First, I want to share a link to a GoFundMe that my friends are doing. The full story is on the site, but I can sum up. My friends have been trying to have a child and have been met with difficulties. They have learned that the only path they have is surrogacy, but that is expensive. They are already great parents to a little girl and I know they would be amazing to a second child as well. So, I’m going to share their link and see if I can help them achieve their goal. GIVE THE GIFT OF LIFE!
Now, to get into my week . . . What happened?
Last weekend was just fun and relaxing with my son. Pokemon Go, a live-action Asterix & Obelix movie, homework, and there were probably other things done as well. Oh, I made penne with homemade vodka sauce for dinner. We also started watching ‘Ranking of Kings’, so he can write a review for ASL extra credit next quarter. After all that, we entered the week where several tests reared their head. Guess that’s normal for being within 2-3 weeks of the end of the quarter.
I’d love to say that I did some writing, but I didn’t. Got a few December blog posts done when I had time. A lot of it was due to errands and exercising taking up a lot of my evenings. With the CPAP machine requiring at least 4 hours of sleep, I can’t really stay up late. The real goal is at least 7 hours of sleep, which I’ve been trying to hit. That’s not easy when I wake up at 5:30 AM and finally get to sit down around 9:30 PM. That gives me only 30 minutes to relax before I need to turn in. Guess this is my life for a while, but at least I have weekends.
That’s really it. The ‘life event’ is picking up speed and I’m having trouble getting my mind to leave it alone. I’m scared. I’m anxious. I’m worried. This is going to have some major ramifications and I don’t feel like I have any influence over things. Kind of like I’m simply along for the ride with the occasional punch to the face, which I have to accept with a smile or risk getting in trouble. Too dramatic? Maybe, but it’s definitely wearing on me since I don’t like being in situations where I can’t even talk without fearing that it will cause some repercussions. People taking advantage of things and goading me into releasing even a hint of my temper doesn’t help. I’m praying that this week sees a change or an end to the ‘life event’. Time will tell. If I report that I wrote more than a chapter next Saturday then that will be a sign things aren’t too bad.
Writing is the challenge at this point since I’m kind of distracted. I really want to write another chapter of Darwin & the Beast Collector this weekend. It’s 4 sections, which is doable, but I can’t be sure of my mood. I’m having lunch with a friend today, so that might help boost my spirits. If I’m really lucky, I can even start digging into the next chapter, which is another 4 section. Being at the final, action-packed act kind of requires me to be in a solid, focused mindset. The action needs to work and I need to be able to lose myself in the events. Darwin has been let loose too, so I might have to give into his impulsive nature to get through things. It doesn’t help that I’m not sure if all of the pieces are fitting. For one thing, I forgot after the first imp that these things had names and started having them speak again. Oops. Not sure if I should fix that or leave it alone since the ones appearing in the middle were more aggressive and focused on attacking as well as moving quickly. Maybe they simply didn’t have time to talk . . . That could work.
That’s really it for me. I know people don’t really have much to say when I make posts like this. I’m not feeling like I have much control over my own life. At least, other people appear to have more impact and influence than I do. Halloween is coming, which might be entertaining. I don’t have my son for the holiday, so I’m not as excited as I would normally be. Might just stay in my room and write depending on my mood. Really just not feeling much of anything at this moment. Can’t really be surprised given what I’ve had to deal with, especially this week.
Goals of the week:
- Help son study for quarterly tests.
- Write some Darwin & the Beast Collector.
- Lunch with friend.
- Do laundry.
- Get sleep.
- Swallow emotions long enough to make it to next weekend.
- Halloween . . . I guess.
- Work on December blog posts.
- Again, check out my friend’s GoFundMe above.
Legends of Windemere 
Live never seems to get back to normal. Maybe normal is an illusion. That seems to be the case out my direction. Hope you have some positive outcomes in various places.
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I’m praying for positive outcomes. I’d even take the illusion of normal.
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I hope your life event will be over soon, and you can try to get back on an even keel. It wounds like no fun at all.
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I have a bad feeling it won’t be over soon. That and when it is over, things aren’t going to be smelling like roses going forward. It’s a situation that will reverberate for years to come.
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I hope things go better than expected.
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Me too. Just hate that I don’t have much control over things.
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That is always a concern when it happens.
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I hope things work out for you, Charles. As to writing, try not to let it get to you. If you don’t write anything for a month or so, so what? I think many of us give ourselves deadlines and worry if we aren’t meeting them. I’ve been trying to tell myself that it doesn’t matter. If my book is later than I anticipated in being published, so what?
I know you have an extremely busy life, so ease up on things that are less important.
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Not writing for a month would be an issue. I’d definitely lose the flow and track of this project. Have enough trouble maintaining consistency when have to take 2 week breaks from it. So it isn’t so much about deadlines as making sure I keep the story consistent. Otherwise, I’ll have an extreme mess with editing. I already can see several issues of continuity that are going to require a ton of tinkering. I’m not even looking at publishing here, but just finishing things in a way that I feel like my old self.
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Hi. I wish you to find meaning in life again. I understand your situation, I’ve had it too. But there is a way out. And everything can get better, really. Anxiety can pass, and in general, you know – all events are not eternal, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Have you tried psychotherapy? This is your life, and you should be at the helm of it, not someone else. I understand how hard it is for you. But it takes time. I hope you succeed. All the best.
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Thanks. I already see a therapist. As far as light at the end of the tunnel, this specific event makes that difficult. I’m not able to control it myself because it involves other people. Due to legal issues, I can’t say more than that.
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