Universal Monsters
Ogre- Do we have any of the monsters above in this chat room?
Vampire- I’m here, but I’m the romantic kind.
Werewolf- Same.
Dragon- That would be a no then. This is exactly the problem I was talking about last time.
Gremlin- At least the humanization process hasn’t reached all of us. Then again, we’re typically used as fodder for heroes these days.
Zombie- Am I supposed to be slow, fast, smart, dumb, infectious, talkative, or frozen? I don’t know what I am any more!
Demon- I believe we’re overreacting. Our kind have been changed from culture to culture since before the times of fiction writing. Dragon, you’ve been a fire-breathing lizard with wings and a wingless protector over the years. Mermaids have been beautiful and murderous. These changes happen.
Werewolf- I miss eating people.
Vampire- My cousin can still drink blood from humans. Though, he says some strong type that’s immune to sunlight turned up recently.
Fairy- At least you guys know you’re monsters. My kind never knows if they’re going to be good or evil until we appear on the page. The poor Leprechaun has been in therapy for decades.
Dragon- And we’re back to grievances instead of answers. What do you think, Mummy?
Mummy- I’m a terrible person to ask. My abilities have been at the whim of CGI for years and nobody remembers me for anything else. Zombies, skeletons, and ghosts always beat me out for the undead roles.
Ogre- You should get a better agent. I did after ogre was becoming too kiddie. I’ve gotten into a few fantasy stories since then. People still get me mixed up with orcs and trolls though.
Demon- I think that’s part of the problem. Many of us have become interchangeable with those who are closest to us. Authors will grab you, toss you into a scene, and give very little thought to your history. If I asked you to describe a demon then I’m sure you’d all come up with the same picture. Yet, my kind include such variety that is barely used outside of obscure works.
Gremlin- Fans can make things difficult too. An author tries to use a classic version of us and it can backfire. They’re either called a copycat of the current trend or told that they need to get with the times. Monsters are surprisingly criticized too.
Dragon- What about the science arguments? I can barely exist thanks to people pointing out that I make no sense. In a world of people hurling fireballs and making speeches with mortal wounds, it’s the giant flying lizard that’s unbelievable.
Giant- Preach on, scaly brother.
Vampire- On the plus side, we’re still finding work. Things would be a lot worse if people decided that stories shouldn’t have monsters any more. I’m always terrified that all of us will be cast aside because nobody wants us. Can you imagine that?
Demon- Sadly, I can, but there will always be a group in society that needs us. It could be video games, movies, TV shows, or books. You’ll always have at least one author who thinks stories need some monsters.
Ogre- Unless they replace all of us with aliens.
Werewolf- Wait, we don’t count them as monsters?
Gremlin- Not since they made their own guild and stiffed us on their last month of dues.
Werewolf- Oh . . . Screw those guys then.
Legends of Windemere 
Wonderful post. I really should go visit the under-the-bed monster again some day.
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I’m sure he misses you. That or you forgot to feed him. Might want to bring some snacks.
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LOL. Excellent, Charles.
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
Ever considered that Monsters have feelings too? 👹
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Thanks for the reblog. 🙂
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Welcome, Charles – mine is a multi-species friendly blog 😃
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Always a great way to go.
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👍😃
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Good stuff – and all too true! I kind of miss the old-school Dracula, if only because Stoker’s novel was so redolent of 1890s sensibilities. And the Mummy of the Egyptian influence art deco era…and the rest…
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They really don’t make them like they used to. It really is funny when one of the classics turns up and people consider it the copy though. For some reason, I find that amusing.
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This is very funny. 🙂 Love it!
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Thanks. 🙂
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Chalres, this reminds me of one of my novels I’m revising and editing for submission. 🙂 Simpatico, yes? Lol.
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Oops. Sorry I slipped up and misspelled your name, Charles. 😦
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No problem. Happens a lot.
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Thank you. 🙂
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Very much so. I actually did a dialogue in college where the movie monsters of old were playing poker and reminiscing. Happened right as The Mummy with Brendan Fraser was coming out.
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Great post. It is really sad how monsters have changed so much in modern times. I much prefer the old movie monsters, the 1930s Universal horror movies are gems compared to most modern stuff, though for gore value you still can’t beat the Hammer films version of vampires. They did a good Mummy and Frankenstein too.
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Evolution does help to keep them fresh, but there should always be room for the originals. I do prefer the book version of Frankenstein’s monster to Hollywood. The smart version is so much scary to me.
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I read Frankenstein a few years ago, it wasn’t bad, but for once I preferred the movie, lol.
You’re right though, evolution does keep them fresh and there is always room for all versions of them, including the book version.
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The book and movie are so completely different that it’s barely the same story. Change the names and they’d be like Dracula and Twilight. 😁.
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That’s true, the movie really wasn’t at all like the book. Still it’s a matter of personal opinion which you prefer.
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Yup. That’s why we have many versions.
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“Dragon- What about the science arguments? I can barely exist thanks to people pointing out that I make no sense. In a world of people hurling fireballs and making speeches with mortal wounds, it’s the giant flying lizard that’s unbelievable.”
LOL!
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I’ll admit I was looking for an opening to put that in there.
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Ha ha – brilliant 😀
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Thanks.
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Good post, Charles. I enjoyed the humor. 😀 — Suzanne
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Thanks. 🙂
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I loved this, the monsters have some interesting and true points.
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Thanks. They definitely have some grievances.
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