I’ve been staring at the screen for a bit here. Not sure what to write about because this week truly sucked. So much drama, disasters, and stress. There wasn’t a single facet of my life that didn’t take a crowbar to the knuckles. I did finish outlining the book I want to start writing next weekend, but that was last weekend. Monday decided to come at me with haymakers that didn’t slow down until . . . Guess Thursday was where things became tolerable.
So, what in the world can I talk about here?
You know, it really does suck how society doesn’t want people to vent. You have a terrible day/week/month/life and you’re told to suck it up. A few friends will listen, which is why I was thankfully for a midweek venting session over the phone. Me and this friend both needed to rant and curse until our phones died. Still, I can’t go screaming into the Internet void without risking getting punished. All I can do is vaguely hint that I was stressed out and had some bad things happen to me. I can mention that some people in my life need to get their heads out of their asses and stop treating me like I’m either a lesser being or exist to obey their whims. Nothing can be specific because society doesn’t like people calling others out for this kind of treatment.
Anyway . . . I watched ‘Wednesday’ on Netflix. I liked it even though it got a little too teenage school drama-y for me at times. The bits of humor, characters, and world-building were enough to keep me interested. Looking forward to a second season, but I have seen some headlines complaining about the finale. Not sure what people had a problem with. Ended up watching ‘Bullet Train’ too. 7 out of 10 since it was a fun action movie with a good combo of fight scenes and humor. Not something I’m going to watch over and over again, but I didn’t regret giving up 2 hours to it.
I will admit some positive stuff happened. My son aced a bunch of tests. Some of my students did some amazing things. One accomplished something that I could never have seen him even consider two years ago. It’s great seeing kids like this take on challenges and meeting them. These positive blips were what got me through the week. Well, that an Nyquil-ing myself to sleep.
Aside from finishing the outline for Darwin & the Demon Game, I made no headway on any writing projects. Didn’t finish the February posts either, which might be a ‘son is asleep or busy’ goal this weekend. I’m noticing that it’s getting harder for me to recall creative ideas too. To be honest, I haven’t gone through my list of future ideas in over a year. Yet, it feels like there’s a fog in my mind that wasn’t there before and it’s not letting me access the more whimsical part of myself. There are blips of ideas that pop up, but I can’t hold them for long. It makes me worried that too much of my psyche has been broken or left to atrophy for me to be an author any more. It stirs a bit when I write a book, but I can’t tell if my Darwin stories are any good. So, I’m not regaining any of my confidence.
This coming week is probably going to be the same as the last. I’m hoping the drama is at a minimum, but one can never tell. There’s going to be a field trip though, so that’s something to look forward to. After this weekend, I don’t get a lot of non-schoolwork time with my son until the end of the month. Holidays and the custody schedule weren’t in my favor this time, but I can’t do anything about that. I’ll just make sure he gets all of his schoolwork done and doesn’t have to worry during the break. Just realized the next full weekend we get together without any events is January 28th. Really shows you just how crazy and busy my son and I are. People wonder why so many adults and children suffer from anxiety?
Goals of the week . . .
- Parenting
- Teaching/TAing
- Sleeping
- Hydrating
- Lego-ing
- Biking
- Laundry-ing
- Ruing existence . . . -ing?
- Writing
Legends of Windemere 
I must admit that I tend to scan posts to get the gist of things, and I have begun to not “like” a post simply as an act of kindness (validating obvious effort); rather, I feel my comfortable “liking” a post if it has caused me to do more than merely skim the contents. “Liking” a post is about as helpful to the writer as is an American letter grade to a parent. The notion that (e.g.) an “A” can convey the fullness and complexity of a student’s journey during a marking period is ludicrous. (Fun exercise? Ask 20 parents to write down what an “A” means; or even more fun, ask 20 teachers. I’ve done it and found that there is literally no consensus among folks about what any single letter grade means.) I’m guessing the same is true regarding the interpretation of a WordPress “like.” For example, I was drawn in by this post and felt your angst, but feeling it, it’s hard to “like” it because I DON’T like the fact that you’re having to deal with the challenges you’ve identified. And on writing: I create stories and characters for me, and while I wouldn’t mind if my self-published novels made some money, their value for me comes when I re-read them and they take me into the worlds I have created where resolutions reinforce what I have learned is (for me) truths related to courage, sacrifice, honor, and love. Write for you.
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I work in education. You stop seeing letter grades as often starting in middle school. At least alone since number grades show more. I think letters are done more for ages where that has a bigger impact and grades are more ambiguous.
I try to write for me, but it’s not the only thing I want. Since high school, I’ve wanted to share my stories. If I’m able to do that and make money, I can put more time into writing. People leave me alone and stop trying to stop me from writing if it’s seen as more than a hobby. Without that level of ‘success’, I’m constantly bombarded by people telling me I should quit. That wears on a person when it goes on for years. Having had not even a blip of justification for continuing to write, I have no argument against these people. They don’t care if I write for myself. To them, it’s a waste of time that should be spent doing ‘adult’ things like a second job or stocks.
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Never quit. No one who have ever made a serious effort to put “pen to paper” can begin to understand the intrinsic power and reward of the process. (By the by, I was an educator for 42 years)
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Interesting. I’m curious to know if you’ve seen a lot change in education. I remember letter grades being the thing growing up. Now, I see number grades starting in 6th with an associated letter sometimes. People seem to choose whichever one they want to focus on.
It’s hard to not quit when life is suffocating. I’m trying to carve out time, but things rarely go in my favor. For example, I’ve got a 5 day span of no with while my son is with his mom coming up. Perfect writing time, except I’m now being told that time might be used to do work on my room where I write. Got nowhere else to go where I feel comfortable working.
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Change in American Education is analogous not to a pendulum but to a rubber wall that is the status quo into which reformers—who put kids first and want to implement research-based best practices—who run into the wall and stretch it far enough for it to appear as though change is happening. But in the face of clueless, powerful parents and politicians who want schooling to look like it looked when they were in schools, reformers get tired of the opposition and either get out of the profession or just stop pushing, and Wham! The rubber wall snaps back to where it once was. Oi!
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True. American education still has a lot of cookie cutter student methods.
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So writing is last? You are indeed busy!
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Not busy in a good way. Writing was almost not on the list at all.
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We’re enjoying Wednesday, too. All the rest… seems like so much. I’m thinking of you, Charles.
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Thanks. Just two more weeks until winter break. The trick will be making it through without getting sick. Lots of coughing and sneezing around.
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Sorry, the week was such a bummer. Can only hope for improvement.
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Thanks.
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Charles, I’m right there with you this week. I ranted about it, reputation be damned. I’m going to have a whiskey tonight and will hoist one for you, too.
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Thanks. Out of whiskey here, but I raise my hot cocoa to you. Hope we both have better 2023’s in our author lives.
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I think a lot of that is going to be about acceptance as opposed to dollars. The whiskey is helping to swat the peripheral demons so I can focus.
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Not sure what I have to accept at this point. Didn’t publish anything this year and I don’t know about the next. Some things are just up in the air.
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Your goals look in the right order, Charles.
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Thanks
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You’re welcome.
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