The Forbidden Spell Cafe: The Best of the Banned

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You’re not a priest, are you?  We have to ask because that would get us in a lot of trouble since we aren’t dealing in regular spells.  There’s a small market for forbidden magic, but it’s still very lucrative.  First, I need you to sign this wavier that says we will not be held responsible for how you use this spell. Any mention of this store, employees, or deal will be met with magical repercussions.  To be very clear, I mean you’ll explode and take out everyone who heard you.  Don’t try to write it down either because that will cause your hands to melt.  Funny how these curses are allowed while these others are sealed for eternity.  At least the gods think they are.  So, what are you looking for?

Forbidden healing spells are rare, but we have a few on the books.  Most of them are banned because they create an environmental imbalance or something.  Take this one that wipes out a disease.  Sounds good on the surface, but there’s a side-effect that something worse appears to replace it.  This puppy was sealed after one of the ancient kingdoms fell to a series of diseases until only a small boy survived.  Rumors have it that he’s still in the ruins because the sickness refuses to let him die.  Yeah, I wouldn’t want to touch anything like this either.

It would help to know what you need this for and why a normal spell won’t work.  War injuries on a massive scale?  That’s tough and I can guess why regular healing spells aren’t enough.  People will die because you run out of energy or you wait too long.  I should tell you that you have to accept such a fate, but you wouldn’t believe it since your’e here.  To be honest, I don’t know of much that will help you.  Your heart’s in the right place, which is why I’ll help you.  Give me a minute.

This is a forbidden spell that will allow you to heal an entire army at once.  Covers bruises, broken bones, lost limbs, open wounds, and whatever else is earned on the battlefield.  It ignores anything that happened outside of battle, but it sounds like you don’t need to worry about that.  Yeah, it’s hard to understand why this one is banned.  Well, there’s a side-effect that the gods don’t like.  It’s a strange one too.  Whoever is healed by this spell will be healed without any lasting pain or effect from the injury.  In return for another chance at life, they will become wandering spirits upon death.  There is no path to the afterlife for them and even worse for the caster.  You will lose your life as a man and become something else.  No idea what that is.  Guess you’ll have to find out the hard way if you’re still interested.

Okay then sign here and pay at the front desk.  Nice doing business with you and I hope it all works out.  Shame to see a goodhearted kid go down a road like this.  On the plus side, we’ll get to figure out what the side-effect is.  Hey, I didn’t say it was good for you.

About Charles Yallowitz

Charles E. Yallowitz was born, raised, and educated in New York. Then he spent a few years in Florida, realized his fear of alligators, and moved back to the Empire State. When he isn't working hard on his epic fantasy stories, Charles can be found cooking or going on whatever adventure his son has planned for the day. 'Legends of Windemere' is his first series, but it certainly won't be his last.
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39 Responses to The Forbidden Spell Cafe: The Best of the Banned

  1. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    Just realised I haven’t reblogged one of Charles’ great Magic Shoppe articles for a spell (sorry – pun intended 😄)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. L. Marie says:

    I always love these cafes. Though the forbidden spells sound very dangerous. I have to laugh at the fact that the small boy is kept alive because the diseases won’t let him die.

    I’d love the one that heals an entire army. But the side effects are particularly brutal!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You don’t have something that will cure stupid do you? I find I’m faced with an epidemic of it and would like to purchase enough to have on hand no matter the occasion. Stupid does not take a holiday it seems. Also do you accept Master Card or Visa?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This made me laugh. Entertaining. 🙂 😀

    Like

  5. Do you have a forbidden spell that can make everyone in a city have skin that glows a rainbow of neon colors? I’m not a priest and I only want it to use as a practical joke.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Great post. I love the Old Shop ones.

    Like

  7. These are always such fun!

    Like

  8. Great fun, Charles. A smile on a dreary Monday morning. 🙂

    Like

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