Decided to take part of a fight from Crossing Bedlam and share. It’s lengthy, but I couldn’t resist putting a lot of the jokes in here. Mostly Lloyd at the end and the announcer. Now for the appropriate music:
Giving up on finding clothes, Cassidy thanks the store owner for letting them browse and heads for a nearby weapon shop. Everything is said to be locally made, the quality of some items better than others. A collection of swords is nearly a timeline of the creator’s training with the ones in the back looking pitiful. Knowing that she has knives in the jeep, Cassidy figures the coin would be wasted in here. Returning to the street, she finds Lloyd chatting with a man wearing a sign board instead of clothing. The advertisement is for a nearby restaurant that boasts about having the best chicken wings in Battle Mountain. Cassidy smirks at the cartoon of a flaming chicken extending two middle fingers above its head.
The crackle of a microphone erupts over the loudspeakers that are hidden around the resort, the noise making everyone cringe. An unnerving silence falls over the area and people hurry to stay out of the middle of the street. Lloyd stands his ground and excitedly bounces on his toes like he is jumping rope. Not wanting trouble, Cassidy heads for the nearest doorway with the intention of watching what happens. The pointing of the crowd brings her attention to a lamppost, giving her enough time to leap away from an incoming bullwhip. Perched on the iron pole is one of the champion groupies, who is now dressed in spandex shorts and a belly-baring top.
“Time for a spontaneous public match!” an announcer screams over the loudspeaker. The crowd cheers while Cassidy dodges another blow of the whip. “Today we have an exciting one-on-one treat. That means the man in orange pants has to stay out of this. Our combatants are the always popular Dinah and the newest female fighter, Cassidy. Nobody knows what this mysterious blonde can do, but she came with a jeep full of weapons. Let’s see how she does with her fists!”
“A warning would have been fucking nice!” Cassidy shouts, causing parents to cover their children’s ears. She backs away from her opponent and tries to see if there is a way to get around the whip. “Why would you even have a fight like this? Who could possibly be . . . All this fucking cameras. I’m going to wring that man’s neck for doing this to me.”
“A warrior always has to be ready for battle,” Dinah responds, the brunette switching heads before attacking. The abrupt change helps her hit Cassidy’s thigh, the blow leaving a bleeding welt beneath the woman’s jeans. “I need one more win to get the next level. Not a big fan of taking on a newbie, but I’m impatient. Besides, you look like somebody who can give me a decent challenge.”
Cassidy keeps moving until she is used to the pain in her leg and dodges another crack of the whip. Seeing an opening, she stomps on the weapon and pins it to the ground. She is unable to take advantage of the situation because Lloyd throws a live snake to his friend. The serpent wraps around her neck for a brief moment, letting go when she stumbles away. Not wanting to hurt the animal, Cassidy hands it to the nearest spectator who holds it up like a souvenir. With a glare aimed at her friend, the blonde ducks the whip and charges only to get caught by the shirt and flipped.
“Sorry about that! Thought you could scare her with it!” Lloyd shouts before sliding a pair of glasses to his friend. He tosses a set of vampire fangs as well, but they are grabbed by the wind and tossed into a fountain. “Put on the glasses and look for a green orb. That’s the only way to get the good ending!”
“What’s wrong with him?” Dinah asks, grabbing her opponent by the hair. She struggles to get a solid grip, which gives the announcers time to talk about her previous victories. “Seriously, your friend is singing about whipping things and gyrating his hips. It’s creeping me out. Is he brain damaged?”
“I haven’t figure that out yet,” Cassidy replies, rearing back with both feet to knock the woman away. She is yanked onto her back by her hair, but rolls over and charges to deliver a sloppy tackle. “Whip isn’t any good if I’m this close.”
Dinah screams in the blonde’s ear before releasing her grip and wrapping her weapon around the other woman’s neck. Cassidy is helpless as she is rolled over and dragged to her feet for a flip that she jumps with to avoid getting strangled. It is pure luck that she blocks the knee heading for her stomach, but she is unable to get out of the whip. Stumbling and leading her opponent around the street, Cassidy is about to black out when she bangs against a fountain shaped like an ancient gladiator. Out of desperation, she falls backwards and tries to slam Dinah’s head against the marble figure. Her head is going underwater when she hears the woman yelp in surprise and the whip is released. Scrambling out of the fountain, Cassidy gasps for air and tosses the weapon over her shoulder. She watches her opponent rub at her eye, which is already becoming swollen and ugly.
“And the fan favorite takes a stone penis to the face,” the announcer says to get a laugh from the crowd. He clears his throat when the fighter looks at the nearest camera and runs her finger across her throat. “Sorry. It looks like Cassidy won’t go down without a fight. Dinah may have to swallow her pride and get dirty here. Without her signature weapon, she’s going to have a hard time getting a handle on her spirited opponent.”
“Does he realize what he’s saying?” Cassidy asks, tying her hair up while sidestepping Dinah’s charge. She curses under her breath with the brunette recovers the whip. “Not much without that thing. Guess I’ll have to start using weapons too.”
“I doubt you’re hiding anything worthwhile,” Dinah replies, cracking the whip in the air to the cheer of the crowd. She moves with the blonde to make sure the woman remains on the side of her good eye. “This is only your first match. No harm in surrendering and learning from your mistakes. A loss doesn’t cost you anything. Just goes on your record and means it will take longer to get to the next level.”
“Don’t do it!” Lloyd exclaims from the sideline. He grins when the combatants look at him, both expecting something odd to come out of his mouth. “I was going to say that a loss would delay us. Okay, I was really going to say that I have more whip-based jokes and references to make. Hey, lady, can you talk in a Russian accent for a little?”
“Seriously, what asylum did you-”