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The meme seems a bit cruel, but there may be a kernel of truth to it when it comes to authors. Nothing to be proud of either. So, what exactly am I talking about here?
First, I did think about trying to put this as a Do I Need to Use a Dragon? entry. I didn’t because it can be a very sensitive topic. Authors can become fixated on their stories to the point where the rest of the world fades away. Many get frustrated if they are repeatedly blocked from writing, which can cause problems if loved ones are the blockage sources. We don’t like to admit that this is a possible situation, but it’s much more common than one would think. It can also trigger a variety of arguments, which is why I couldn’t figure out how to tackle it in the book.
I’ve talked a lot over the years about authors needing a support system, especially from family and friends. It isn’t just to buy and read their books. This system has to understand that time and space are needed to produce a book. There needs to be respect for the craft and working with an author to make sure they can write. If those who are around an author don’t see their craft as a serious endeavor or hate it in general, they can become an obstacle. Sometimes it’s on purpose while others times it’s be accident. This creates friction and strained relationships. One could say this is another dark side of being an author.
Of course, the ultimate responsibility is to the author themselves. We have to figure out the balance and talk about what we need to write. We also have to listen to our loved ones and hear what they want from us. It is a give and take situation where the author gets time to write, but also has to make sure they make time for loved ones. The scale tipping too far to one side will turn a stable situation into a major mess.
It’s easy for authors to fall into this mess too because we can get tunnel vision on our projects, especially when the ideas keep on flowing. There is a fear of the creativity drying up and losing the story, which is coming to us so easily. Through this fear, an author can break promises to loved ones. On the other hand, family and friends should be able to understand if the author has hit the zone. This can only be understood through conversation though, which means both sides need to talk. Both sides also need to listen and agree upon a plan.
Personally, there were times where I was writing instead of spending time with family and friends. The opportunity was there and I took it without realizing that I was wanted somewhere else. It was really at the start of when I was publishing and I saw that my books were selling. So, I wanted to ride the wave as quickly as possible, which is understandable. Still, I was talked to about not paying as much attention to my family as I should. I adjusted my schedule to write only when I was alone . . . Then, certain people who were family at the time kept making plans that didn’t involve me. Okay, me as an example might be a little on the wonky side.
The important thing for an author to consider is the life they are living outside of writing, which is a challenge. We love to write and always think about doing it. Yet, an author needs connections in life. That’s where we experience emotions and life, which we carry into our writing. This is why it’s important to take a step back and think about the people who are there when we put the pen/pencil/laptop down. If we write until we are all alone then we won’t have anyone to share our work with. At least, not anyone who knows is more than a name on a cover.
What do you do to make sure you maintain a good author/non-author life balance? Have you ever gone so far into writing that you hurt family and friends?
Legends of Windemere 
I have had to tell friends and family that because of a deadline I couldn’t do an activity. I’m sure that probably caused pain. But since that was how I earned a living (and some deadlines were a little unreasonable), that couldn’t be helped. Writers sometimes get the shaft from friends and family because writing is something that many people do after they finish the 9 to 5 job they have to keep food on the table. Having been told by so many well-meaning people that “you can’t make a living writing,” some people don’t have much of a choice but to write during off hours. And then to hear complaints about those writing sessions is like adding insult to injury. Books don’t write themselves. An imaginative book takes a ton of hours to produce.
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Deadlines given by editors and publishers are easy to explain. When you’re an indie and making your own deadlines, it’s harder to defend the work. People think you can just be flexible and delay things b
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I get what you’re saying. And I wasn’t trying to compare my situation favorably or disfavorably with yours. Just explaining my life as a freelancer. I’ve had to tell the same friends why I couldn’t hang out, though I had promised to because of deadlines that didn’t seem unreasonable, but later turned out to be. Yes, I set my own hours daily, which seems easily explainable. But when the quality of the book you’re editing explodes in your face and the eight hours you anticipated spending each day editing balloons up to 12 and 16 (aince the deadline didn’t change) for seven days, leaving you with zero time to spend with family and friends (even the assigning editor had no idea the shape of the manuscript when he/she foisted it off), then things go south with relationships. That’s what I meant. And no, people don’t always understand, even you have a contract, to people who are not in the field.
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I hear you on the editing. It’s hard to explain how things can go wrong at times too. People don’t realize how hard it is to write a book and what comes afterwards.
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For me, I do a lot by scheduling, so I figured out the days my husband wants to do things (Fridays and Saturdays) and I don’t write on those days.
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I try to do that as best I can. Not easy when people change things on me, but it works for the most part.
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An excellent post, Charles. I have trimmed my writing goals to 500 words a day on my WIP. In this way, I satisfy my daily need to write yet leave time for other things. Much more satisfying for everyone.
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Nice idea.
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A book every 180 days instead of 90
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This is why many writers don’t really get going till their children leave home, or at least aren’t at home much, or retirement beckons. But an upside is that many
partners are happy their other half is busy writing so that they have plenty of time to indulge in their hobbies.
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Guess that does explain it. Though it sucks that some genres don’t pay attention to older authors.
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It’s difficult when your significant other just doesn’t (or won’t) understand.
I’m constantly accused of ‘living in fictionland’. And, yes, I’m often thinking about my stories–where they are going and how to improve them.
I make a real effort to first do the ‘life’ things before writing in order to keep the peace. This does mean, of course, restricting my writing more to the realms of a hobby. But there you go. We can’t have everything.
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I kept it in hobby territory for about a decade. Then I tried to make it a career. It was funny how I had support at first then I started losing it when the work part was required. Hard to find the balance when people are trying to pull you too far to one side.
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Absolutely true.
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I haven’t really had that problem to any degree. I started out as a weekend warrior, and keep it that way to this day. If there is family time available I always make that a priority. Sometimes I lose a few weeks and have to get back into it. It’s all part of the ebb and flow.
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It certainly works for you, Craig.
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I think it all depends on the support system. I was a stay at home, so I’d write mostly on weekdays. Still ran into issues from people who didn’t take it seriously.
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I understand that. Too bad they don’t make an effort.
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