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Welcome to my unique little corner of the shopping mall. Don’t mind the cobwebs because they’re fake. We just had a little Halloween party. I know it’s September, but if Christmas can start around Labor Day then so can we. Now, what kind of gum are you looking for? We have hundreds of flavors and effects in stock, so take your time and look around.
I see you’re eyeing our Mind Share brand. A fun trick created by the telepathic goblins of the Crusty Coastline. Don’t let the name fool you. It’s nowhere near the ocean. Anyway, you take one of the sticks and split it down the middle. You’ll see that there’s a perforation between the gold and blue sides. The colors mean nothing besides taste, which is blueberry and jagermeister. Once you two start chewing, you can speak with your minds and see through the others eyes. The effect lasts only as long as you’re both chewing, but it’s a fun way to communicate over distances.
If you’re not sure about a flavor then we have these Fill Ins. Good for pranks too. The gum is white and resembles a blank fortune cookie slip. You write down what you want it to taste like and wait a minute for the magic to work. Then enjoy. I should warn you about these. Writing too many flavors on them will cause a gastric backlash. Also, certain things are not possible due to health concerns. If it’s a taste that is associated with something toxic or . . . basically, you cannot make it poo-flavored.
Now if you have any food allergies then this area might interest you. This is where we keep our ‘Life Improving’ gums, which go way beyond kicking a smoking habit. Some of these can be chewed while ingesting a food you are allergic to. The juice from the gum negates the reaction. It’s important to remember that you need to start chewing less than a minute before eating and the gum must be swallowed to continue the effect through digestion.
Those are only a fraction of what we have. There are Daredevil Brands that always change level of spiciness or flavor. We have Bubble Breath Makers that are perfect for children during the summer. Cooling types, heating types, electric crackling types, voice changing types, and the list keeps going. If need be, we can make a special order. You might even get a gum named after you if you come up with something unique. So, what did you have in mind?
Gums with baseball cards . . . Try the 7-11 down the block, kid.
Legends of Windemere 
Love the choice of gum! Would love some of the Mind Share and Life Improving gum. Is there any Instant Weight Loss gum?
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Yes, but you’ll have to chew a piece every day for it to keep working. If you still exercise and eat healthy then the effects will stick longer.
Personally, I need some Good Luck Gum.
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I was afraid of that. 🙂
Yeah, I’m sure we could all use that kind of gum.
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Have only a few more hours before I have to make a decision on something too. I’ll either be releasing the new book and the special project overnight or only the special. Hoping for the former.
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I need a big bag of the Fill-ins gum, please. You didn’t mention the price.
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We make it a point to discuss price later and in private. Everything is negotiable. Though it’s usually 4 pieces for $1.
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Whoa. Reasonable
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Also no refunds unless long term bodily harm has occurred.
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I have this limp. Does it count?
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We’ll have to check. You’d be surprised how many people bump their knees on the table.
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Fun post Charles, I really liked it. As far as gum flavor goes, I’ll take some Key Lime please. 🙂
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Good choice. 🙂
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JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY! I’ll have them all!
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I sense we’ll need to set up an account for you.
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GIMME GIMME GIMME !!
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They should have anesthetic ones for dental offices. Much better than injections!
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Maybe something to chew for a few minutes before the surgery or whatever is done. Or one that dissolves.
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