A Week of Life Where I Didn’t Really Do Much

First, check out the first review of War of Nytefall: Lost by N.N. Light.  Thank you for the kind words.  They were a great way to end the week.

Guess I’ll start with an update to the Teaching Assistant path.  I’ve submitted to several jobs, but have been told that I can’t really be considered until I get the certification.  It’s another week before the test is processed and the transcripts will take 4-8 weeks because bureaucracy is challenging in both practice and spelling.  That means I’m probably sitting on my butt for October unless I hear back about the monitor job.  It’s not a full day position, but it’s something that will put me in the school system.  I did a few monitoring shifts as a substitute and they were a lot of fun.  Just watching the kids have fun brought a smile to my face.  Was more enjoyable than the times I stayed in the classroom alone with nothing to do because I wasn’t allowed to leave.  Eh, that was the past and Florida.  I’m anxious to work now.

One reason that I keep saying I’ll be sitting on my butt is because I still can’t get the author mojo to work.  I completed all of the posts for December, but that took a lot longer than it usually would.  Don’t trust myself with attempting a new book even though 4 weeks is what it would take for me to do it.  If I can get any energy back then maybe I can start on the next Ichabod Brooks collection, but I’m not holding my breath.  The fear of people getting angry at me for writing is still strong.  I know it’s hard for everyone to understand since I can’t go into the details, but there’s a lot of anxiety surrounding my writing right now.  Even when writing a post that has all of my characters talk about the holidays, I got nervous and wasn’t sure if I got their voices right.  I don’t hear them when I daydream or go to bed either.  All I get is stress and worry revolving around what I’m dealing with at this time.  So, a new project might be tossing something important into the abyss instead of being productive.

That really only leaves me with Derailing Bedlam, which needs edits before I start putting it up on the blog starting in November.  Part of me feels bad about doing this to Cassidy and Lloyd, but I want the finished story to see the light of day.  I’ve played with the idea of doing a collection of Crossing, Chasing, and Derailing way down the road.  Maybe write up a 4th to put at the end to make it worthwhile.  Again, the issue is money, time, and if people are really interested.  I’ve noticed many times that I get a lot of praise for the ideas on my blog and excitement about a release, but that doesn’t transfer to sales.  This makes it very difficult to know what to do for future releases or to even continue with some ideas.  ‘Bedlam’ has never sold well, but people love Lloyd on the blog.  How am I supposed to play to that besides putting it on the blog?

The coming week is going to be busy too.  School is out on Monday and Tuesday will be filled with a few errands.  It will also be the start of me getting the house to myself during the day for about a month.  Being left with my own thoughts is fairly dangerous now.  In the past, I could buckle in for some great writing time.  Maybe even editing, which I could do here with Derailing Bedlam and War of Nytefall: Rivalry.  These days, I’m more prone to sit on the couch and overthink my life until it’s nearly evening.  We’ll see what happens here.  Thursday is my wife’s birthday too, so we’re spending that day seeing ‘Venom’ and having lunch.  At least, that’s what I think is happening, but I can never tell these days.

Sadly, that’s really all I have to talk about.  I wish I had new ideas that were coming to me and I could share them.  The well isn’t so much dry, but it’s definitely been boarded up for now.  I keep coming back to this, but I’ve been trying to revive my imagination and I’m not getting anywhere.  Things keep happening on that personal life front that continues to knock me down.  In fact, there have been points this week where I simply felt like giving up on a few things.  When you’re the only person fighting for something for so long, it feels like the target is impossible.  Humans are social animals and we don’t function very well when we feel like we’ve been ostracized and hated.

What are the goals?

  1. Finish reading ‘Bleach’.
  2. Start reading ‘Ghost in the Shell’.
  3. Possibly begin editing Derailing Bedlam.
  4. Cooking and cleaning.
  5. Watch a little more ‘Naruto’.
  6. Wife’s birthday celebration complete with present surprises.
  7. Start playing ‘Lego Star Wars II’ with son since he earned it by facing some of his fears.
  8. Submit to more TA jobs.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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29 Responses to A Week of Life Where I Didn’t Really Do Much

  1. I like #7. What should you earn by facing a few fears yourself? You’re making some huge changes in your world, and might deserve a bit of a reward too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. L. Marie says:

    I agree with the above comments. Hoping for the best for you.

    Like

  3. C.E.Robinson says:

    Charles, just keep going forward with what you can do within your control. You matter! The boarded up well still has water. Good thoughts for TA news. 🎶📚 Christine

    Like

  4. Best wishes for the birthday.

    Like

  5. Good luck with everything this next week and look at the bright side: things could always be worse, at least you didn’t break your arm this week. 🙂

    Like

  6. Not sure if anyone else said this, since I didn’t read the comments properly today, and I know this probably doesn’t help much anyway, but you do have a valid counter argument to those people who complain if you’re writing. Just point out that you’re waiting on replies about potential jobs, have to waitfor your certificates or whatever, and have some free time while you do so, so thought you’d do a bit of writing or editing (or whatever you decide to do).

    If you can just relax for a while, so you can come to terms with the changes in your life in your own mind, I’m sure the writing will flow easily again. Trouble is, that’s not an easy thing to have hapen, especially if I’m understanding your situation right.

    Like

    • I could try that. Another issue is just that my stress is so high that I can’t focus enough to write. The overall situation is like a boulder sitting on my head because the changes are still happening. Sort of. Without going into details, my life can go in different directions and I’m not the one who makes the final decision. So, I’m stuck not knowing what will make things better or worse.

      Like

  7. Jennie says:

    I think you’ll love teaching. More importantly, the kids will love you.

    Like

  8. mothertherealist says:

    I agree with your ending statement. Personal connection is an idea many people are trying to numb and hide away from and distract with apps and online popularity.
    I wish you well in your writing (and that your writing well will not be boarded).

    Like

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