‘Death’ of Wolverine
Welcome to Death’s Revolving Door Depot where we have all of your character death needs. We carry everything from permanent death packages to temporary death packages to our ‘I Swear This Will Stick’ package. A few companies that wish to remain nameless have that last option on automatic renewal. So, what kind of story are you writing and what’s the medium?
A novelist with a lot of resurrection? Are we talking actual resurrection or reincarnation? I ask because the later is a different store. We supply what you need for a character that is either dead or missing while presumed dead. Interesting because books don’t do this kind of thing very often. You get a lot of missing characters, but never in a way that allows for a funeral. Just write down the particulars and we’ll see what fits.
Okay. You have a single character that dies multiple dies and returns throughout the series. I see you have him down for disintegration, beheading, mauled to death by were-hamsters, and a few undecided demises. Each time this person returns, they come back stronger. I recommend our Jean Grey package. You get up to 20 deaths for one character and 4 funerals. You will need a new coffin for each one, but we have hundreds of styles. Personally, I recommend the ones that open from the inside and release the character’s favorite scent upon release. I should point out that cremation is not covered by this unless you’ve established the character as a phoenix. If you don’t understand then I suggest you look up the package’s namesake.
You have another multi-death character? Two that repeatedly die at the same time? I’m almost scared to ask what you’re writing. Well, a fantasy adventure that spans centuries does make sense. Though why would you need our services if your characters are immortals? Not that I’m upset about the business. Oh, they aren’t those kinds of immortals. In that case, we have a Nemesis package that we can alter to work with your story. Typically, you get two funeral setups, which is one for each side of the rivalry. In this case, I’m willing to make it three funerals that always run in conjunction with each other. Any more than that and you’ll be charged extra.
Okay, now this thing here loses me. It sounds like you’re going to wipe out an entire town and resurrect everyone a few chapters later. Not as zombies or with any negative side-effects. Also you’re having the heroes give everyone a real burial. Do you have any idea how much this would cost? Not to mention how little sense it makes in terms of story and severity of character actions. So this is really what you want. You’re not paying for this with money you personally earned, right? Just wondering that and where I feel like retiring to . . . next week.
Legends of Windemere 
Well said sir.
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Got away from Delvin, huh? 😛
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Mauled to death by were-hamsters has to be an awful way to go… 😀
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Just pray they don’t stuff you in their cheek pockets. Terrifying experience.
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Oh, the humanity!
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Mmmmm humanity. Goes great with ketchup and box wine. 😛
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A nice Chianti, perhaps?
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Only for those highbrow cannibals. I’m more of a lower class type. 🙂
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I doubt that 😀
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Ha ha ha!!! The Jean Grey package! Soooo true! I’m also thinking of the Jason Todd package. 🙂
I’m wondering how I can bring back a character I killed off. Just because someone is stabbed doesn’t necessarily mean he’s really dead. 😀
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Jason only came back once though. I think Jean Grey and Aunt May have the market on resurrection. 🙂 As for your character, it depends on if anyone found the body. You can always have someone new show up with him and say she/he saved him just in time.
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Good idea. I might have to revise that aspect of the story. Bringing him back would be interesting.
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I guess another thing with Jason is that the writer’s didn’t make the final decision to kill him. It was a vote by fans and they wanted him gone. Same thing happened when Lex Luthor won the presidency in the DC Universe. Fans were asked to vote and he got in.
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Love these depots. They take the worry out of plot construction. All you have to do is run to one of Charles’ places and buy your way out of a problem. Like the hero just fell off a sixty story building and all he has with him is his briefcase. How much for a clever life-saving move or failing that for a resurrection?
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$100 for the clever move and the resurrection depends on the story level of the character. Mains are more expensive than minors.
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Sounds reasonable. Would you settle for a percent of the royalties?
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There would have to be a time limit though since that isn’t a dependable income. Basically, after a certain amount of years (like 5-6), we repossess the character and he remains dead in all future editions. 😀
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You know, I recently had to do this very thing. I killed both villains, and then the publisher asked for a sequel. Then I had to figure out how at least one of the villains could have made it through after all. Fun times.
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Do you think it’s easier to revive a hero or a villain? I never really considered the differences between the resurrection of either role.
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