My plan was to start hyping War of Nytefall: Eradication since it is going to be coming out soon. This is the 4th book of Clyde and the Dawn Fangs’ adventures. It’s also been 10 months since I published War of Nytefall: Rivalry. That means I’m a little rusty, people might not remember the series, and other issues with getting back into the game to some extent. So, I need to carefully choose the first topic here.
That or I can hit the topic that keeps finding itself on my list. It’s something that I think I need to bring into the open. Might sound like a preemptive excuse, whining, ranting, or something negative. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that I need to bring it up, which I obviously did in the title. Here we go:
War of Nytefall: Eradication is the first book I wrote since my divorce started, which means it took longer to finish. There were long periods between sections because of work and just not feeling it. Quite a few reasons for this such as my ex-wife messaging me the morning I was going to write and that ruining my mood. Dealing with heartache makes it very difficult to write anything with a positive message until you wrestle control of the emotion. Letting it run wild resulted in a few bad scenes that I rewrote and I hope I did the rest of the book justice. My confidence was shot so badly that I couldn’t trust my own judgement, which made editing a trick and a half. In another life, I had someone I could bounce ideas off of every day, but now I only have shadow puppets unless I can snag a friend by text. This all meant my usual process was no longer an option.
I should hit the big one too. For those who remember, Nyx was the DnD character that my ex-wife played. Well, Mab was her Vampire: The Masquerade character. She played Nadia Sylvan and a character who turns up in volume 5 too. Yet, it was incredibly hard to write Mab because she enters a relationship with Clyde, who was me. These were the only character played by my ex-wife and I who became a couple. Now, I have to continue writing them as such while my heart does that weird sensation of feeling like it’s leaking blood into my chest cavity. It’s not really doing it, but that’s the only way I can explain what I feel. Now, many have told me to kill her off, but a few problems:
- Mab is an integral part of the overall series.
- Mab is what is helping Clyde retain his control and humanity, so he would go down with her. To do otherwise would feel out of character and betray all of the development of the previous books.
- Mab appears in Legends of Windemere: The Mercenary Prince, so we all know she survives. Oops. That doesn’t mean I can’t put her through hell. At least in a way that isn’t too cruel and could explain why she’s so cold when she is interacting with Delvin Cunningham.
All of that brings up the question of ‘How do I write through the pain?’
I take a lot of breaks, which could be television, puzzles, or just crying if I wrote a scene that tore up a few emotional sutures. One of the things I swore is that I wouldn’t take my emotions out on my characters to the point where I ruin the story. This is especially true with the ex-wife inspired characters who I see as having evolved beyond her and become their own entities. I mean, they don’t act, look, or think anything like her, so I should be able to make a big division in my mind. That and I feel like it would be a victory for her if I self-destructed all of my ideas to the point where they’re unusable. So, there is a little bit of stubborn pride at work here.
There is the belief that one can use the pain to enhance their writing, which is very true. I would love to do that, but there’s nothing in War of Nytefall that allows me to utilize this type of pain. To do so, I’d have to shoehorn in a storyline specifically for the expulsion of these emotions. That’s not going to fix anything, especially when I reach the editing stage and hate myself even more. So, I’ve had to do a lot of compartmentalizing and finding time to relax. Sadly, I haven’t been that successful with part two of that, which I hope to improve this year.
Maybe this isn’t the best way to begin a hype period of two months. I can see why, but I still felt like I had to throw it out there. With this book being the first one I wrote during my ‘new life’, I fear that it will be different and I would need to explain where I was at in the first place. Funny thing is that I still enjoyed the editing part and the story, so a rewrite wouldn’t have done much. Well, fingers crossed when the time comes.