James Bonds

(I hate ties.  Used to be okay when they were clip-ons.  After that, I didn’t like the sensation of something being tightly wrapped around my neck.  Can’t get used to that feeling at all.  Also, I don’t really care about the origins of the tie.  I’m going to stick with what I made up with here.)

A failure at the noose
Tool of his chosen trade
His victims always lived
To meet a better knotsman

He pondered every night
Ignorant of his mistakes
Believing himself a genius
And the masses merely fools

They did not understand
How silk was better for the throat
Leaving fewer burns
Upon the swinging corpse

His knot was smarter
More efficient than the noose
When time-consuming coils
Though weaker he admits

He countered the problem
By putting knot to throat
Instead of back of neck
To make a breaking twist

Yet his flare was his undoing
With victims falling to the ground
Eyes looking with confusion
When they should have closed for good

The hangman quit
On a sunny day
Filled with a heavy heart
He trudged out to the public

He wished to hang
By his own knot and hand
Dangling from a tree
Dressed in his finest suit

His attempt failed once more
As the branch snapped quick
And he tumbled to the grass
Hearing laughter all the way

The laughter stopped
When he stood once more
People looked at him perplexed
Whispering of his creation

He smiled in wonder
As people ordered his nooses
Calling them the latest craze
The newest style upon the scene

So the tie moved far and wide
As gents believe they’re worth
These failed nooses made of silk
Will strangle men for all eternity