(This one was written when I had really bad anxiety. It was to the point that I had body spasms at times. Not fun. Glad I haven’t returned to that level.)
I can feel it
A subtle creeping
Like a serpent
Coiling up my spine
Releasing jolts
Of misfired cues
Fingers twitch
Shoulders stiffen
As if I’m on the chair
Such violent jabs
With an unseen source
Yet I feel them
Deep within the marrow
Like savage coughs
Made by muscles
They are the children
Of stress unchecked
Parasites that feed
And fester
Beneath my skin
Birthed from my limits
That have been reached
And shattered
Legends of Windemere 
The poem has a nice vertical, thin serpentine silhouette. Not sure if that was deliberate or not. But the imagery is very spot on! Sorry you experienced that.
I’ve been hearing more and more people going through anxiety. My mother had to increase her medicine.
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It was accidental. I was aiming for quick, sharp lines to emphasis the suffering.
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An excellent description of severe anxiety. Well done, Charles.
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Thanks.
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😊
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Wow, that’s really vivid. Glad you aren’t experiencing it any longer.
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Thanks. Though the feeling comes back at times. Starting to feel it lately due to health and the life event.
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This poem is all too relatable. I’ve certainly had those moments in my life multiple times. Shockingly enough, I sometimes feel that way whenever I express a my opinion about something or call something out that’s wrong.
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That’s definitely a situation that could trigger it.
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Definitely. It didn’t help when I got bullied into silence or people thinking I’m overanalyzing things which added to that anxiety. It’s surprising I can even share some of my opinions online even as I learn more things in general or realize how I was wronged in ways I didn’t think about.
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Do you think being online and slightly anonymous helps in the sharing? I’ve found it’s easier to speak when the other people aren’t physically there.
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That could be partially the case. I’m not going to say my online personality is different from how I interact with people offline, but it’s more like I internalized a lot of things. However, I’ve been surprised that recently I’ve been able to talk about certain things I have on here with various people even if I mention something uncomfortable.
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I think many people find comfort in online interactions. It removes body language, voice tone, eye contact, and facial expressions. While this makes it harder to decipher intent and meaning, it also reduces of eliminates the main sources of conversation anxiety.
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I see. To be fair, I still struggle with eye contact, but sometimes it gets tougher making sure someone is literal or sarcastic online. For me, I am very clear whenever I’m sarcastic because most people don’t get it whenever rarely act that way. Sometimes it does get to fears of people trying to psychologically torment me if I dare say something and I do my best to bring up evidence or bring up my personal experiences whenever I talk about something uncomfortable even if some people minimize things. It did feel cathartic on my film review blog when I did a post about problematic tropes involving Africa that not many people call out or question where I got positive feedback from people including a couple people thanking me for my accuracy. Besides that, I don’t want to look stupid and develop various skills so people can’t make fun of me when I do my best to progress. It does get frustrating because I want to get good quickly, but I have to prove I have talent and intelligence.
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I don’t think I’ve ever gotten good at anything quickly. I always have a period of being lost, untalented, or idiotic. I figure that’s just how learning goes. Very few people start off as masters. Sadly, a lot out there are quick to attack those who are learning and making mistakes.
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Okay. Glad I’m not the only one who’s had that issue with not getting good quickly at learning something new. Those moments of being attacked for mistakes when I’m just learning have definitely happened and it sometimes it ruined my perseverance some things I tried. Thankfully, at least I’ve been staying the course with a few things like learning Japanese and Swahili for example.
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Strange that you get attacked so often when you’re learning. One would think more people would be understanding.
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Not so much now, but more when I was younger. Mostly when I was a kid, but it sometimes happened when I was in college when I was trying to learn different instruments by myself (mainly guitar and keyboards) and a couple of music classes I took as electives. It didn’t help that I got a reputation for being the “music guy” because I knew a ton about independent bands in my high school and college years, and I got made fun of that a lot my first couple of years of college. Sure, I still make mistakes with my language learning and I wouldn’t call myself a polyglot. My teachers have been encouraging and it was nice to see some of my friends and a few of the bloggers I interact with being supportive of learning those languages which is nice.
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Guess it makes more sense for childhood then. Even in college, we’re more likely to find immature and judgmental people.
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It could be and I definitely realized in hindsight how even college aged people were immature. Don’t get me wrong, I had my immature moments, but some of the judgments I got were so petty when others didn’t get the same treatment or got a free pass for being worse. Whenever I did make mistakes, I’d get laughed at but someone else does the same, then it’s all “come on, everyone makes mistakes! Don’t be harsh.”
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College maturity was always a mystery to me. First time people are on their own? Doesn’t mean maturity appears like a bolt of lightning. It’s usually the opposite.
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Good point. Just because someone is 18-22 years old and are adult now doesn’t mean they are automatically mature and responsible. It’s even scientifically proven that the human brain doesn’t fully develop until one is roughly 26-28 years old. I’m not saying I was the most mature person in the world back then since I did and said stupid stuff in my college days, but there’s a false sense of maturity when people get that age just because they get away from their parents for that long if they live in a dorm or rent an apartment nearby for the first time.
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Curious how much brain development relates to maturity. It can’t be that simple since ethics, manners, and wisdom have to factor in.
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It’s more of a case of theory vs. practice. Even if the adult brain is full developed around the mid-to-late 20s age range, it doesn’t always equal one automatically being mature or at the very least makes someone immune to bouts of immaturity. I certainly know people my age and older who are immature or don’t know things that they should, but get away with it.
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Certain public figures in their golden years prove that.
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I was talking about people in general, but that is also true. Haha!
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Hahaha!!!
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It is a very reliable poem and greatly described
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Thank you. 😊
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