Monsters on Monsters in Fiction

Universal Monsters

Ogre-  Do we have any of the monsters above in this chat room?

Vampire-  I’m here, but I’m the romantic kind.

Werewolf-  Same.

Dragon-  That would be a no then.  This is exactly the problem I was talking about last time.

Gremlin-  At least the humanization process hasn’t reached all of us.  Then again, we’re typically used as fodder for heroes these days.

Zombie-  Am I supposed to be slow, fast, smart, dumb, infectious, talkative, or frozen?  I don’t know what I am any more!

Demon- I believe we’re overreacting.  Our kind have been changed from culture to culture since before the times of fiction writing.  Dragon, you’ve been a fire-breathing lizard with wings and a wingless protector over the years.  Mermaids have been beautiful and murderous.  These changes happen.

Werewolf-  I miss eating people.

Vampire-  My cousin can still drink blood from humans.  Though, he says some strong type that’s immune to sunlight turned up recently.

Fairy-  At least you guys know you’re monsters.  My kind never knows if they’re going to be good or evil until we appear on the page.  The poor Leprechaun has been in therapy for decades.

Dragon-  And we’re back to grievances instead of answers.  What do you think, Mummy?

Mummy- I’m a terrible person to ask.  My abilities have been at the whim of CGI for years and nobody remembers me for anything else.  Zombies, skeletons, and ghosts always beat me out for the undead roles.

Ogre-  You should get a better agent.  I did after ogre was becoming too kiddie.  I’ve gotten into a few fantasy stories since then.  People still get me mixed up with orcs and trolls though.

Demon-  I think that’s part of the problem.  Many of us have become interchangeable with those who are closest to us.  Authors will grab you, toss you into a scene, and give very little thought to your history.  If I asked you to describe a demon then I’m sure you’d all come up with the same picture.  Yet, my kind include such variety that is barely used outside of obscure works.

Gremlin-  Fans can make things difficult too.  An author tries to use a classic version of us and it can backfire.  They’re either called a copycat of the current trend or told that they need to get with the times.  Monsters are surprisingly criticized too.

Dragon-  What about the science arguments?  I can barely exist thanks to people pointing out that I make no sense.  In a world of people hurling fireballs and making speeches with mortal wounds, it’s the giant flying lizard that’s unbelievable.

Giant-  Preach on, scaly brother.

Vampire-  On the plus side, we’re still finding work.  Things would be a lot worse if people decided that stories shouldn’t have monsters any more.  I’m always terrified that all of us will be cast aside because nobody wants us.  Can you imagine that?

Demon-  Sadly, I can, but there will always be a group in society that needs us.  It could be video games, movies, TV shows, or books.  You’ll always have at least one author who thinks stories need some monsters.

Ogre- Unless they replace all of us with aliens.

Werewolf-  Wait, we don’t count them as monsters?

Gremlin- Not since they made their own guild and stiffed us on their last month of dues.

Werewolf- Oh . . . Screw those guys then.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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31 Responses to Monsters on Monsters in Fiction

  1. Wonderful post. I really should go visit the under-the-bed monster again some day.

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  2. LOL. Excellent, Charles.

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  3. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    Ever considered that Monsters have feelings too? 👹

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  4. Good stuff – and all too true! I kind of miss the old-school Dracula, if only because Stoker’s novel was so redolent of 1890s sensibilities. And the Mummy of the Egyptian influence art deco era…and the rest…

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  5. klkranesya says:

    This is very funny. 🙂 Love it!

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  6. Chalres, this reminds me of one of my novels I’m revising and editing for submission. 🙂 Simpatico, yes? Lol.

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  7. Great post. It is really sad how monsters have changed so much in modern times. I much prefer the old movie monsters, the 1930s Universal horror movies are gems compared to most modern stuff, though for gore value you still can’t beat the Hammer films version of vampires. They did a good Mummy and Frankenstein too.

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  8. “Dragon- What about the science arguments? I can barely exist thanks to people pointing out that I make no sense. In a world of people hurling fireballs and making speeches with mortal wounds, it’s the giant flying lizard that’s unbelievable.”

    LOL!

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  9. Ha ha – brilliant 😀

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  10. Good post, Charles. I enjoyed the humor. 😀 — Suzanne

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  11. Adele Marie says:

    I loved this, the monsters have some interesting and true points.

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