
- Need to buy some more work shoes.
- Stop writing this post and get ready for my son’s gymnastics show in an hour.
Legends of Windemere 
Looks like the willpower is there to me. You’ll find a way. I’ve take longer breaks, so don’t panic just yet.
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Pretty sure I’ve panicked several times, but I’ll try to avoid another round. Thanks.
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A full time job and writing and parenting means there is never enough time.
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Definitely.
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FYI that if you get your Masters and become a lead teacher, your workload goes home with you.
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I know. That’s crossed my mind, but I have years to decide. The rest of my situation might settle by then. It can help me be a sub too.
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That’s the way to think and plan!
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For what it is worth you might try doing a couple of low risk prompts to prime the pump.
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I considered that, but I can never guarantee that I’ll have any time during the day. This is why I schedule stuff so far in advance. Might do a few off-line though. Thanks.
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Stick to 100 words. Teases the mind.
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Though I’m one of the people who said to give it time… And I would still give that advice… I’m glad you’re looking at ways to get back in the writing saddle, as you put it. Congratulations on getting to the point where you’re ready to try and face your writing again.
No matter your circumstances, there never seems to be enough time to fit everything in. So, just do your best. Good luck with your goals for the coming week. Hope your son’s gymnastics thing goes well (or went well, since it will probably be over by the time you see this comment, I would think).
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This weekend might just be outline fixing though. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. Thanks.
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Remember that you can get a ton done in 10 minute breaks! Life is busy and sometimes it steamrolls us all, but one thing I learned when my through cancer treatment with my wife was that even 10 minutes in a waiting room could see a few hundred words! Life brings stress and lack of time is always an issue, but don’t get hung up on the little things. You’ve got this! And I agree with John, find some inspiring prompts and write a few flash pieces just to get back into the swing of things! This year I took on a crazy challenge of writing a flash fiction every day, I’ve missed one, due to being sick. But I have learned so much already, not to mention I’ve already been published once thanks to my flash fiction and I’m submitting more in the next month!
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I’ve tried that, but 10 minute breaks don’t get me very far in terms of writing. Not even a few hundred words because I’m very cautious and careful during a first draft. Also, I need to be in the right mindset, which is low stress and that hasn’t happened in a while. Like I said, there are some things going on that I can’t mention here that are causing a lot of mental trouble. So, it’s not as simple as just finding time. Peace of mind is horribly lacking.
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I understand, because peace of mind was something I didn’t have going through cancer treatment and then my wife’s death, but they also can be learning experiences. I did a lot of free writing during that as well, remember to be gentle with yourself! The words will come, but maybe you need to find a new writing routine? Sometimes what has always worked before is no longer feasible so we find new ways. You will find it! In the mean time remember to be gentle with yourself, and that will help reduce your stress. And hey, maybe some freewriting may just bet you some ideas to try or ways to help ease your mind.
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That’s the thing. I don’t have a routine. The old one was trashed and can’t be recovered, but my current situation prevents me from making a new one. It’s been that way for months. Honestly, I can’t really free write because I have nothing. Working off an idea I’ve had outlined at least gives me focus and distracts from what’s going on. Again, it’s really hard to explain since I can’t talk publicly about the situation.
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Well then take that outline and work with it. And always remember to be gentle with yourself. You know what is going on, and you can help yourself by remembering to give yourself the room and time you need to find that new routine. I’m a firm believer in writing through everything, it may be crap, some of the worst you’ve ever written, but trying new things is key to finding possibilities. And hey, this writing thing is hard at the best of times! You are not alone, life doesn’t discriminate, it likes to hammer us all, but we are here for you and hey if you need ideas or want to brainstorm or try new things, I’m always up for it!
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Thanks. I’ll consider throwing stuff out when I have anything. The overall well is still kind of dry, which is why I think I need a focused jumpstart that lasts for a few hours. Ending with crap might hurt more too, so I’m being a little careful.
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Just remember that you can’t edit a blank page and that any words are good words because they are more than you had! Take on the NaNoWriMo mindset… Words, any words, are good words. I personally end up rewriting my stuff more than 30 times, but I am a bit different than most writers. I am a builder. I add more details, more words, each time through.
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I can’t. Sorry, but that’s never been me. I don’t mind editing, but I hate the idea of having to rewrite something from the ground up. That’s just not who I am at the core.
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Charles, you sound busy in many directions! The way will straighten up over time! You have good thoughts about where you are and where you’re going! Keep that up! 📚🎶Christine
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Thanks.
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I don’t think you should wait and it will pass. 😀 I do think you ought to not beat yourself up. You have a full plate, you know.
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Thanks. Though the beating up is hard to avoid these days.
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And my encouragement hardly stays your hand, I’m sure.
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Yeah. Thinking of making a post about the situation without mentioning the situation. Feels like I’m losing traffic over this mess.
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You’re not. You ARE making us all suspect you’ve finally gotten caught for tax evasion… 😉
I wouldn’t, unless you feel it’s necessary.
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I wish it was tax evasion. Think that would be less stressful and kinder to the psyche. 😀
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I’m sorry that life is so hard. I don’t have any advice. The last thing you need is more advice that doesn’t really change your situation. Just know that everyone here believes that you can make it through this.
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Thanks. I really do feel bad that I can’t say more though. Feels like my silence has cost me on the blog.
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If you’ve worked a lot on a routine, ie: you write at a certain time daily, but then find you are stressed or suddenly choke, what works for me is to write one sentence. Even if you think it’s stupid, it gives you something to work on.
For me, sometimes, I have to get that one sentence down and then the next sentence will come. Kind of like when a magician pulls a scarf out of his hat and then another one is attached?
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I’ve tried it a few times. That first sentence just doesn’t come. Too much anxiety and stress in the moment. With any luck, I’ll have this outline done and can do a big attempt next weekend.
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Reblogged this on Loleta Abi.
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Thanks. 😁
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I took years off, Charles. I was in a dark point in my life after years of abuse and it was all I could do to get out of bed in the morning. I started with journaling and that led to short stories and then back to longer works. It was something that brought me back to life. The more I wrote, the more I felt myself again. That was 2009. I haven’t had any publications yet but I’m working on that. And if not, I may try Indie. I’d like an audience for my work and the confidence is there–until I hit the “send” button. It’s like that even when I do blogs, but I do it, hoping others will read my regular posts. Right now though, I get more hits on the reblogs than anything I post myself. That discourages me.
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Hope you can get to publishing one day. Hitting send or publish is always nerve wracking.
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Thank you, Charles!
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