How tiring and rough was this week? I think I just cricked my neck by looking up at the ceiling. I know I got 6-7 hours of sleep every night, so I’m rested. I didn’t even jump out of bed because it was too cold in the morning. That may have been a problem since it meant I rushed around for 30 minutes before heading out the door. I did have a lot on my plate and breakfast was consistently a piece of toast then blindfolded roulette on what I did for lunch. Lots of variation of chicken sandwich. I think I simply hit tonight wanting to rest and I’ll dive into writing tomorrow. Well . . . That’s the post.
Not really, but my head feels blurry. So blurry that I wrote ‘tomorrow’ when this goes live today, but I’m really writing it yesterday. Time is merely a suggestion to my mind at this point. I have vague memories of tinkering with my superheroes, but I can’t find the notes anywhere. Did some planning for the fantasy tip book when I had a few free periods. So, I can’t say I didn’t make progress somewhere. So, why do I feel drained and depressed as hell?
I think it’s the stress of the week. I didn’t get much ‘me’ or ‘son’ time, which always wears on me. I’ve also been getting asked a lot about the divorce and where I’m going with my teaching career. Not in a sensible way either. The divorce is a painful topic especially when we have to sit down to divide up breaks and rearrange stuff. It drives home the fact that I don’t get to see my son every day. With the teaching certification, I just put in for TA Level III, so I only have to wait for that to go through. Outside of school, people talk as if I should already have a Masters and full certification. These aren’t achieved by sending in cereal boxtops! I need to find a program that I can get into and make the time for as well as finding out what I need to do. The next level up wants me to be enrolled in an Educator Preparation program . . . I finished that in Florida. All I’ve been told is that to find out if that counts, I need to submit an application for my initial teaching certification. It’s kind of messy and stressful, so the blunt inquiries aren’t helping.
This is feeding into a sensation that I’ve had for a long time. Possibly years, but I’m seeing it more now. Most days, it seems like I’m living for everyone else. Now, I total accept that I have to do things for and with my son because I love him and he is my responsibility. I enjoy those times. Yet, it feels like all of my other decisions are being foisted upon me by people who place me in ‘no win’ situations. I can’t do writing because I have to help out with something. If I volunteer then it’s cool, but there are times when it’s assumed I’m going to be there and I get guilt if I refuse. The freest time for me is when I’m at school because I love it there and feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. No idea why that can’t carry over to other things. Maybe this is stemming more from the rough 4-day weekend that I had.
Well, there is the other thing. Originally, the two week holiday vacation was neatly split between me and the ex-wife. I had planned to writing for most of her week with our son and then have fun with him during my time. Well, things happened and I’ve lost a few if not all of those days. Some of that I totally understand and will enjoy because of the ensuing situation. The rest is frustrating because I’m not being given a straight answer on how long the interruptions will take. It could even stop me from getting together with friends and relaxing. No puzzles and possibly no TV for the whole time too. Needless to say, I’m not liking how that’s looking and am getting frustrated. I could feasibly knock out 5 chapters of War of Nytefall: Eradication in that time. Combine that with this and my next free weekend and I could feasibly bring it into the final act before 2020. That’s better than I expected.
Speaking of War of Nytefall, I’m slowly setting up hype posts for February and March. I think two months should cover a lot of ground and help the book. A week from Sunday will be the first volunteer request post and I’m hoping to get some help. Need to make the blurb and choose some teasers for the hype period too. Honestly, I think I’m going to be mellow and take it easy on this promo. If I get a lot of volunteers then that’s great, but I’ll see what happens. So tired of busting my ass and getting nowhere, so I should try to enjoy the creation process when I can dive into it. As a friend once said I’m a better author than a businessman. My brain goes a little haywire when I step out of the role of creator and have to promote myself. Got enough stress, so why push myself to the point where I’m panicking? If the book sells then it sells. I’ll do what I can with minimal funds and times to push it ahead.
So, goals of the week:
- Write 1-2 chapters of War of Nytefall: Eradication.
- Prepare more February and March promos.
- Tinker with superhero stories if I can.
- Watch a little more ‘Altered Carbon’.
- Read more ‘Overlord’.
- (Time with son and at work are givens.)
- Begin moving books and DVDs to basement in preparation of room getting painted.
- Finish putting celestial keys on their keychains for my son’s holiday present. (Fairy Tail thing)