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- At the urging of loved ones, including the dying orchid in the corner, you decide to open the window. Taking a big sniff of fresh air, you promptly pass out. Apparently, you’ve been inside for so long that your body mistook the clean air for poison. On the plus side, your trip to the hospital counts as getting out and meeting new people, so your family will leave you alone for a week.
- You answer the door for Halloween and kids run screaming from your terrifying ghost costume. You consider it a step in the right direction since last year they thought you were a zombie. Still, you might want to do something about being paler than an albino.
- The slightest ray of natural sunlight causes you to do your best Gizmo from Gremlins imitation. Complete with high-pitched screaming about the bright light and the smell of burning flesh. Though that second one might be caused more by you using matches for small light sources.
- You have no recollection of what your town looks like. Google Earth helps you fake it when your online friends ask about where you live. But you just said you enjoy going to a restaurant that burned down a year ago. Maybe you should start taking some walks before people start thinking you’re a computer program instead of a real human.
- The last time you saw your house key, it was in your jacket pocket. Now you have no idea where either one is. Though the pile of moth-eaten fabric with a sprinkling of rust looks familiar. Come to think of it, where did those moths go to?
- You cannot confidently answers the question ‘Are you animal, vegetable, or mineral?’ because you might be all three.
- There is a car waiting outside your house and you have no idea where it came from. It just sits there and nobody ever comes to claim it. The police have driven by and say that they don’t see this mystery car. You think you are losing your mind because the car is right there. Now that you think about it, you vaguely remember owning a Corolla as well. That same color too, but not as rusty and faded. Whatever happened to that thing? OH!
Legends of Windemere 
As long as you can get to the window to look… there is hope, and sometimes that is all it takes. Great post.
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Thanks. Though I can see that a storm is coming when I look at the window. Houses should come with special shades that you pull down during bad weather to show a beautiful landscape.
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Put up a white blind and paint the view you want to see on a bad day! X
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Uh . . . my artistic ability is the equivalent of torture. Maybe I’ll just print something out.
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Yes or you could be like me… draw it paint or colour it… Then swear black blue and pink that a neice nephew or raggamuffin had done it! Sorted.
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In that case, I’ll just have the 6-year-old do it. 😀
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Yes! Way to go!
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I try to get out of my PJs and walk around the block at least once a day. Sometimes I open the front door and, blinded by the light, close it.
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At least you tried. 😉 That happens to me in the winter. Get ready to go outside for errands, hit by the cold, and figure I have enough crackers to make it to tomorrow.
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I know you too well. Not PJs, but you are wearing something else, right?
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80% of the time I’m in PJs. When I’m swimming, I’m nude. When I’m sleeping I’m nude. When I have to go out the front door I’m in leggings a t-shirt and an aloha shirt.When I have to dress up, I’m horribly uncomfortable. For twelve years I was in scrubs, and any time I went out I was dressed to the nines in stilettos. Those days are long gone. I’ll only put the stilettos on when the RS is in the mood…which isn’t as often as we’d like to boast. Ha!
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Yeah, we don’t dress up any longer either. Anything goes around the house, but it’s usually sweats or shorts.
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I hope you put something else on when you get out of pyjamas. Don’t want to scare the neighbours!
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Ha ha! So true, after this past winter. But I went outside and discovered rain mixed with snow today! So I should stay at home and watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens. 🙂
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We’re supposed to get that too. Not sure if I’ll watch the new Star Wars though. Have stuff on the DVR to watch. River Monsters and Archer.
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Ooo. Good reason to stay inside!
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The dog would never let me get away with staying in… 😉
How’s the patient today?
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The patient is still home. The fever was still around this morning, but finally went away. Now it’s just getting him to eat, drink, and rest. He thinks his empty stomach rumbling is a sign that he’s sick instead of hungry.
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Good news that the fever has dropped though. The rest will come.
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Fingers crossed.
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Yep.
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Hahaa! Can’t stop laughing 😂😁😃
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Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog.
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Thanks for the reblog.
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Welcome Charles 👍😃
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This was great. I can’t help but believe my family asked you to post this in hopes that I will read it and do some outside things. Well, let me say this to them. If God wanted me to be outside I would have been born outside. Thanks for the laughs Charles.
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You’re welcome. Also, let them know the check bounced.
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Ha ha ha.
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Ha – brilliant! Especially #6 😀
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Thanks. Proud of that spontaneous one. 🙂
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Haha! I think I hit 2 of those legit.
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I’ve been there. #3 multiple times.
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#2 is a sort of with me. I get kids pointing at my paleness all year round. LOL
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Kids can be so rude. I say that knowing my son has no restraint or volume when asking about a stranger.
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My wife insists on taking me and airing me out every weekend.
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That explains the fingernail scratches on the door frame. Outside world can be scary and expensive.
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Reblogged this on Jeanne Owens, author and commented:
Hahaha! Good thing I enjoy going out for nature walks.
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Thanks for the reblog. Glad you got a laugh out of it. 🙂
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Reblogged this on Julian Froment's Blog and commented:
Valuable advice.
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Thanks for the reblog.
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A pleasure.
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I enjoyed this post and the comments very much. Glad I stumbled upon your blog.
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Thanks. Happy to hear you enjoyed it.
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😀 😀 😀 This is hilarious – and some of them are scarily accurate. I once had a scrap merchant knock on the door and ask if that was anyone’s car outside and if not could they take it away – it was my car. As for my nearest town, I visit it so rarely, it looks different every time I go. If it wasn’t for the dogs I probably wouldn’t go out at all.
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Pets and kids do kind of force you to go outside. Funny with the scrap merchant. Never heard of someone doing that before.
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I wasn’t really surprised, the car did look like a heap of junk. It had a great little engine, though.
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As long as it works.
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Went for a walk to the shop this morning. Later I’ll wash the car (if it doesn’t rain) and there’s lots of stuff to do in the garden. Thanks for the laugh, Charles.
@fparkerswords
Frank Parker’s Author Site
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Glad you enjoyed it. Keep wanting to do stuff outside, but the weather can’t decide if it’s spring or winter.
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Your neighbors don’t recognize you, so when you peer out the window they call the police to report a burglar inside.
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Hate it when that happens.
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I have little advice I’m almost as bad. 😀 —- Suzanne.
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It’s scary out there. 🙂
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