Legends of Windemere

Dragons Crown Characters

(The picture was picked because I found it so weird and bizarre.  I truly have no idea what’s going on there with the body types.  Just plain strange and almost nightmarish.)

With the release of Ichabod Brooks & the City of Beasts, I introduced readers (hopefully I have some of those) to a character who works with rules.  Ichabod has a code that is more about business than adventuring, but it gets him through his job.  This has made me think about the various games I’ve been in and how adventuring works in fantasy.  So here are some fun pieces of advice:

1. DO remember to bring rope. You never know when you’ll need it and it’s very versatile.  Maybe you need to make a snare to catch a rabbit.  Maybe you need to hogtie a goblin and get information about a lost treasure. Perhaps the female Paladin you have your eye on has that kind of fetish.  Rope is an adventurers friend.
2. DO NOT forget to pack clothes.  Of course the Dungeonmaster says it’s fine to save money and travel lightly.  He/she doesn’t care and already sees the ‘public exposure’ storyline forming.  So unless you’re character is a nudist, at least pack some pants.
3. DO be careful with your spells.  Yes, you!  Being a fount of destructive energy is great and helps your friends win battles.  But those fireballs are pretty big and the warrior in group is already in the fray.  So try to aim the thing to only hit the bad guys.  Unless you have no attachment to the warrior and are sick of his gloating.  I don’t care how many wenches you can bench press, Kyle!
4. DO NOT pee in the magic wishing well.  Seriously, this is disgusting and whatever spirit is inside will be angry.
5. DO try to remember to bring water into the desert.  There is not an oasis every two miles like the map you bought for ten rubies says.  In fact, you’re looking at the local tavern’s children’s menu.  Everybody should bring at least 4 waterskins to be safe and try to get a camel.
6. DO NOT kill the camel and try to get water out of the hump.  They don’t work that way.
7. DO remember to take care of your weapons and restock ammunition.  Things break and you want to make your gear last as long as possible.  Learn a few basic maintenance skills for the road and make friends with a blacksmith for the discount.  Note: Courting and marrying his daughter for a better discount may result in an end to your adventuring career.
8. DO NOT trust the group thief with the communal funds and magic items.  Sure, he’s kind of honest since he’s upfront about his career.  Yet, you notice he has better gear than everyone and hasn’t paid for a drink in months.  Come to think of it, you’re not sure that bag of sapphires you earned after defeating a vampire troll really fell into the lake. That would explain his new magic boots.
9. DO play nice with others.  These are people who will face danger with you.  A bond will be forged if you let it and not come off as a backstabbing jerk.  Learn to share the loot and credit.  Also try to memorize a list of favorite things in case you do mess up and have to apologize.  Accidents do happen.
10. DO NOT be a jackass to the priestess.  That’s the healer and you’re going to need to be on her good side.  In other words, DO NOT insult her deity, DO NOT ask what she’s wearing under the robe, DO NOT use her holy symbol as a back scratcher, DO NOT steal her holy wine, and whatever else you’re thinking of doing to her.  You just might push her to a point where letting you die is worth the penance she has to do toward her god or goddess.
11. DO remember to tip your bartender.
12. DO NOT assume that all tavern waitresses are horny wenches.  You’re still getting charged for the ale that gets dumped on your head.
13. DO remember to get as much information about your adventure as you can.  Know about the monsters, history, and whatever else you can get before you leave.  Good preparation can be the difference between victory and searching for a priest who knows resurrection, regeneration, and curse removal.
14. DO NOT use smaller adventuring companions as shields or projectiles. The hell is wrong with you?